Marriage compatibility

September 4, 2006 11:05 AM

I recall reading (online maybe) an article that discussed something like the top 8 things that a couple needs to be in agreement upon for the greatest chance of a successful marriage. Money was obviously one of them, but I'd like to see the whole list again. Ring any bells?
posted by sharksandwich to human relations (11 comments total)

This is what immediately came to mind when I saw the question. "8 Fights Every Engaged Couple Should Have".
posted by MeetMegan at 11:42 AM on September 4, 2006 [4 favorites]

My SO and I have had all those discussions and we're not ready to get married. Yikes!
posted by k8t at 11:52 AM on September 4, 2006

Maybe it came from Oprah's pal, Dr. Robin Smith? I saw her hawking her book, Lies at the Altar, and there were pre-marriage questions galore ...
posted by thinkpiece at 12:37 PM on September 4, 2006

Hmn, Megan, I think I've had *those* discussions with every girl I've ever dated. If someone hasn't, I think they might need to look at how close their relationship is before they even look at getting married!
posted by SpecialK at 1:06 PM on September 4, 2006

SpecialK, I think that's exactly the point.
posted by MeetMegan at 1:23 PM on September 4, 2006

Could you be thinking of John Gottman's work? He videotaped married couples' arguments and analyzed them for compatibility according to the ways they argued.
posted by cgc373 at 1:38 PM on September 4, 2006

I thought it was something like "The Seven Arguments of Marriage," although I'm getting no hits for it. I can recall children, religion, money/finance, sex, power, chores/work ...
posted by adipocere at 1:55 PM on September 4, 2006

I think if you can agree on religion, politics, money and sex you're off to a pretty good start. Career, i.e. how important is your career and the resulting lifestyle, and kids would bring you up to six. I guess seven is over the top or underneath. I prefer my toilet paper over the top, even though I grew up in a house where it came out the bottom.
posted by JamesMessick at 6:42 PM on September 4, 2006

It's not 8 things, but I think this is along the lines of what you are looking for.
The 10 Most Important Questions
posted by LoriFLA at 8:17 PM on September 4, 2006 [1 favorite]

1. What are the rules for bug disposal (e.g., if we are naked the bug dies, otherwise it's trap and release with exception for bug kamakazis)?
2. Can you compromise between conflicting impulses toward thrift and neuroticism in choosing a brand of toilet paper?
3. Is poking and/or tickling one another allowed, and if so under what circumstances?

Once we had these down, we were well on our way to being able to tackle big issues, like correct apportionment of thank you note duties.
posted by onlyconnect at 9:14 PM on September 4, 2006 [2 favorites]

Could you be thinking of John Gottman's work?

He's very interesting, but IMO about how to argue, not what to argue about.
posted by Rash at 9:19 AM on September 5, 2006