white boy brown girl

March 7, 2006 5:51 AM

How do I find a Hindu bride?

I will be going to India within the nearest future, and I would like to find a Hindu woman for marriage / children / life together / etc.

She needs to be intelligent, speak some English, beautiful, young. I don't require a dowry and class is a non-issue.

How does a white 37 year old white man make this happen? Personal anecdotes, advice, warnings, all appreciated.

posted by Meatbomb to human relations (38 comments total)

http://www.shaadi.com/
posted by thirteenkiller at 5:57 AM on March 7, 2006

First - some questions. Are you looking to meet women in India, with the intention of dating and then thinking about marriage? Or are you looking for something like an arranged marriage, where you don't know each other, meet once or twice, and then tie the knot?

Either way - check out some of the online marriage boards. Shaadi.com is the one that first comes to mind, but I'm sure if you google, you'll find more.
posted by darsh at 6:03 AM on March 7, 2006

i think finding a beautiful young intelligent SO is preeeetty much what everyone else is looking for, so you'd better get to reading. maybe indianfriendfinder?

forgive my hopefully implied repugnance, but what kind of relationship are you looking for when you're on the prowl for something as sterile as "marriage/children/life together/etc," coupled with some sort of fetishized view of indians? please allay my fears.
posted by soma lkzx at 6:05 AM on March 7, 2006

A wise man on IRC once said, "There's no way of saying 'how do I find a girl of race X who i can get to marry me' without sounding creepy."
posted by thirteenkiller at 6:08 AM on March 7, 2006

Ok, so I am big on Hindus. If you got a problem with that, well, my apologies. Creepy or not, I want to get it on with a Hindu girl and make little Hindu / Euro babies... answers as to how to make this happen most appreciated.

I am thinking this was the wrong question to ask here.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:16 AM on March 7, 2006

Darsh: more meeting women in India, I don't think a non Indian can fit well into the matrimonial market (I have tried).
posted by Meatbomb at 6:18 AM on March 7, 2006

If you meet a nice Hindu woman who wants to marry you, never, ever let her know that you once asked for advice about how to get a Hindu woman to marry you on the Internet.
posted by Faint of Butt at 6:23 AM on March 7, 2006

I wasn't in India but I did live in Guyana (South America), which has a very large East Indian population. I believe it's the biggest Indian population in terms of ethnic percentages outside of India.

If India doesn't work out, you could easily find a bride in Guyana. Just be careful not to let on what your net worth is. If you do, you may find yourself with a bride that cares less about you than your money. What's interesting about East Indian Guyanese women is their mix of Wester values with their Indian traditions and culture. Something to think about.
posted by brokekid at 6:31 AM on March 7, 2006

This is some messed up imperialist shit right here.

You asked for warnings, so here is one: beware that you are looking to marry a woman based on her cultural/racial attributes and not at all on the individual person that she is.

And some advice: compare your own wishes to an ignorant asshole saying something like "I want an Oriental wife! I hear they have tight pussies!" ...and you'll see there's not much difference, really.

Gross.
posted by elisabeth r at 6:41 AM on March 7, 2006

Oh, also, don't let her see your blog.
posted by thirteenkiller at 6:42 AM on March 7, 2006

Let me see if I've got this straight: A 37-year-old self-described "white boy," ostensibly from Kyrgyzstan, wants to find a "brown girl" with whom he can "get it on" and "make little Hindu / Euro babies."

I think you can go ahead and mark your own answer as "best."
posted by pardonyou? at 6:45 AM on March 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

I would have to echo thirteenkiller. At first I thought this was a joke question, after reading the thread on lavish Indian weddings. (Which, admittedly, left me wanting to find the nearest and crash it.)
posted by kalimac at 6:50 AM on March 7, 2006

er, to clarify: I'm echoing thirteenkiller's statement that you cannot ask a question like this without seeming deeply creepy.
posted by kalimac at 6:51 AM on March 7, 2006

Not exactly sure how its imperialist. Sexist sounding, sure though. If only because the post comes off like one wanting to visit the grocery store.

That said, it sounds like Meatball has, or hopefully has, an appreciation for the Hindu culture. He never said he wants a Hindu woman because of an inherent quality or for a specific reason....he just said that he'd like to marry one whose only traits were attractiveness and intelligence, which is a criteria a lot of people apply when they're looking for significant others.

The only thing I'd offer is that your skin color will be a barrier, at least for some. My sister dated an Indian for two to three years, only to have her boyfriend dump her at the behest of his mother. His mom wanted her son to marry a good Indian girl, not some white American.
posted by Atreides at 6:54 AM on March 7, 2006

Does she have to be hindu or are bhuddists ok?

It does sound rather imperialist, but whatever. Maybe he was in love with an Indian chick once and really liked it.
posted by delmoi at 7:04 AM on March 7, 2006

You want a bride? Have money.

You want a bride that's worth having? Step in line buddy, there's millions of men looking for the same thing, and India's got a whole lot of them.
posted by Saydur at 7:18 AM on March 7, 2006

Behenchuut, tu pagel hai. Teri maa se pucho.

Also, the second paragraph of your blog is the most strangely disgusting thing I've read in a long time. "I won't be able to pull her drunk and horny up into my hotel room to explore her body, steal some of her youth and happiness to energize my tired dying soul. This is a drag."

Dude, you're creeping me out.
posted by metaculpa at 7:38 AM on March 7, 2006

I don't think a non Indian can fit well into the matrimonial market (I have tried).

lol!

you reckon you may be the problem creepy white boy?
posted by twistedonion at 7:44 AM on March 7, 2006

i went to a foreign country and ended up living with someone i met there (13 or so years now). i'm not sure there are any particular "tricks", apart from just being a foreigner, which makes you "different" and so, if you're lucky, perhaps more "interesting" to someone. in my particular case i happily assumed the best without really knowing the language and it turned into a self-fulfilling process (she bought me some chocolates - i had no idea what a saint's day was...). so, as ever, just being positive about things helped.
posted by andrew cooke at 7:44 AM on March 7, 2006

I'll go with what Atreides, above, has to say and only add that, though skin color and 'complexion' (this is huge..you should check out the taxonomy employed to describe every hue and tone possible) is still a major hangup for the older generation, in general, things have changed dramatically ( I mean in the metros) over the past few years, what with the economy opening up and all that jazz. You could quite possibly meet someone for whom skin color will not an issue at all. A lot, though, will depend on where you intend to stay.

These sites should help get you started:

http://bharatmatrimonial.com/

www.jeevansathi.com/

http://www.indiandating.com/

www.timesmatri.com/

and like a couple of people have already mentioned, the biggest site of them all (They claim to have made over 500K marriages happen!)

http://www.shaadi.com/

Shaadi incidentally means marriage in Hindi.

P.S. And yes, I'm registered on it as well! :-)
posted by sk381 at 7:49 AM on March 7, 2006

I really like... black people. Can someone help me find a black woman to marry me? How does one go about finding black girls who might be interested in marrying a white guy like me?
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:14 AM on March 7, 2006

Baby_Balrog: try http://afrointroductions.com/
posted by thirteenkiller at 8:24 AM on March 7, 2006

Well, it looks like you live just a few hours from detroit...

And even closer to Benton Harbor, which is mini-Detroit. Even has some snobby white people to the north.
posted by dagnyscott at 9:08 AM on March 7, 2006

metaculpa writes "Also, the second paragraph of your blog is the most strangely disgusting thing I've read in a long time. 'I won't be able to pull her drunk and horny up into my hotel room to explore her body, steal some of her youth and happiness to energize my tired dying soul. This is a drag.'"


Eh, this is just how 37-yr old single guys think.
posted by orthogonality at 9:34 AM on March 7, 2006

[a few comments removed. please try to answer the question. If you think the guy is skeezy and requires some sort of meatbomb beatdown, take it to metatalk]
posted by jessamyn at 9:39 AM on March 7, 2006

37-year-old single guys think?

And definitely creepy. Even if I will admit to a liking for intelligent liberal Americans.
posted by badlydubbedboy at 9:40 AM on March 7, 2006

a few comments removed

What's your beef with Jains?
posted by meehawl at 9:40 AM on March 7, 2006

Behenchuut, tu pagel hai. Teri maa se pucho.

English translation of that: Sister-fucker, you are mad. Ask your mother.

(Just in case you don't speak Hindi. The transliteration could use some work though. ;)


Shaadi.com is the best-known site of them all (and possibly the best designed), but damn dude, I wouldn't put much hope in that, because the average educated, intelligent Hindu woman isn't looking for a 37 year-old white boy unless she's looking for some quick green card ticket (or its Euro equivalent) out of the country.

Perhaps you should visit here, live for a year or two, and try to meet someone. Maybe you'll get lucky.

And just like many others, I find this question very creepy.
posted by madman at 10:49 AM on March 7, 2006

Eh, this is just how 37-yr old single guys think.

Speak for yourself!
posted by kindall at 10:57 AM on March 7, 2006

thank you, thirteenkiller.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 11:11 AM on March 7, 2006

Meatbomb may or may not be a creep, but AskMe is not the place for you to vent -- so nip that shit in the bud, MeFites.

As for the question, let me say this. I have never been to India. However, I once was madly in love with a first generation Indian immigrant (she moved here when she was 5, her parents lived in India for the first half of her life).

Even for and Indian-American growing up in American culture, the family bond in the average Indian family is very strong. The girl (high school, this was) made it clear that although she thought white boys were swell, she could never hurt her father by marrying one, or even admitting to dating one. Hell, a lot of Indian boys weren't even an option for her.

Marriage is different for Indians than it is for Europeans and Americans.

I suspect it will be even harder in India (although the girl I knew was upper caste Indian -- her family ties in India were to the very wealthy), and I don't know how the caste situation would change things, as I've never been able to meet any lower caste Indians (go figure, they don't have the money to travel to America).

And of course, this was 15 years ago.
posted by teece at 11:13 AM on March 7, 2006

This is the wrong place to ask this question.
posted by raedyn at 11:14 AM on March 7, 2006

I spent three weeks in Bombay last December. I'm American, live in London, and before my GalPal showed up for the last week I had two offers from an "uninterested" third party.

All unsolicited.

I wasn't interested but was flattered. I'd say just go there for a whiile.
posted by Mutant at 12:29 PM on March 7, 2006

I don't require a dowry

You should realize that refusing an appropriate dowry could be construed as insulting.
posted by dhartung at 1:34 PM on March 7, 2006

Not all Hindus are Indian and not all Indians are Hindu.

I'm of South Asian descent (Bangladeshi) and this question is coming off as really creepy. All I can tell you is that Indian newspapers often have personals listings that include marriage (the most I've seen anywhere, really)...but they're all arranged by caste so I don't know where you'd fit in.

But really, *shudder*
posted by divabat at 5:54 PM on March 7, 2006

Related discussion in MeTa.
posted by baphomet at 9:39 PM on March 7, 2006

Well, I know when I was looking to find a half-Chinese, quarter Scottish, quarter Sri Lankan girl, I went to where those type of girls hang out and I put my white-boy mack down! Seriously, just go find them and put out the vibe.
posted by jasondigitized at 12:34 PM on March 8, 2006

Just out of curiosity, where do foreigners fit in the caste system?
posted by delmoi at 1:21 PM on March 8, 2006