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Tips on allowing new relationships to unfold naturally?

I need tips on ridding myself of new-relationship anxiety, releasing the need to control and the need to know where it's going, and allowing the relationship to unfold naturally. [more inside]
posted by SabrinaV on Jul 31, 2014 - 10 answers

How can I stop wanting senpai to notice me?

Your 2000th snowflakey question on the how to be an emotionally healthy single person. How can I live for myself and grow my social networks instead of seeking validation from my abstract idea of a desirable partner? Navel-gazing after the jump. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 31, 2014 - 6 answers

Conceal medical cannabis use in dating profile?

Should I disclose my frequent medical marijuana use in an online dating profile? [more inside]
posted by morganw on Jul 29, 2014 - 33 answers

How to break it off with someone you've seen, uh, once

Let's say you go on a date with someone. The date goes well, you go back to their place. Things happen...SEX things. You realize afterward that it may have been a mistake. Yeah, definitely a mistake. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 26, 2014 - 14 answers

What to do when the guy I'm dating is uncertain about proceeding?

What actions should I take when the guy I have been dating for a month seems confused and uncertain about taking dating to the next level? [more inside]
posted by enantio on Jul 24, 2014 - 33 answers

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy…maybe?

I'm 24 and have almost no dating experience, and I need help knowing whether I should pursue things further with this guy or end it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 22, 2014 - 13 answers

How to decline a date

How can I politely and professionally decline someone from the office who asked me out? [more inside]
posted by mibo on Jul 14, 2014 - 34 answers

BDSMfilter: munches, play parties, and social anxiety

How can an shy, inexperienced kinkster approach potential play partners without being too pushy or creepy? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 14, 2014 - 5 answers

I don't want to meet my wife on Tinder

I'm inept at dating in the real world. Help me learn how to take a girl from acquaintance to date and face the uncertainty in between. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 14, 2014 - 21 answers

What makes someone unattractive?

I'm a young woman without much luck in romantic relationships. I think I may have a problem with my behavior and body language because I'm introverted and I'd like to understand it and maybe gain some control over it. [more inside]
posted by poilkj on Jul 11, 2014 - 28 answers

I think I'm really depressed , will therapy help?

When dealing with depression, what has worked for you . . medications, etc? I don't want to rely too heavily on friends for this, because I have in the past, and they tend to want to avoid you if you tend to talk about it too much. [more inside]
posted by jeepwrnglrwmn on Jul 11, 2014 - 16 answers

single-hood wasted on the single?

What do you or did you enjoy about being single? What do partnered mefites miss? [more inside]
posted by morganw on Jul 10, 2014 - 88 answers

how to break it off with someone I'm not quite dating?

I'm very inexperienced when it comes to romance so please bear with me. I can't tell if I've been somehow misleading or if this guy is just being clingy. I also don't know if I owe anyone an explanation. Details inside. [more inside]
posted by DayTripper on Jul 7, 2014 - 23 answers

Please explain tinder to me

How is it that every guy on tinder is hot when the online dating sites are full of somewhat creepy looking men? Do they have a rating system that they use to sort people or is it just their demographic? Also, how do I view others' moments or are those just the pictures that come up? [more inside]
posted by myselfasme on Jul 6, 2014 - 9 answers

Gather round, OKC profile critics...

I know the topic of OKCupid profile critiques is polarizing. Those who enjoy picking apart profiles and judging photos, please bring your honesty and step on up. [more inside]
posted by justonegirl on Jun 30, 2014 - 32 answers

dating with chronic pain

I have chronic crippling body pain that can strike at any time. I am doing all the things I can to learn to live with it and ease it when it strikes but I have a hard time being with people sometimes because I get snappy when I feel like they don't understand how much energy it takes. Now I have a new girlfriend and it is going to cause problems. Have you lived with pain and relationships? [more inside]
posted by kanata on Jun 26, 2014 - 19 answers

Should I say what I need to say?

Stuck on someone, but things got weird and awkward. Would it be a good idea to open up and just let this person know how I feel about them? Wall o' text commences... [more inside]
posted by christiehawk on Jun 25, 2014 - 16 answers

He keeps on flaking.

Today he forgot about our date, and i am really upset because it shows that he doesn't like me right? I would love to see him more regularly, but it isn't happening. At the beginning of our relationship we were both a bit nervous and getting to know eachother, but the last couple of times have been great and we really connected on a deeper level, which is why i still want to see him, but not sure if it is worth it if he flakes. Details inside. [more inside]
posted by aivilo91 on Jun 21, 2014 - 48 answers

How do I control my high anxiety and sensitivity when dating?

How I can I better handle these intense feelings and hold them in while maintaining the confidence and calmness that made the woman like me in the first place? [more inside]
posted by My Famous Mistake on Jun 13, 2014 - 26 answers

What is the most polite way to turn down a request for a second date?

So, I've jumped into online dating. It's going oddly better than expected, such that I now have a couple etiquette questions: 1) how do I politely turn down a request for a second date? He seems like a kind person and I'd like to avoid hurting his feelings inasmuch as possible, but I wasn't quite feeling that spark of attraction. Is there some equivalent of Miko's breakup talk for this that will help here, something clear but gentle? Also... [more inside]
posted by maggiepolitt on Jun 13, 2014 - 28 answers

Should I try to undo this?

Well, here is a little more of me being neurotic about romantic relationships. (I have long forgotten about the crush I asked my last question about.) Yesterday, I was surprise asked out by email by a guy I have met a couple of times. I hadn't thought of him that way, and had no idea he was interested, but thought about it, decided my evaluation of what I knew so far was that he seemed like a sweet person, and said yes. (And then changed my mind.) [more inside]
posted by picardythird on Jun 12, 2014 - 28 answers

Should I continue pursuing her?

Basically, there is this girl I really really like, and there are a few things that tell me that the feelings are mutual. But she has already told me... twice... That she just wants to be friends with me. The way she acts with me doesn't match what she says though. [more inside]
posted by AbePlaysGuitar on Jun 10, 2014 - 74 answers

How can I stop looking at websites that just make me upset?

I can't stop reading PUA websites even though they make me unhappy, and I'm not sure how to deal with the effects it's having on me. [more inside]
posted by aivilo91 on Jun 9, 2014 - 45 answers

Help me stop becoming a man-hater/bitter ice queen

I used to be a soft, sensitive, hopeful young woman but too many knocks is making me feel hard, and it shows. I am too young to feel this way, help me figure out new thought processes to prevent this from getting worse. [more inside]
posted by DeadFlagBlues on Jun 6, 2014 - 21 answers

How do I talk to the guy I'm dating about this?

We've been dating pretty steadily for 2 months, but now he's suddenly unresponsive and distant. I want to ask him tactfully what's up. [more inside]
posted by shotinthedark on Jun 5, 2014 - 36 answers

International dating- help me stay safe in worst case scenario

I am currently involved in a sexual/dating/subculture where international meetings are normal. Most recently, men have met me in my city and then we have planned a trip later.... And I have had a fab time with these men- they have been great fun! I am okay with meeting men for dinner in Oslo, London or Stockholm..... I have no problem hopping on a plane and meeting a man, spending a few days with him and nipping back home... but I cannot figure out how to make sure that my flight home is paid for- if something doesn't work out. Is there any way to have your flights and hotel paid for, in a way that the host can not just cancel on you if you refuse to have sex with them?
posted by misspony on Jun 4, 2014 - 27 answers

I really just need a walkthrough.

I am really terrible at 1) figuring out what the hell I want, and 2) communicating it. I've started dating a guy and this problem is magnifying my relationship anxieties by a thousand, and it's starting to make me super stressed. Please tell me what I'm doing wrong here! [more inside]
posted by sockitysock on Jun 4, 2014 - 19 answers

A slight under-understanding of Tinder

I am having trouble understanding how matches are formed. If I am bisexual and it shows me pictures of people of both genders, does that mean or imply those people are interested in people of my gender, or does it just randomly show men and women when both are selected? Is the pool of people I am shown a pool of people who already said they liked me first and then people who haven't been asked only after those people? Does it ever show me a picture of someone who has already specifically said they don't like me? And along the same lines, does it sometimes (as it seems) show me a bunch of people who haven't yet had the opportunity to thumbs up or thumbs down me, and if they do thumbs me up, will it then tell me and them we matched at the same time? Thank you. Postscript: Also - why so many matches and so few people initiating conversation?
posted by anonymous on Jun 3, 2014 - 5 answers

How do I come off as smarter?

If you come off as dumb and/or uninformed in social situations, how do you correct this? [more inside]
posted by dekathelon on May 31, 2014 - 67 answers

Too fast? How fast??

I met a lovely woman and I'd like to talk about making the relationship more serious, but I'm completely clueless about norms around this relationship stuff. [more inside]
posted by meta x zen on May 22, 2014 - 18 answers

How to start an (awkward) conversation about my IUD

I had an IUD (Mirena) inserted about a month ago. I recently met someone new (yay!), he's great (yay!), and it seems that sexytimes are soon to be had (yay!). I think I need to talk with him about my IUD, though, and I don't know how. [more inside]
posted by singlesock on May 20, 2014 - 18 answers

Startled by a tender moment - how much to give in?

For the past two years, I've developed an very stable and satisfying dating style that suits me for the time being - I maintain a certain emotional distance and all of my sexual relations fall very easily in the platonic category - I've thus far avoided any complications. However, I was completely startled when a friend I had expected to sleep with ended up being intensely sweet and now my system is a bit shaken up. I'm not sure how much to give in to this feeling I'm having for him. In a way, I can't remember what's normal to be feeling in these situations. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 18, 2014 - 16 answers

Dating advice from non-"PUA"-douchebags?

Seeking recommendations on dating advice for men, unfortunately that entire genre seems to be dominated by "Pick Up Artists" and other assorted misogynist douchebags. Is there any advice to be found out there which comes from a viewpoint which respects women and men? Bonus points if it makes an inspirational case for why one should bother in the first place. [more inside]
posted by linus587 on May 17, 2014 - 21 answers

I'll miss you till I meet you

This terrifies me a little bit...but I was wondering if you lovely people could take a look at my profile and let me know what you think of it. See anything I should improve? (I'm a woman looking to date women.) [more inside]
posted by zahava on May 16, 2014 - 30 answers

Sound of Silence

Can these conversational hiccups be saved? [more inside]
posted by bookgirl18 on May 8, 2014 - 23 answers

OKC Profile, n+1+n

So it's been awhile since I've used OKC, just reactivated the profile, and it's now past due for an overhaul. [more inside]
posted by Matched plain socks on May 7, 2014 - 14 answers

Was it something I said?

I asked a boy out! And he said yes! But then he didn't respond when I tried to nail down the details. What should I do now? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 4, 2014 - 10 answers

How to avoid complacency + continue self-development in a relationship?

I am in a new relationship, and it's very much in the honeymoon phase. This person is amazing and awesome and it feels like I'm getting to know the best friend I never knew I had. This new relationship is very promising, and I would like to avoid all the bad relationship habits/mistakes I've made in the past (mostly around becoming complacent, no longer working on myself, not being as ambitious etc.). What is your advice and personal experience with this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 4, 2014 - 3 answers

Rules for dating: 1...

This is mainly for my much younger sister although it might be relevant for little oink someday ... For the first time she has several people interested in her (they have said so). She asks me for advice. She seems flattered by the attention but not sure how to proceed. They are all good friends. I don't know what to say. Hovering between an unrealistic desire to keep her from getting hurt (don't first relationships often?) and the recognition she has a good head thus trusting her decision. Is there some basic dos and donts?
posted by oink on May 2, 2014 - 30 answers

OkCupid: Why is my inbox not flooded and what's wrong with my pictures?

I'm a woman that just made a new OK Cupid account after a long hiatus. The amount of messages I'm getting are abysmal compared to when I was on the site six months ago. What am I doing wrong? [more inside]
posted by Autumn on May 2, 2014 - 49 answers

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner?

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner? Snowflakery to follow [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2014 - 26 answers

Is this guy just too nice for me to stomach?

A few weeks ago I met this guy through a friend during a night out. While our group was roaming around the city, the two of us walked a few paces behind the rest, absorbed in our conversation. I found him to be cute and smart, if maybe too nice and self-effacing. But I was hoping he would ask me out. Strangely, when he did I didn't feel the excitement I was expecting. [more inside]
posted by caseofyou on Apr 27, 2014 - 57 answers

Missed connection on OKC?

After a break-up of a LTR, I was on OKC and noticed a really cool profile. She seemed really funny, interesting, and smart. Granted, just a profile, but I got a really good vibe from it. I was in no place to date after that break-up and after awhile, she took down her profile. So I didn't message her. The other day, though, I was on Facebook and a group was suggested to me. I click on it, look down, and see her Facebook profile (same photo from OKC). It was a crazy coincidence. Judging by her Facebook, she is single. Any ideas about what I should do? The group she's a member of is huge, so I don't think that would lead to anything. I think the likelihood of us running into each other at any time is probably pretty unlikely (big city). Granted, this all sounds kind of crazy to be pursuing this on the basis of an OKC profile, but she seems really cool and I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions?
posted by thelivingsea on Apr 27, 2014 - 37 answers

Nooope. Not going through this again.

Actively dreading an upcoming date -- probably not a good sign, right? What's the best way to proceed? [more inside]
posted by cucumber patch on Apr 22, 2014 - 28 answers

How do I stop being clingy to people?

I'm wondering how to stop being clingy or needy to people. I find that it gets in the way of me meeting people especially when it comes to dating. I tend to text more than I should or come on too strong on occasion. And I overthink things more than I should. What should I do? I do maintain a busy life but I still make these bad judgments more than I should. I'm very picky if that helps.
posted by antgly on Apr 21, 2014 - 15 answers

A Watched Phone Never Rings

Whenever I am anticipating a date with or a text from the guy that I'm with, I suddenly find myself avoiding everything I need to do in order to just mentally prep for that encounter. This is obviously not a productive or healthy way to anticipate a good thing, but I have acted this way since I was 16 and now at 26 I want to stop trying to be so damn available. Aside from keeping myself busy with obligations I MUST attend to lest there be Serious Repercussions, what else can I do to persuade my mind that living my life in the intervals will allow me to have better relationships, not the other way around?
posted by Hermione Granger on Apr 21, 2014 - 15 answers

Starting online dating when you're still a bit a broken inside

I'm 30, male, British. Over the last few weeks I've felt the clouds of my latest depression begin to part and some sunlight poke through. I'm contemplating trying online dating again. How can I take advantage of this improvement whilst being careful not to over-tax myself and do an emotional crash-and-burn? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 20, 2014 - 12 answers

New relationship and bad (irrational?) feelings?

This is such a little thing I feel ridiculous posting it, but I’m just not sure how to approach this situation (or my feelings about it) so I hope posting here might be helpful! I’ve just started a new relationship (yay!), I like the guy I’ve been seeing, I think he’s funny and caring and interesting, and in general we have fun when we’re together. The whole thing though has been making me feel pretty anxious, I have a history of unhealthy relationships. A little thing (I think) happened about two days ago and it’s set off all these bad feelings, I can’t figure out whether or not I’m being neurotic or even where to go from here. More inside. [more inside]
posted by Ocellar on Apr 17, 2014 - 34 answers

What do I do when okcupid intersects real life?

So, I was always terrified of this happening, but then I got over it. Well, it turns out I was right- eventually, if I stay on okcupid long enough, I'm going to hit the end of single men my age in my city. [more inside]
posted by quincunx on Apr 17, 2014 - 37 answers

online dating, texting, and rejection etiquette

I'm an early 30s lesbian who spent most of her 20s in committed relationships. My latest and most significant ended about a year ago and I've started dipping my toe in the scary online dating waters. I'm not ready to get serious yet but since I've been in these long relationships, I've never really 'dated around' per se, except maybe in my very early 20s- although at the time I was pretty closeted and neurotic, so I hardly even count that. Anyway, I registered on OkCupid and messaged back and forth with a few people. Somewhat naively, I gave two of them my phone number to text. BAD IDEA. More inside.. [more inside]
posted by anad487 on Apr 16, 2014 - 16 answers

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