My life is not a Steve Carell movie

July 21, 2007 3:36 PM

Please help me not be the next 40 year old virgin!

I'm a guy pushing 30 and I'm still a virgin. I'd like to change that. This question is not about how to meet women or get them to sleep with me. It's a little more, um, practical than that.

I've only done more than make out with 3 women. As a result, I'm really insecure when I'm with a new girl, which leads to performance anxiety.

The inexperience stems in part from not being very assertive when I was younger and having self-esteem issues related to my weight. I'm not perfect, but those are no longer holding me back in terms of approaching women, flirting, or dating. But now the inexperience is perpetuating itself.

Recent example: I had gone out with this girl a handful of times and we made out a little. After one night of lots of drinking and dancing, she came back to my place. Both of us were really turned on all night, things were going well. We're in bed, lots of foreplay, still very turned on. As soon as she actually reached down and started to give me a handjob, I went limp. She was very attractive, and I was very interested, so that wasn't the problem. We talked a little about me being inexperienced, laughed it off because we were both wasted, then went to sleep. Same embarrassing scene the next morning! But sober and without a good excuse. That's a blow to the self esteem (not at all the blow I was looking for).

Neither of us was looking for anything super serious at the time, so when I wasn't really up for the benefits part of friends-with-benefits, that little fling went away. And I'm starting to freak out about repeating the above scenario with the next girl... and the next....

In the ideal situation, I'd be comfortable enough with whoever is in my bed to talk about this, and she'd be cool and patient so taking it that slow wouldn't be a problem. But it doesn't always work that way. I don't necessarily want to have the "I've only been with 3 other girls and I'm still a virgin" conversation with every girl I might sleep with. And I don't necessarily want to wait until I find my soulmate to have sex. So I'm looking for tips to get through some future casual hook-ups. All my plumbing works just fine. I masturbate regularly (but I don't think that was an issue in my last encounter... I could've hopped into bed with a loaded gun and not been able to pull the trigger that night).

What can I do, mentally or physically, to get past this roadblock? Any suggestions appreciated.

posted by anonymous to human relations (31 comments total)

1. Remember that everybody was a virgin at some point.
2. Relax - it's really not a huge deal that you're a virgin unless you make it a huge deal.
3. No really, stop thinking in terms of this being a race to lose your virginity.
4. You speak of an ideal situation where you want to be comfortable enough to communicate and take it slow - only then you put yourself in the exact opposite situation. Your brain and your penis aren't playing on the same field. I'm guessing that if you actually put yourself in your ideal situation that you will be much more comfortable.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 3:52 PM on July 21, 2007

Two previous relevant threads:
I couldn't get it up, what now?
first-time sex advice

Baseline advice: if you find that you can't get it up, focus on getting her off. Take you mind off yourself.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:01 PM on July 21, 2007

go to one of those "ranches" in rural nevada where prostitution is legal. they're pros, they've seen it all, in no time at all you won't be a virgin anymore.
posted by bruce at 4:18 PM on July 21, 2007

I wonder if a paid professional might help here - not suggesting she "teach" you, but just to take the pressure off you to perform. I understand that prostitution is illegal in some parts of the world, so my next suggestion is to put a personal ad online where you are upfront about your situation and seeking short term tutors. Again, if you can face knowing that they know, it might take the pressure off. It's certainly a unique selling point.
posted by b33j at 4:24 PM on July 21, 2007

I think you answered your own question. The next time you're with a girl, making out etc., whisper to her about it.

The first girl I was ever "with" knew about my "condition" and she really took her time to make me comfortable. It rocked!

Also take some time to flirt. Just little things like telling a barrista that she "looks really nice today". Do that for a while and you will feel much more relaxed.
posted by snsranch at 4:50 PM on July 21, 2007

I concur with the pro ho paid professional lady-of-the-night aspect. You said you want to do casual, right? Well......... HELLO!!!!! Nothing sleazy about it at all. Find someone that's your type (or not, whatev) and hit it. Hit it twice, three, four times, whatever. Her job is to fuck you. So you don't have to worry about satisfying her unless you want to.

Oh, and for the record, it took me about 5-6 years to get to a point where I was "good" at sex, so please don't get pissed off if you're not a sex god in like a month or so.
posted by damnjezebel at 5:08 PM on July 21, 2007

And I don't necessarily want to wait until I find my soulmate to have sex.

I am seconding/thirding any suggestions that involve paying for a professional lady to help you get over the first experience. That way, the next time you get close to a woman, you won't have the "virgin" thing hanging over your head, and you'll (hopefully) have a lot of advice and knowledge from your paid experience to help you along.

What LobsterMitten said is nice too :P I don't know any guy that doesn't find intense enjoyment in being involved in a girl getting off. It would at least take your mind off your own body.

Another random opinion I can throw in: I've never had a sexual relationship with anyone that is OMGAWESOME from the beginning - in fact, it can be downright stale, and I've found it hard to relax in the past. The connection builds, and the sex gets better as you go along, and it's ten times easier if you go into it thinking "I want to touch this person" than "I want an orgasm to happen in 15 seconds". If you go limp, it's not like it's broken forever, it can come back. Just means you need to find something else to do (massages, oral, jiggle her boobies, mess around, watch some porn) until you're hard again.
posted by saturnine at 5:23 PM on July 21, 2007

I can't believe so many people are recommending prostitution over just getting a couple of viagras. I mean, regardless of how you feel about it morally, it just seems over the top.

Even if it's not strictly speaking a physiological problem - even if you can get it up when you're alone - it might have a useful placebo effect ("I CAN get it up tonight, dammit!") backed by the momentary guarantee that you won't have a physiological problem in addition to your psychological block.

I don't know what your access to medical care is like, but it seems like you shouldn't have to call too many urologists before you find one with enough sympathy for your plight to prescribe you 1 or 2 pills.
posted by rkent at 6:13 PM on July 21, 2007

Don't get a hooker for your first time. That's like some bad movie where a guy's buddies take him to Tijuana or something.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:20 PM on July 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

My first GF was crazy bad in bed. After the innitial rush of omygodimfinallyhavingsexblegh wore off I started to find it difficult to maintain an erection around her. I attributed it to something I was doing wrong, she felt it was something wrong with me as well, tension built and eventually we broke up. I soon found a girl who excited me and everything got back on a fair footing (incidentally, she wasn't a girl I would have picked out of a crowd as 'my type'. Some kind of pheromone thing, I dunno).

Anyway, even with this new girl I would get this fear that the same thing would happen, that things'd get going and I'd get nervous or dissinterested and be unable to perform. I worried so much about this happening, as a matter of fact, that it did happen, just when I least wanted it to. The more I'd worry that it might happen, the more likely it was to happen and the resulting embarassment and frustration fueled the innitial worry about it happening. An ugly cycle developed.

What finally broke the cycle was a matter of self-realization, but before I reached that point I went through a cavalcade of self-doubt, worry, and snake-oil (Word to the wise, Horney Goat Weed, Yohimbe, Kava-kava and all that herbal 'sex-enhancer' crap is bullshit; shit just makes you jumpy.)

First of all, try to remember that this girl is in bed with you because she wants to be there. She finds you attractive and wants that hurkin' slab of man-meat you're packin' in her booty (or, you know, whatever).

Secondly, that doesn't mean that you have to be in a hurry to get there. Take your time; allow yourself to relax and be in the moment. I found that doing sexual-ish things before getting down to business helped to warm us both up. Take a shower together, hang out naked, do something that allows you to see that she's as comfortable with your naked body as you are.

Third, don't feel obligated to make excuses. If you can't get going just when you feel you need to it really isn't a big deal unless you make it one. Most girls are totally cool with this kind of thing, and anyone who more or less demands that you give her the business right when she tells you to is an asshat. Keep playing around, cuddle, 'take a break', whatever; but don't start appologizing or telling her about your Biggest Fear. You're not impotent, just a little gun-shy. It won't last forever.

Lastly, you can always break out the big guns and get hammered. Find a chick who's down and get the two of you well into the grip of the grape. Things usually take care of themselves from there.

Good luck. Seriously.
posted by Pecinpah at 6:20 PM on July 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

After one night of lots of drinking and dancing...

Alcohol can be a killer. If you're thinking that things might end up moving a little beyond the makeout point during the night, put your drink down the moment you realize it and stick to water.

A drink or two can be fine to loosen things up or lighten the mood, but if you're trying to make a move, do not get wasted.
posted by sellout at 6:49 PM on July 21, 2007

Hmm, my last post might not have been very clear, so I'll spell it out: alcohol can severely affect the ability to maintain an erection. Add in some doubts and performance anxiety, and it's all downhill.

Stay sober, keep a clear head, and let your body do the rest.

Also, what LobsterMitten said. Take care of her, and it won't even be a big deal. She'll be totally patient and understanding. (And if she's not, she's not worth your time anyway.)
posted by sellout at 6:56 PM on July 21, 2007

I agree with LobsterMitten. Your performance anxiety might lessen if you know you can get her off with something other than your dick. Start reading up on good oral technique. Maybe just knowing you have that fallback option will be enough to give you confidence.
posted by christinetheslp at 6:57 PM on July 21, 2007

Get seriously fit. Worked for me.
posted by flabdablet at 7:03 PM on July 21, 2007

And I'm starting to freak out about repeating the above scenario with the next girl... and the next....

This is part of the problem. To be blunt, erection issues are a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you worry too much that this will happen, you'll be so stressed about it that it *will* happen! I agree with LobsterMitten. Take things slow, focus on her (even if you aren't sure what you're doing — we all had to learn somehow!) and most of all, relax and try to enjoy yourself.
posted by Brittanie at 7:17 PM on July 21, 2007

You know, being 30 and a virgin might mean that you have never been able to express EXACTLY what you want from someone you want to have sex with. Maybe you like dirty talk.... Whatever you like, use it and enjoy it and you'll keep your focus and fuck her brains out.

Being impotent at 30 is a symptom of something seriously wrong with your body, and the chances of it actually being physical impotence is probably very, very tiny. If you are out of shape; very, very fat; have high blood pressure; or are diabetic, then yes, you may have impotence. But I think, and I am not a doctor, that you have just never communicated with a woman in a way that will get you laid and your body physically responds because YOU ARE NOT TURNED ON SUFFICIENTLY.

Also, why not go out and be sober for a night. It helps loads.

Also, is there anything holding you back from telling your partner that you are a virgin and that you really, really are into the idea of having sex with her IF SHE COULD GET INTO YOUR INTERESTING THING THAT KEEPS YOU HARD AND READY FOR IT ALL NIGHT LONG. I would guess she would be in it to win it.

BOTTOM LINE:

1. Don't drink,

2. Talk more

3. Be frank

4. Enjoy foreplay

5. Talk more

6. Coitus

7. Climax

8. and repeat as needed until you both pass out.
posted by parmanparman at 7:18 PM on July 21, 2007

Also, don't marry the first woman you have sex with. Unless, of course, the week after you do it she joins the army. Then, you are obligated to marry that woman because you do not want her to go to Iraq.
posted by parmanparman at 7:21 PM on July 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

I know I've written about this before on AskMe, but first-night sex for me is deadly. Floppies not stiffies, come too fast, can't come, get the giggles, step on her glasses and then bang your knee into her ribs, you name it. And that is after having had sex enough to have thoroughly lost its novelty value.

So what you are describing sounds totally normal to me. The solution for me is to never have one-night stands. (Well, especially not now that I am in a long-term relationship, but well before that I had learned that they don't work for me.) Since I know that the first night isn't going to be all that great, and the second and third nights might not either, the goal is to find a woman who a) you are going to keep seeing for some time to come, and b) is totally cool and can laugh about it when things don't work the first few times. You want to be dating a woman whom you can talk to about this, and who is sexually confident enough to be creative and patient in getting things working.

Another possible benefit of this approach is that it might be possible to do things like STD testing and so on first, and then use something other than condoms for birth control. The advantage of that is that you don't need to be nearly as stiff to have sex without a condom as you do with, and so the first time might go a bit more easily that way. (You need to learn to use a condom at some point -- it's part of being a responsible man in our modern world -- but going without might help with this initial issue. Just be safe!)

Adding a prescription for Viagra or similar is probably a really smart idea, too -- at a minimum it will be a psychological crutch, and might solve things if you turn out to be having some plumbing issues as well.

But you can solve a lot of the tension just by taking things slow, over days or even weeks, rather than going from "hi nice shoes" to humping in fifteen minutes. (And, once you get to the point where it looks like naked snuggling might be happening within the week or so, stop jerking off -- you need to retrain your body to respond to another person rather than your hand, and that won't happen as long as you keep yanking it. Once the fucking is going well, you can return to your normally scheduled masturbation routine, but until then be ready to take a break if the girl is looking interested.)

I have really mixed feelings about the prostitute suggestions. That is something that has never turned me on, but I have had lots of friends who indeed lost their virginity with professionals, and it seemed to work well for them. Again, you want someone who is fairly cool and can work with you if there are some performance issues, not someone who gets angry and kicks you out after five minutes so she can go buy more meth. If you go that route, I think that the best approach would be to take a trip to a place like Nevada, Melbourne, etc, that has legal brothels, and to be upfront with them when you are scheduling your visit about your situation. (No matter what you describe, they will have seen weirder and worse.) And if you do this, spend the cash to buy an entire evening or night, rather than just an hour, so you can really take the performance pressure off yourself.
posted by Forktine at 8:05 PM on July 21, 2007

This twenty-something, non-virgin female says: don't worry about being a virgin. I understand why you're self-conscious about it, but it really isn't that big of a deal. A lot of girls would probably find it kind of endearing.

Also, nthing everyone who says to focus on her if you go limp or are feeling nervous. I think that when it becomes clear to you that she's enjoying herself, you'll find it much easier to relax.
posted by AV at 8:07 PM on July 21, 2007

Lots of good advice here. I personally disagree with the lady of the night option, but to each his own.

I would like to add that I think there are LOTS of women looking for someone just like you. Be proud about who you are and you will attract them. Six months from now you'll be posting here asking about how to keep up.
posted by milarepa at 8:08 PM on July 21, 2007

Watching various porn, if you haven't, might be a good idea to see what you're into, how it's done, etc. - amateur porn might be more realistic.
posted by book at 9:47 PM on July 21, 2007

As you said in your post your ideal will be someone cool and patient; someone you're comfortable with and you can find that. It might take some time, and perhaps but hopefully not that many more tries. Each one will be closer and closer to the right one if you really stay to true to the kind of person you really like and want to be with. While the ideas of practicing with professional ladies and viagra are both clever, I disagree because at the end of the day you won't feel good about it and of course variables/wild cards will arise. As AV mentioned alot of girls would find it endearing, so don't give in to despair, keep it sincere and true. If the two of you are really feeling each other, everything will work out and the momentum will carry you both where you need to be. Even if you weren't a virgin, it could go south if the feelings aren't right; so don't take it too personal. Good Luck and keep your heart open!
posted by asia at 9:59 PM on July 21, 2007

Egads. There's some bad advice in here. Regardless of moral judgments regarding prostitution, past prostitution experience, for better or for worse, will be a deal breaker with a significant percent of the female population. The last thing that someone in this position wants to do is lower their odds of being attractive to the opposite sex. Likewise, to my knowledge, Viagra is not prescribed for sexual anxiety. It's prescribed for physiological and not psychological problems and its not exactly the safest drug in the world. IANAD, ask your doctor.

Involuntary celibacy and the resulting sexual dysfunctions from anxiety? Been there, done that. You've had years and years to build up these expectations and anxieties and, if my experience is any example, no matter how much you psyche yourself up and tell yourself that you can handle it, there will be a flood of emotions (good, bad and indifferent) associated with sex at first. Food, drink and breathing are necessary life functions. Not having food is a big deal. Not having water is a big deal. Not having air is a big deal. Eating and drinking can be fabulous, mind blowing experiences, but on the whole it's pretty straight forward. Sex is like that. Sex is not a big deal. Lack of sex is a big deal.

The reason that that is important to you is because you need to keep everything in context. You're healthy, you're attractive (!), and you're acquiring these amazing new life experiences. It's easy to forget all of that because you're being distracted by this instinctual panic reaction to the lack of sex, but unlike food, water and air, the stakes aren't very high. You can relax and treat it as something very fun and very casual. Playing around with a woman should have no objective. Penetration is not the objective. Getting off is not the objective. Getting her off (is great!) but it's not the objective. Just being together with a woman is a victory and if you feel that, then she will see it too.

I was lucky in as that my first partner was in the context of a LTR and you're right that that will help a ton. Alcohol will probably not help. Honesty and trust building will help. Lots and lots of no-goal-implied playing around will help. Lots of experimentation with one partner will help (Best. Science. Experiment. Ever.) If you really think you need to go the pro route on this, consider seeking a sex therapist, since they will be much more professional and holistic about the experience and it's a much easier sell should you ever reveal your sexual past to a future partner.

Sensory overload was a big difficulty for me at first, so I landed on strategies that minimized that. Having her help you with masturbation while wrapping her legs around you from the back might be helpful. You can either guide her hands, or touch yourself with her hands on the outside or just touch yourself. If you're touching yourself, you can prearrange to tell her when to take over once you reach the point of no return.

Non-sexual naked time is nice, too, like showers or playing naked-time tag (don't trip) or naked-time yoga. Exploring each others' bodies (naughty bits, exploring with naughty bits, exploring without naughty bits, etc...) is a good exercise in being comfortable and not feeling vulnerable. Eventually one might graduate to mutual masturbation with her on top and ready to put you inside her when the time is close.

Maybe blindfolds at times would be a good experiment. On her, you don't have to worry about any self-image issues you might have. On you, it will help you focus on what it feels like to be touched, or you could focus on a fantasy visual because sometimes picturing what's happening or what could happen is more akin to what we do when we're by ourselves and it's less distracting.

I would also really strongly suggest masturbating on your own with a condom and varying your masturbation techniques. Getting untrained from years of masturbating by yourself is going to be half the battle.

I'd suggest seeing a psychologist in any event, because there's likely to be a lot of stirred up and unexpected feelings with these things. They might also determine if it's really anxiety affecting your sexual function and figure out the right drug (beta-blocker maybe?) that could get you over the hump. (Oh yeah, that's a bad pun that one.)

Best wishes. Congrats on your recent success with bringing home the ladies!
posted by Skwirl at 10:09 PM on July 21, 2007

Bottom line: don't worry about it. The more you fret over the situation, the more performance anxiety you will experience. YMMV, but I don't think a nameless one-night-stand is the optimal situation. Since you've experienced some performance issues already, maybe you need to establish an emotional/mental connection with a woman before you hit the sheets - not necessarily your soul mate, partner-for-life, but someone whom you'd consider dating for a while anyway. Someone you can open up to and talk to, someone who is your friend and will understand your "issues" and be willing to work through them with you. If at first you don't succeed, she'll be sympathetic and understanding and willing to experiment to find out what does work.
posted by Oriole Adams at 11:29 PM on July 21, 2007

I can appreciate that the people who give the 'Don't worry about it' and 'don't stress about it' advice mean well, but to me, it sounds like those people have little understanding of what the person is going through.

After all, any semi-intelligent person can probably understand the concept that stressing about something means it's going to affect your performance (that goes for anything, not just sex). Think of the last time you were in a truly stressful situation - did positive thinking make the problem go away? Of course not. Did trying to ignore the problem make it go away? Nup. You can seldom not stress about something simply by willing it away.

And as for finding the right person, someone who is understanding etc ... yes I agree with that to a point. But my guess is that if you found someone whom you thought was understanding, kind, generous etc ... then that is also someone whom you really really like ... which only increases the anxiety cos you don't want to embarrass yourself in front of them or make them think less of you.

The three 'solutions' that I think have the best chance of breaking past this mental impasse is:

1) the understanding girl (assuming you don't run into the problem I described above)

2) not jerking off for a while before sleeping with someone. If you are horny enough from pent up desire, then that will hopefully overcome any nervousness. And once you get the confidence that 'yes I can do it', then you will probably be okay.

3) Getting a hooker for the night (assuming that isn't against your morals). Despite what people have said previously against getting a hooker, I actually think this is probably going to be the most effective. No pressure to perform, you can keep trying, she can talk openly about the problem to her, she is experienced and can try different things. Consider it like taking lessons ... get past your mental block on sex and then you will be fine.
posted by tobtoh at 5:05 AM on July 22, 2007

What about finding a regular casual sex situation? I don't know if these really exist or if they're just craigslist dreams, but it sounds like you need a woman you can have regular sexy times with, but that you don't want a relationship with. You need repeated interaction with one person in order to relax enough to stay hard and enjoy yourself. Plus, if you know you'll be seeing her again in a week, or whatever, if you lose your erection it's not a big deal: You won't have the "OMG This is my one big chance and if I don't penetrate her now then it's all over forever!!!" feeling that's making you go limp.

And I agree with everyone who says this isn't a big deal. You'll get there, you just need to try to relax and not put so much pressure on yourself. If you're worried about pleasing your partner, I've heard good things about the book "She Comes First." And that might help take your mind off of your dick, which is the crux of the problem.
posted by chowflap at 8:54 AM on July 22, 2007

Advice from Dan Savage:

No one can fault a hard-up virgin for seeking professional help. My advice for you? Call up a few escorts, tell them the truth about your situation, and make an appointment with the first one who seems like a nice person. I've known plenty of whores in my time, and, without exception, each regarded the deflowering of male virgins as an almost sacred trust. Be clean, be respectful, wear a condom, and tip the lady.
posted by happyturtle at 9:27 AM on July 22, 2007

Well, as a woman I don't really know about the ins and outs of impotence but what I can tell you is that I would be infinitely more wierded out to know that the only woman a guy had been with was a prostitute, as opposed to staying a virgin and waiting for the right woman. Please think VERY carefully about the kinds of women you hope to be with, and how cool they'd be with the idea of you going there, before you fly off to the Bunny Ranch.

Also, skwirl had a lot of interesting ideas. He sounds like a fun guy.
posted by smallstatic at 10:25 AM on July 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

Despite all the suggestions about choosing a prostitute to be your first, we have yet to hear directly in the thread from anyone who actually did this. What's it like to have sex with a paid professional as your "first time" memory for the rest of your life? My "first time" memories are nice and sweet, full of fumbling and goofiness but not including any financial transactions. I wanted to enjoy it, not just get it over with. Since you, anon, haven't created your memory yet, you might want to hear more before you decide to pursue that idea. For better or for worse, it's one of the more permanent memories you'll have.

That being said, I actually don't think you're doing anything wrong. You're dating and you're pursuing sexual activity with people you like. There's no need to be ashamed or embarrassed about your virginity. It's not something most women would consider a problem. Just keep trying. It might be too much to expect a one-night stand to provide the degree of comfort you need, though. Take the pressure off yourself, pursue the girls you like, and it'll happen. As long as you're not making long, moony speeches about having 'saved yourself' for them, I think most decent females will handle this quite well.

I also agree with those who say that if you lose interest suddenly, you should just see it as an event that has freed you up to concentrate on her pleasure. There are not likely to be complaints about that. Remember that penetration isn't always the most appealing item on the menu for women, anyway. Be the kind of guy who takes as much enjoyment in helping your partner reach an orgasm as in reaching your own, and you'll very likely also be the kind of guy who has a lot of orgasms, eventually.
posted by Miko at 11:19 AM on July 22, 2007

follow-up from someone who would prefer to remain anonymous

I am not a doctor.

I had a similar problem, and Viagra solved it. Viagra won't make you
get turned on if you're not turned on, but once you get aroused, it
will ensure you keep your erection. Once I'd had successful sex a
couple of times using this crutch, I was able to do without it. Every
once in a while, I lose my nerve again, so I take a Viagra and solve
the problem. It's great to know that if needed, I can fall back on
this little magic pill.

Some stuff to know, besides the obvious stuff (you should research
side effects).

Viagra takes about half and hour to take effect, so if it looks like
the night may lead to getting lucky, pop one and then make sure the
make-out session at least lasts long enough for the pill to take
effect.

Most people can get by on half a dose. I cut all my pills in half and
keep one half-pill in my wallet. It's really easy, if the night is
going well, to pop it in my mouth and swallow it with whatever drink
is nearby. I'm not crazy about lying to lovers, but I've found that if
women know I'm taking the pill, they think I find them unattractive
and am using it to turn myself on. That's not true. That's not how the
pill works. But due to this, I tend to sneak the pill. If necessary, I
excuse myself and take it in the bathroom while the night is still
young. The effects last about four hours for me.

Take the expiration date (usually a year from purchase) very
seriously. They won't work if they're too old.

You may be embarrassed to ask a doctor for Viagra. I wanted to buy it
online, but I had no idea what site was reputable. Then I found this
site based on a recommendation,
and I've gotten five prescriptions from them. The real stuff every
time.

On that site, you fill out an online form about your health. A doctor
reviews it, and if he okays it, you get the pills in the mail.

They're costly. About $160 for ten pills (which I cut in half). But to
me, they're worth it for the security they provide me.
posted by jessamyn at 2:14 PM on July 22, 2007

Place an ad in your local free paper under Men Seeking Women. Be honest, but not rude. Explain the situation, and be clear that you're not looking for a prostitute (i.e. they should not expect monetary recompense). I bet you *lots* of women would truly enjoy the idea of casual, no-strings attached sex initiating a nice guy into the sexual world. Be open, be honest, look for someone fun and laid-back.
posted by tzikeh at 9:09 PM on July 23, 2007