How can I get less wackadoodle when I meet someone I really like?
April 1, 2008 5:55 PM Subscribe
How can I be more relaxed, and less anxious (read: totally flipping out) about dating people I like?
posted by anonymous to human relations (8 answers total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
I'm wondering if people have any suggestions for managing really strong feelings for someone they just met, so that they can get to know them slower and be able to maintain some sense of rationality in their normal life.
I find, when I meet a woman that I really like, and feel like I have some chemistry with, that I'm totally emotional and sort of out of control. That used to be a euphoric kind of excitement, and I suppose I was ok with that. I felt excited and positive, even if I felt like I was riding in a car with no breaks.
I'm 32 and I've been burned by love a couple of times. And find that my somewhat freaky excitement in the early stages of a relationship have turned off women in the past. I feel like it's definitely a turnoff. I think I've toned it down a lot, although I'm worried now that I act more disinterested or kind of weirdly awkward around a woman I like, for fear of scaring her off, to the extent that she's either confused of my intentions or thinks that I want to be friends. That baggage has turned the euphoric feeling to a total feeling of dread and doom. I would really like to not feel this way.
I have a really hard time managing all this. And sometimes feel like I'm the only person with this particular problem.
A particular problem is with the telephone. Between the time I call said person, and the time I get the return call, I tend to be a total mess. Sometimes I need to let them leave a message, so I can recompose myself and calm down. [I'd love some female perspective on how they feel about returning calls and what seems reasonable time wise, in terms of how long they take to get back to someone.]
Another specific is how to deal with the ups and downs of getting to know someone. I spent about 24 hours with someone this weekend in a non-dating situation (no nookey-we made plans to meet up at a festival we were both going to). We've talked a bit about dating so I think we're somewhat on the same page. There were some really lovely moments hanging out with her. But I probably won't see her for at least a week and maybe more, and now I feel super down and anxious.
I've met a couple of women recently that I've felt really compatible with, and each time I get really anxious. I'm not sure exactly what to do. I don't want to pass them by but lately all this emotion is controlling my life more than I feel comfortable.
I'm also open to the idea that lot of this is normal, and I should just suck it up.
PS I have some mild OCD which certainly contributes to these, well, obsessive thought patterns. I can generally manage the OCD but I think with someone I feel really strongly about, my body and mind are probably freaking out on endorphins or something like that so much that it's much harder for me to control.
Thanks for any advice, aneqdotal or otherwise.