Mind-melting scenarios...

November 8, 2007 2:52 PM

Early sexual/non-sexual odd-experiences filter. How common is a guy climaxing without any sex at all?

So, twice, a while ago, in my first real relationship, during some very intense making-out, but with all of our clothing certainly on, I ejaculated. Since I was not at home, this was unexpected, crazy, and, in my mind, very bad. After that, I was very hesitant about getting to that level. A little while ago, a friend implied (on a separate issue) that the same thing had happened to him. I figure, without the whole walking-home-and-feeling-insane part, it might be something sort-of okay, but there isn't much discussion other than the obviously-kidding 'came in my pants' type remarks.

posted by anonymous to human relations (29 comments total)

don't worry about it. it's messy and maybe embarrassing, but not freakish or abnormal.
posted by thinkingwoman at 2:58 PM on November 8, 2007

"came in my pants" is a common remark because it actually happens. I can't say it has happened to me recently, but back in the heady days of early high school when the 'ol petting got a little heavy? Sure, a couple of times.

Over time things usually get less sensitive down there and it stops happening.
posted by mbatch at 3:02 PM on November 8, 2007

Never heard the phrase "creamed his jeans?"
posted by jon1270 at 3:06 PM on November 8, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Unless there's pain, burning, or other irritation accompanying the ejaculation, I'd say it's perfectly normal.

Enjoy it while it lasts, I say. It won't be that easy forever--unless you're really lucky. :-)
posted by dossy at 3:07 PM on November 8, 2007

A good friend of mine (female) was making out with this annoying hipster dude she was dating, and this happened while they were making out and he was grinding against her. Call us bitches, but we did not like the guy and referred to him as the "leg humper" from that day forward (not to his face, obvs).

When that friend told us about it, another of our friends chimed in that her boyfriend had done it on their very first date, and that it was really obvious but luckily they were at his house so he just got up and changed. She didn't say anything about it because she really liked him, and said it was a good sign that he was really into her.

All of the people in these two situations were grown adults, not teenagers, so I found it interesting as it seemed more common than I thought.
posted by SassHat at 3:09 PM on November 8, 2007

It's common, it happened to me in my first heavy make-out session. I believe what triggered it wasn't the kissing but the reciprocation.

She wants to! With me!
posted by Mblue at 3:17 PM on November 8, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

That happened with a guy I dated. I don't recall thinking it was strange, abnormal or anything he should be embarrassed about, though he seemed pretty sheepish about it.
posted by necessitas at 3:20 PM on November 8, 2007

Next time try masturbating the day before your date, that should take some of the edge off and give you a little more control.
posted by InfidelZombie at 3:39 PM on November 8, 2007

Ugh, I don't want to think of the number of times that happened to me. Heck, when I finally did lose my virginity, it was the 3rd time I came that night (well, 4th if you count masturbating before the date). "Wow, you *really* are sensitive." But once she found out I was a virgin, she had to get the metaphorical trophy.
posted by nobeagle at 3:44 PM on November 8, 2007

If this happened to a partner of mine, I would think it was normal (especially for a young guy), totally hot, and kind of adorable.
posted by ottereroticist at 3:53 PM on November 8, 2007

Common, common, common. Not a big deal at all, but I do understand that it can be embarrassing.

InfidelZombie's advice might work for you, but I don't recall it working for me...just something completely different about having another person involved.
posted by never used baby shoes at 3:54 PM on November 8, 2007

Totally normal. It is not very bad, or even a little bit bad.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:59 PM on November 8, 2007

How common is a guy climaxing without any sex at all?

Just be clear, you were making out, so you were aroused and you did what pretty much every other guy has done at one time. It's so common and normal that to even think about how common and normal it is wastes valuable brainpower that could be used thinking about sex.

In short, you are astonishingly normal and should try to get yourself in such a situation again ASAP.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:00 PM on November 8, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Relax, it's not a big deal. I mean, you don't want to make a habit of it, because it sort of prevents things from continuing, but it's hardly something about which to freak. Hell, I once climaxed with zero sexual desire involved. I was watching television, I found something funny, and I laughed so hard that I came. That was awkward, let me tell you.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:02 PM on November 8, 2007 [12 favorites has favorites]

Ubiquitous.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 4:08 PM on November 8, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Another vote for "Reasons why high school is a terrible time."
posted by klangklangston at 4:31 PM on November 8, 2007

common. it even happens in movies.
posted by gnutron at 4:32 PM on November 8, 2007

When I was in high school, that was the moment I knew I had complete power (muhahaha!).

Seriously, while it's nothing to be proud of, it's nothing to be ashamed of either. I second the masturbation advice. At least as a girl who's been on the, um, receiving end?
posted by Gucky at 4:59 PM on November 8, 2007

Yeah, common. And of COURSE it's embarrassing. Anyone telling you "don't be embarrassed" is 100% right and 100% idealistic - that shit's mortifying. It's very easy to convince yourself that a girl will think it's weird, and I'm sure the occasional girl will, but if/when it happens agai, remind yourself that there's nothing wrong with it.
posted by ORthey at 5:07 PM on November 8, 2007

Totally happens all the time, especially with younger guys. Pretty uncommon, though not unheard of, with women.
posted by jessamyn at 6:07 PM on November 8, 2007

As a male, you can also have an orgasm without an ejaculation. This is most common in adolescent and child males who masturbate but who have not yet developed the physical ability to ejaculate. This is different from a retrograde ejaculation, where the ejaculate is forced into the bladder.
posted by meehawl at 6:30 PM on November 8, 2007

Happens to my boyfriend very often.
posted by divabat at 7:40 PM on November 8, 2007

I'm sure he'd appreciate that I told the world that. :\
posted by divabat at 7:41 PM on November 8, 2007

Remember that this is a whole system, not some binary switch. It's all sorts of combinations of input that can push a dude over the edge. Be dang sure you comprehend that it's not even a common problem, it's a genuine common natural result of getting sufficiently hot and bothered.

If making a mess in your shorts would be a bad thing, plan for it; but it's the mess in your shorts, and not how you produced it, that should be the only real circumstance of concern.
posted by cortex at 9:17 PM on November 8, 2007

Follow-up from someone who prefers to remain anonymous:

I'm female, but in my experience, this is normal for young guys and not unheard of in not-so-young guys. I'm dating a thirty-four-year-old man, and the first time we got physical, he came in his pants twice -- not even from me kissing him (I hadn't touched him at all!), but from him eating me out. He didn't even let me know at the time, just hid it completely, and I was upset to find out after the fact. Next time I saw him, the same thing happened again, and I was thrilled he let me know. Both days, he was embarrassed and apologetic ("I haven't felt this way since middle school, I swear this never happens to me") and I couldn't reassure him enough. Because it made me feel like the hottest woman in the entire universe.

You might need to worry about cleanup, but if the girl's a keeper, you shouldn't need to worry about her reaction to something that's (a) not unusual for guys of all ages and (b) really fucking hot.

posted by jessamyn at 9:45 PM on November 8, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Anonymous (via jessamyn):
"You might need to worry about cleanup, but if the girl's a keeper, you shouldn't need to worry about her reaction to something that's (a) not unusual for guys of all ages and (b) really fucking hot."

This.

I distinctly remember this happening many times during my first relationship where she and I spent copious amounts of time improving our kissing/caressing skills (no grinding or dryhumping involved)... we got to a point where we could really turn each other on (to the edge of climax) by breathing/biting/kissing/touching. It was pretty wonderful. (sadly, since then, havent been able to find a girl with similar tactile interests :|
posted by jmnugent at 2:23 AM on November 9, 2007

I think it's normal, one way to lessen a lady friend's frustration with it is continue the action and get her off, too.

It's selfish to stop just because you came. She's hot and bothered too!
posted by sondrialiac at 6:00 AM on November 9, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

This happened to me a few times when I was just becoming sexually active as an adolescent. I had this delightful little "condom" like apparatus I'd wear on dates, to keep a huge wet stain from forming down the front of my pants if she did something hot like hold my hand.
posted by scarabic at 8:40 PM on November 14, 2007

i dunno, i was flattered when the guy i was dating had it happen to him. :)
posted by ifjuly at 6:04 PM on November 16, 2007