Dirty Words During Sex.
April 4, 2007 4:52 PM Subscribe
I've been in a committed, loving relationship for over two years now. And the sex is great. But the other day my girlfriend asked me to call her some very nasty names during sex. I did, and now I feel awful about it. She says she likes it though. Should I feel bad?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (58 answers total) 33 users marked this as a favorite
I love my girlfriend (soon to be wife) with all my heart. And during the two years we've been together I've been conscious to make sure she's been treated with the utmost respect. She deserves nothing less. But the other night, during sex, she asked me to call her a whore. It wasn't the first time she asked me to, either. In the past, I've declined, telling her it's not right for me to call her that. But for some reason, in the heat of that particular moment, I did.
But far from recoiling in horror, she loved it, and asked me to call her other things, such as "slut", "bitch" and so on. I did and she loved it even more. She was very, very excited. When it was all over she was extremely satisfied. And yeah, I felt good too. But also, I felt terrible.
I don't like calling her those things. She's none of those things. She's my soon-to-be wife and if she deserves to be called anything, it is something like 'princess'. So I feel really, really bad that I called her by those awful names. I have told her this. She said not to feel bad, because it excited her and she loved it.
The worst thing is, as much as I hated the fact that I did it, I sort of found it pretty hot too...
We talked it over and she says she knows I don't mean those things, and were I to say things like that to her outside of sex, she would hate me for it. But she thinks during the act, it's fine, fun and exciting. It makes some sense, but I can't reconcile my respect for her with what is such an otherwise ugly thing to say.
So my questions are as follows...
1. Should I be feeling as bad as I do?
2. Is this sort of thing 'normal' in the wider world? By that I mean, is it an 'accepted' thing to call your partner such names during sex if he or she likes it?
3) Should I keep doing it, or is it harmful to a relationship in the long run?