How do you learn to never ever infatuate someone?
June 24, 2008 12:25 PM Subscribe
Drama penguin of the day: I am infatuating a work colleague of mine badly and I am looking for resources to understand the nature of my infatuation to get over it.
posted by anonymous to human relations (13 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
My life sucks right now, because I fell for a coworker. Not a bad ass guy, and I wouldn't mind work-ethics etc and actually could go for it, if there wasn't the following background facts.
1- Although it is about to end, I am in a long-term (and since several months also long distance) relationship and I am tagged as taken (also, the colleague has already met my boyfriend twice). Let' s skip this part of the story.
2-This colleague will be leaving the workplace in several months for a job overseas.
And less importantly:
3- I am neither the best looking nor the most confident woman on earth. I was raised in a social environment where it's not too welcome when women make the first move. Generally, I am shy towards guys I like in that way.
My brain capacity is reduced to 3% right now and I am very sad because nothing will ever come out of this. And even if it did, he will go away soon. I can pull myself somewhat together and we get along well as colleagues when we talk about this and that. We have once spent several hours together on a journey. I am pretty sure that he thinks of me as a pleasant person. I do not want to spoil this and destroy the nice professional relationship we have by saying or doing something stupid and freaking him out. I actually did such a mistake once with another crush of mine and it resulted in unbearable awkwardness.
This being the third infatuation in my life, should hopefully be the last one (I am turning 30 soon!) It's so sad that it's stupid to wake up every morning and think about that one person and be sad until you go back to bed in the evening, to have that constant hopelessness feeling in the back of your mind, messing up the concentration at work totally and in general feeling like shit all day, your mind full of recurrent and sad what-ifs.
Some more information: we are sharing the same office (with others), and there is no possibility for a change in office place. He once told me he tends to have short-term relationships. He is a nice, outgoing person, so if he had any interest he would have showed me (although here I tend to forget about my official relationship status). He is smart as hell, and actually he might be suspecting what is going on with me and kind of enjoying that as long as I am not going too far.
My work requires a lot of concentration and analytical thinking, at which I am really having some problems right now. I need my brain back. I just want to be happy without missing someone I don't really know so much. Sadly, the more I get to know him, the better I like him, but no matter how good it "could be", it never "won't be". And I think I should understand that.
My colleague will be away from the workplace for some weeks soon, and I would like to use this period of time to recover and to understand what is going on. I would like to start some sort of a healing process before he returns. How can I get over this? And how can I learn out of this?
I also would like to be armed and built up some defenses against future infatuations. I basically want to get smarter about why this is happening.
So dear MeFites, please share here with me whatever knowledge, ideas, literature or wise jokes or even song recommendations, really anything, you might have on this subject. What's the deal with a crush, why do we have it, why do some of us get so sad when having a crush? Is it abnormal? Why do we get obsessed with that one person? And why will they never love us back?
Can I learn to be a less dreamy, more logical person, at my age, before I get so sad about anyone?
My throw-away: email@example.com (although I might not be able to reply right away). Thanks a lot. I love you already for your help.