Ugly names for access points?

August 17, 2007 1:55 PM

Help me name my WiFi AP in such a way that no one will want to connect to it.

I'm installing a WiFi access point in my apartment. It will be left unsecured -- so I'd like to name it something that is absolutely repulsive, perhaps even paranoia inducing... So far, the best I've been able to come up with is "CREDIT CARD STEALING AUTOMATON". Any ideas?

This is an exercise in fun, not network security; please save advice about leaving a network unsecured for other threads.

posted by fake to Computers & Internet (51 answers total)

If you really want to keep people from connecting to it, use a whitespace character as the name, or perhaps a long alphanumeric string.
posted by armage at 1:58 PM on August 17, 2007

I use "ERROR WHILE FETCHING NETWORK NAME" and other fake errors. "ACCESS DENIED" is too tempting, so I hide behind an apparent malfunction.
posted by SteelyDuran at 1:58 PM on August 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

...but that wouldn't be paranoia-inducing. In that case, perhaps something Lovecraftian?
posted by armage at 1:58 PM on August 17, 2007

VirusTest3
posted by niles at 1:59 PM on August 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

Reformat Drive
posted by avoision at 2:00 PM on August 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Are ESSIDs 8-bit clean? Use high characters that are hard to type. Or use control characters. Maybe even VT102 screen control codes to defeat unixy snoopers.

You could also use the name of ANOTHER neary WAP with a space on the end so they connect to the wrong one (or if the other one is secured, they try connecting and it fails).

The problem with all my ideas so far is that the ideas don't work if you can pick them off a list.
posted by SteelyDuran at 2:02 PM on August 17, 2007

"FBI SURVEILLANCE OPS" maybe? "9600 BPS LINE" is repulsive in its own way, too.
posted by Servo5678 at 2:02 PM on August 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

NAMBLA
posted by boo_radley at 2:11 PM on August 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

"HONEY POT" (credit to my friend Stephen for that one)
posted by SteelyDuran at 2:12 PM on August 17, 2007

'TO CATCH A PREDATOR'
posted by WinnipegDragon at 2:16 PM on August 17, 2007

At an airport I once saw FREE GAY PORN as an SSID. Not sure if that would attract or detract.
posted by k8t at 2:19 PM on August 17, 2007

I've seen "Buttsex" in the wild. On the other hand, I used that network, so I guess it wasn't too effective.
posted by brett at 2:21 PM on August 17, 2007

"KIDDIEPORN"

or maybe "hp", since that's what a recent unconfigured HP printer will annoyingly broadcast, and those are ubiquitous enough that most people will look right past them.
posted by contraption at 2:29 PM on August 17, 2007

How about "Unavailable"? Maybe I'm dumb, but if I saw that in a list of network names, I'd skip it.
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 2:41 PM on August 17, 2007

NETWORK WARNING

Disconnected Network

Linux Only Network

Unable to fetch network

I'M WATCHING WHAT YOU TYPE

Please alert administrator;912&F

or something random like that.
posted by ALongDecember at 2:43 PM on August 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

"Network Access Logger 2.9.3"
posted by SteelyDuran at 2:47 PM on August 17, 2007

Most of these suggestions would make me more likely to try to attach them them for what it's worth.

Maybe something like Private Monitored Network - Please Don't Use. That's at least polite, and I might be more inclined to respect somebody's explicit wishes about something like that.
posted by willnot at 2:50 PM on August 17, 2007

Someone in the suite next to ours at work had 'hellvirus.exe' - it was amazing to me how many IT professionals were convinced by this that their PCs had been infected with a virus. Sigh...
posted by pierow at 2:53 PM on August 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

How about just hiding the broadcast ID rather than giving it a visible name? Nobody will see it (unless they're running NetStumbler or the like) so no one will connect to it. Shut off the SSID. Set your systems up to connect to this hidden network. Once they've found it once, they'll know to look for it in the future.
posted by caution live frogs at 2:59 PM on August 17, 2007

Maybe try headers from your spam. Some in my inbox at the moment:

SAVE $ ~ Buy Prescription Rx Medication Online DISCREETLY

Be the most confident man in town

Thanx for Purchasing Rolex, Tracking#GV93
posted by meech at 3:03 PM on August 17, 2007

Goatse.cx
faxmodem
spamtrap
connecting . . . . . .
internal error: %40 %1%1
christ, what an asshole
ethereal logging 24/7
password = "tubgirl"
posted by theora55 at 3:08 PM on August 17, 2007

"Reverse-charge Wi-Fi Trial"

"Access point rebooting - please wait"

"Remote IP Harvester"
posted by Chunder at 3:11 PM on August 17, 2007

I used to use "Minneapolis Police Dept" but wondered if that would be too temptnig. Currently mine is "WEAK SIGNAL". I wonder if "New Java update available for download" would confuse people enough.
posted by thilmony at 3:18 PM on August 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

Mine is called "Wap will close if abused". No leechers yet, but the population density is pretty low.
posted by singingfish at 3:26 PM on August 17, 2007

Not exactly what you are looking for, but couldn't you just turn off the SSID? It would make you pretty much invisible.

But more on topic:

LOL w0nt hack
Free Credit Card Numbers
I use Ethereal (or more updated: I use Wireshark)
Viral Test Feed

I would avoid all of these.
posted by quin at 3:43 PM on August 17, 2007

Yeah, but meech wouldn't that attract the @#@#^% people that actually respond to spam? :P
posted by edjusted at 3:46 PM on August 17, 2007

I SEE YOU
posted by kindall at 3:46 PM on August 17, 2007

Mine is called VIRUS DETECTED

used to be named NO FREE INTERNET FOR YOU,ASSHOLE
posted by porn in the woods at 3:59 PM on August 17, 2007

RIAACyberPatrol
CopyrightInfringementMonitor
posted by Zonker at 4:01 PM on August 17, 2007

I wouldn't find any of these too disuasive, if my laptop was telling me there's a strong, free signal, the exceptions being Willnot's 'Private Monitored Network - Please Don't Use', and perhaps thilmony's 'Police Department' (except realistically, why would the police department have a wireless hub in my apartment building?).
posted by Flashman at 4:16 PM on August 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

AOL
posted by fire&wings at 4:30 PM on August 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

POLICE

or turn off SSID broadcast.
posted by Nelson at 4:30 PM on August 17, 2007

Definitely spoof DNS requests of non-you mac addresses so that all requests over http go to goatselike.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 4:34 PM on August 17, 2007

CARNIVORE TESTER v3.2c8
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:57 PM on August 17, 2007

I keep thinking "anal warts"
v1agra
network offline
tmobile-have credit card handy
identity theft...connect here
my router is broken
stealing your passwords
posted by filmgeek at 5:00 PM on August 17, 2007

"pubes"

it's the word that ruins everything!
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:08 PM on August 17, 2007

No SSID will be paranoia-inducing, because anyone who knows the little required to look at an SSID and react to it knows that truly paranoia-inducing SSIDs are things like "free wireless" or "smith family".

(And that networks that are secret and not honeypots just don't broadcast SSID in the first place.)
posted by mendel at 5:38 PM on August 17, 2007

Unless you're just looking for cuteness, make it hidden. If you don't broadcast the SSID every normal device can connect to it, you just have to type it in manually. My Wii and DS both connect fine through my hidden-but-not-encrypted access point.
posted by JZig at 5:54 PM on August 17, 2007

Name it something shifty, and then turn of SSID broadcast. Then, if they sniff it out, they might wish they hadn't.
posted by TomMelee at 5:58 PM on August 17, 2007

Best answer: I READ YOUR EMAILS
posted by limon at 9:39 PM on August 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

How about something like "Public WiFi $30 / hour"?

If I saw that I would assume it's going to require a credit card number to use, and the price is ridiculous.

FWIW, most of the answers above are too "inside baseball" to deter casual snoopers and freeloaders...

Also everyone who says just hide the SSID is right...
posted by mmoncur at 9:45 PM on August 17, 2007

Just call it 2WIRE847 - that's what one of the major commercial wireless providers calls theirs (vary the last three digits).
posted by aberrant at 10:32 PM on August 17, 2007

abberant: So that's who keeps popping up on my list of available networks. Thanks.
posted by spaceman_spiff at 10:53 PM on August 17, 2007

A Robot Made of Meat--
How do you spoof DNS requests of non-you mac addresses so that all requests over http go to ____ ?
posted by sharkfu at 12:17 AM on August 18, 2007

"SSID Unavailable"

Although, I'd still try to connect to it. And pretty much every other suggestion so far.

You need to at least turn of SSID broadcast if you don't want to roll out the red carpet to others.
posted by Kadin2048 at 12:27 AM on August 18, 2007

Response by poster: Thanks everyone - I think I'm going to go with "I READ YOUR EMAILS" for the moment, but the bizarre characters, Ethereal/wireshark references, and actually all your answers are really much appreciated. Thanks for all the great ideas.
posted by fake at 5:30 AM on August 18, 2007

Hey fake, if I came across an SSID like that, it'd certainly pique my interest and I might even try to join just to see what's on there. I think that might defeat your goal of staying under the radar....
posted by aberrant at 8:19 AM on August 18, 2007

sharkfu: Upside-Down-Ternet, among other methods
posted by niles at 2:56 PM on August 18, 2007

default.
linksys.
netgear.
posted by joeclark at 5:02 PM on August 18, 2007

Well, my friend's neighbors named theirs "poop touch" but that just made us giggle when we logged on, so I don't recommend it.
posted by nerdcore at 9:36 PM on August 20, 2007

KEYSTROKE LOGGER
posted by Four Flavors at 5:12 PM on August 21, 2007