How the hell did I get through life without learning the basics here?
November 27, 2011 6:04 AM Subscribe
I just realized i am dumb. will you please help me?
posted by hal_c_on to human relations (30 answers total) 113 users marked this as a favorite
i JUST realized how dumb I am about relationships and marriage.
I heard something basic, and I researched it. And the research was as basic as: 'listen more = good'. My mind blew the fuck up.
I went to the library with the faith that any book on the relationships will do exactly what it says on the cover. a LOT of faith, no snark. a few hours of reading and it was mostly fluff. a LOT of fluff. But there were 10 things that I had to write down. And things made total sense that I had never thought of before. Different parts of my brain lit up. It seriously was like reading some kind of secret ancient text that will give me immortal life or laser cats or something.
I came from a lot of illegal abuse. I kinda realized that way after the fact…and I think I was better off for that. I researched it a lot in college. I thought I was a success because I was not causing the same types of abuse in my life.
And yeah, total success. But I realized that just because I've learned not to do that shit, doesn't mean that I'm at 100%.
And I kinda missed some of the basics in relationships. So yeah, kinda dumb.
After some of my research, I told my wife I was going to try out this stuff, and she was all ?!?. THIS is all it took to make it obvious to me? I think she had given up on some stuff, thinking these human concepts were beyond me. She's pretty sure I'm pulling some kind of prank on her which will end with me saying, 'them feelings and communications exercises we've been doing is for sissymen, now go fetch me a sammich. extra mayo this time, woman" but its not. Its actually something useful that I want to learn about to become a more conscious and better person. and definitely a better husband. I don't even think i read any fantastic books…its just that these basic accepted ideas are kinda new to me so they blew my mind.
Rather than defining specific needs...what are some excellent research and books on the topics of marriage, relationships, self-improvement, etc? Practical stuff that has the potential to improve one's self and relationship is what I'm looking for. Feel free to list the obvious...as it DEFINITELY won't be obvious to me. Seriously, I know nothing about this topic.