a shitty question
July 24, 2008 6:46 AM Subscribe
Poop question about normalcy and bowel movements [possibly disgusting]
First, I realize this is sensitive issue, but any feedback would be appreciated (although that might be difficult since responses can't be anonymous).
First, some background. I lived the first 27 years of my life assuming that pooping would take 20-30 minutes and afterwards my butt would be dirty. We're talking really dirty. It would take maybe 1-3 minutes of wiping to clean things up. This might not sound terrible, but the point was that I could _always_ wipe more. There was no point at which the toilet paper would be completely clean. I hated this situation, but I assumed everyone lived like this and I was too embarrassed to mention it to anyone. However, I was more open with my second girlfriend .The subject was broached when I asked her eating habits after noticing (what I thought were) incredibly short bathroom trips. This led to me watching my diet more carefully and finally realizing that I was lactose intolerant. I also discovered the wonders of psyllium husk. Since then pooping has gone from something I dreaded to something I look forward to and actually enjoy. I feel "empty" when I'm done. And I usually wipe completely cleanly (I mean I wipe once to make sure, but most of the time it's completely clean). I'm also usually in the bathroom for less than five minutes, as opposed to a half hour. Occasionally things won't work this well, but that's an abberation.
Now there seem to be two possibilities. One is that this story is unique and most people are not walking around with mudbutt, assuming they don't shower immediately after a dirty poop. I hope this is the case. The other is that many people are living how I used to live. I realize there are obviously personal variations, but I wonder what you experience personally or what you believe is normal or common.
To clarify: When I say a poop is "complete", I mean I feel "empty" and done afterwards and I rarely have to wipe more than once or twice.
When I say a poop is "incomplete", I mean I could keep wiping forever and the toilet paper would still be dirty (from the anus, not the cheeks). Wiping at this point is mainly to get poop off your ass while acknowledging that nothing can really be done about the poop that keeps coming out. I suppose showering would be one solution to this.
I've noticed a few things that have led me to believe a large amount of people are walking around with mudbutt.
1) The prevalence of bathroom reading materials. In movies and on TV people are always reading in the bathroom. I can't imagine having the time to read anything these days, although before my poop habits changed I could probably have read a novel in a sitting. Assuming length of time sitting corresponds with dirty/"incomplete" poops (does it?), this seems to suggest that people who find reading in the bathroom normal are more likely to have dirty butts.
2) Sheryl Crow recently said that one or two squares of toilet paper should be sufficient. This led to a wave of ridicule (ie, Jay Leno: "Remind me not to shake her hand!"). But ridiculing her seems to suggest that people use way more than one or two squares, which should not be the case if their poops are "complete".
3) I've spoken to women (obviously I don't think all women are the same) who have talked about being mortified about farting in public bathrooms. Men's bathrooms seem to smell much more and women seem to not take as long when pooping. These are gross generalizations, but I wonder if length of time in the bathroom and smell correspond with "incomplete" shits and on average, men have mudbutt more often than women.
4) I recently mentioned an "invisible shit" I had to a friend since it was such a rare occurance. By "invisible shit" I meant that I had taken a poop, but it has disappeared into the bowl and when I looked down, I could see nothing in the toilet. He thought I was talking about not having to wipe, where an "invisible shit" meant that nothing was on the toilet paper after pooping. Since he found this to be an extremely rare occurance, that suggests that he often has "incomplete" poops.
I'd be interested if complete/incomplete was actually something other people experienced or just something I made up, and what other people's normal habits are.