Yes, I will probably abandon Metafilter because of how often flaming comments are deleted.
August 17, 2007 2:06 PM Subscribe
If all that ‘be yourself’ dating advice here ever annoyed you, then this question’s for you. Tips for stopping being oneself, when that is counterproductive?
posted by Aidan Kehoe to human relations (32 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
When I am sober and really do not care what other people think of me and what I’m doing, I am playful and jeery, and am happy when other people reciprocate. This is counterproductive in interacting with basically everyone outside of the people I spent my teens with.
So. Because being honest and open is less work than being careful and considered about everything I do and say, I’ve tried to switch back to the former, as far as it will work. And that’s been good. Except that now it’s stopped being good (but it’s still early signs, not a huge deal), and I’ve acquired an alcohol habit that means my earlier self-discipline has gone away.
Realistically from my previous rewiring-the-brain experience (learning second languages well, programming), I need to stop downing a bottle of wine a night, and to go back to considering in silly empirical detail the consequences of everything I say (which consideration worked really well, for a long time). But does anyone have any tips beyond that for this—for actually communicating who you are and what you feel, while suppressing that you think that anyone who can’t take evidently-joking criticism has something wrong with them?
I am pessimistic about getting a helpful answer to this question, but part of why I’m posting it is perhaps to communicate that not everyone’s actual personality includes social skills that work well in society at large, and that is not necessarily a huge deal.