Making sense of a bad drug experience
September 16, 2006 2:50 AM Subscribe
Please help me make sense of a terrible drug experience from my youth.
posted by zaebiz to Health & Fitness (42 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
In my early 20s I was given something that I did not realize at the time was a drug, let alone LSD. I had never had a drug experience before. It happened to be at a difficult and stressful time of my life living in a whole new city without friends. The first half hour or hour of the experience was fantastic - everything on television I found hysterically funny for no apparent reason. Eventually the faces on the TV started to take on weird, disturbing images and sounds and I felt I had to disappear into my bedroom. From there I went to Hell in my mind basically. I thought I was going insane from all these crazy perceptions and fear I was having. I was particularly concerned that the person with me who had also taken LSD would notice I was in a panicked state inside and this would cause him to panic and we would become hysterical or suicidal or something. I had all sorts of amazing visions and thoughts which stick with me even to this day (one in particular - I saw these very intricate and colorful crystalline patterns which I saw so clearly I could have drawn them yet I have no eye for art whatsoever). I started writing what I was thinking during the experience as it was the only way I felt I could maintain a grip on reality. I looked at myself in the mirror at some stage and was in complete shock at how terrible I looked. I had the face of someone who had just been in a major car crash. To cut an all-night story short where I managed to keep it all together, I came out the other side feeling like I had learnt things I was too young to learn about myself. I felt burnt out and lacking motivation - like I had lost my ego which was keeping me going through my new life. I've heard about similar feelings from young war veterans who witnessed atrocities.
I did recover my motivation eventually and never took anything like that again (and never will either), but the world never had quite the magical wonder and possibility about it ever again. Did I have a nervous breakdown? Years later I'm a normal, healthy individual with a fairly happy settled life now. I just wonder if anyone can help me understand what I went through back then - medically or philosophically.