Orgasm problems: my girlfriend can't have one
October 2, 2007 6:31 AM Subscribe
Orgasm problems: my girlfriend can't have one with me. After a certain point, she says it feels "too intense" and she gets scared and makes me stop. She was molested as a child (though this is possibly irrelevant). How can she get past this?
posted by trystero to Human Relations (20 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
We've tried just about everything, but no matter what we try, after a certain point the feelings become too strong, she gets scared or overwhelmed and asks me to stop.
She's very frustrated that she can't have an orgasm with me and fears that she may be "broken." We've tried reading the usual books on the subject, but she doesn't feel like anything they say is helpful to her.
She's had orgasms rarely in the past. Sometimes she's brought herself to orgasm (I'm told) and a few previous boyfriends have occasionally been able to bring her to orgasm. Her first boyfriend could give her orgasms through her breasts alone. On the other hand, I've never had trouble giving my past girlfriends an orgasm.
Complicating this problem is that I have a tendency to "finish early" if you know what I mean. In my past relationships, this wasn't a problem, because I enjoy being attentive in other ways (i.e., oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc.) But my girlfriend says that she doesn't like masturbating because it reminds her of the times she was molested. So my speculation is that we have had trouble in particular because, for her, the sex qua sex isn't long enough, and oral sex and/or mutual masturbation are negatively associated with her past experiences.
But it's entirely possible that I'm completely off the mark, and it's something else entirely. I'm at a bit of a loss here. Any help would be appreciated. If it helps, I'm in my mid-twenties and she's in her low thirties.