Should I just give him the money?
May 7, 2007 1:18 PM Subscribe
My husband is financially irresponsible. Do I bail him out? (Sorry for the long post)
posted by triggerfinger to Human Relations (38 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
My husband is not good with money and I knew about this when I married him 3 years ago. On the plus side, he does pay all of his bills (much easier for him since I set up direct debits on his account), he just then spends the rest of what he has within days and then is left for the rest of the month trying to borrow money off of me or family members. For the most part, I will not loan him money anymore. I have tried to help him out by showing him budgeting, giving him an allowance etc. He has enough money to generally do what he wants if he were to make the slightest effort to stay within a set limit week by week, but he makes no effort whatsoever. I make more than him and if he were to even make the slightest effort I would be willing to help him out a bit, but as I see no effort, I don't want to give him any more money to throw away.
Here is my question. His daughter turns eighteen this week. Her mother still gets on very well with my husband and I am on friendly terms with her as well. Anyway, she is throwing a big bash next Saturday and mentioned a couple of months ago to my husband that if he wanted to contribute, he could though she would leave the choice up to him. Obviously, as he is active in his daughter's life I think he should contribute and he said that he would. I know the mother is spending quite a bit on renting a place, a buffet etc. However, my husband frequently promises that he will give people money for whatever and then doesn't save any (he cannot grasp the concept of going without to save money) and so he therefore cannot then give people money they have come to expect. He is very well-liked and easygoing so he seems to get away with this behavior.
This has happened in the past before and I feel like I am in a difficult situation as although people know this is what he is like and have almost come to expect it from him, they also know that I make more than him and could probably pay for it. I kind of think that when he promises money to his ex/daughter and then doesn't follow through that they are thinking that I should cough it up as they know I can. But like I said before, as he makes no effort to control his spending, I am unwilling to bail him out. If he made even the slightest effort, I would be more than happy to help.
As it turns out, he owes me some money this week, which I have already written into my budget. It also happens to be the same amount that he said he would give to his ex. Should I let him give the money to his ex for the party instead? I should mention that I am not wealthy so it's not as though I wouldn't miss the money as it is a fairly significant amount to me but I also don't want to feel like the bad guy. Am I being selfish? If he doesn't give any money to his ex (she is not expecting it at this point) I feel as though their whole family would secretly think I should have done so.
I should mention that he pays a good amount of child support every month and always has. He also will give spending money to his daughter if she catches him at the right time of the month. His intentions are very good - he would give any of us all that he has if he happens to have it in his possesion at the time. We also got her a very nice laptop for her birthday, though this makes no difference to my question.
Please help me decide what would be the right thing to do in this scenario, bail him out or stick to my guns?