Getting over a coworker
December 4, 2007 6:51 PM Subscribe
How do you get over someone you work with?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (12 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
About three months ago, I dated a coworker for a couple of weeks. At the time, I was emotionally vulnerable - the dual heartbreak of the recent dissolution of my first serious relationship and being dumped by my best friend of five years, plus living in a new city and lacking reliable friendships. The thing with the coworker was brief but intense, and though I warned him of the state I was in, he assured me that was fine, that he was crazy about me and wanted to see this through, and so forth - and I fell pretty hard. Then his ex-girlfriend of five years returned from the Peace Corps to visit him, and suddenly he was all confused. After two months of indecisiveness, he resolved that he doesn't want a girlfriend right now, and wants to focus on his own self.
He of course has the right to do whatever's in his own best interest, and we dated so briefly that rationally, resentment on my part would be ridiculous. But given the circumstances, it's been really difficult for me to move on when I have to see and interact with him every day, especially given how much easier all this seems for him. He's a much more rational, happy person anyway, with varied friends and varied interests. He has worked at our (very small) office much longer than I have, and everyone loves him; I have trouble making friends and felt lonely and left out of the social circle at work to begin with, and now even more so (none of our coworkers know what happened.).
I am fairly certain at this point that even had there been no ex-girlfriend, we would have been incompatible, given how much more I had at stake and our relative importance in each other's lives. But all of this is bringing out aspects of myself that I hate - insecurity, resentment over someone else's happiness, obsessiveness, clinginess, repeated requests for "talks." (I am so ashamed.) He's a nice guy and wants to be friends, and I would like to be friends, too, but I feel completely unable to gain the necessary perspective when I'm reminded of this very painful time in my life every single day.
So, how do I get past this? Quitting my job is unfortunately not an option - it's my dream job, in my dream location, and similar positions in this field are very hard to come by. I'm in the bay area, female, and probably too old for this (mid-20's).