Weed made my crazy!
May 15, 2007 3:36 PM Subscribe
I smoked marijuana as a 15 year old. Since then, I've had this very weird feeling as if I'm not really me. As if I'm not really here! It has been 10 years now.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (54 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
Before I smoked that joint, I had never been drunk, I had never smoked a cigarette. It was my first taste of a mind altering substance.
Before I smoked that joint, I always had a certain clarity about me. I can't explain it, but my mind was very clear compared to other people. I knew it since I was about 10, because I could always understand what other people meant even when nobody else understood it. It's difficult to explain, I just had a very clear mind as a child. I was also constantly in the first position in my class.
When I smoked that joint, it was the hugest shock I ever had in my life. I had never been high or drunk, and it was like I suddenly lost control of everything. I was in a huge panic, and I had to stay in bed for almost a day.
The next day, I felt like I was still partially high. A bit like the residue was still left over. I expected it to go, but it never went. It was like there was a cloud covering my mind. Like my thinking part was no longer connected to my sense of being in the world. Also difficult to explain. Let me try:
Before I smoked, when I tried to solve a math problem, I would actually think about the problem, consider the different possibilities, then come up with an answer. After I smoked the joint, it was more like I would send a command to my brain - hey, what's the answer to this math problem, and I'd get an answer. I'm still that way now.
In the next semester after that joint, my ranking in class dropped to 28 out of 33. It may not have been related, because I was thrust into a very stressful situation at the time. However, I was terribly worried that I had lost my intelligence because of the joint.
However, in the following semester, I recovered to the 5th position, and though I was a lot lazier than before, hardly every studying, I managed to stay in the top 4. So I do not think that there was any real effect on my intelligence.
The effect seems to be some sort of disconnect in my brain. It's a bit like I'm not really dealing with what is coming in through my eyes, but like it's passing through a sort of filter. It's like blurry vision. It's like the real world is not so important anymore, but the internal world in my head is more important.
I've entertained several theories about this over the years such as:
1. The shock of getting high for the first time traumatised my brain in a way that made it disconnect a bit from reality to protect itself
2. I was always like how I am now, but getting high allowed me see it from an outside perspective just once, so when I came back, I could no longer live in the reality like before
3. The weed physically damaged a small part of my brain, and I am the only one to realise it because most people who smoke weed are not aware that they are _clear_ before they smoke, are not young, and have never been drunk/high on anything else. It's a bit like the weed smokers who get slow, I am the only one who actually was able to feel the difference before and after smoking the joint.
I'm used to it, and I function quite well, I still learn fast, I have ideas and all but sometimes I miss that clarity I had back then.
Am I really the only one who has had this experience? What could be the cause?