You're my favorite person... too bad you're a little nutso
July 28, 2011 11:24 AM Subscribe
How often is it amazing?
posted by queens86 to Human Relations (40 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
This question sort of has two parts, both in general and about my specific situation.
I dated a guy four years ago, and the relationship was completely tumultuous and insecure. He was my first serious boyfriend and we started off very shaky—I wasn’t completely honest or faithful at the beginning for a bit, and he was extremely and violently jealous after that. He never hit me or threatened to do so, but I couldn’t speak to another man without getting yelled at for an hour or so after. He threatened to leave me a lot, screamed at and intimidated me, and asked for things like my Facebook password to prove my fidelity (I was totally faithful after we got together in real life—we started off long distance).
I broke it off with him after dating for a year and a couple months, and I had a very hard time getting over it. It wasn’t that I missed him, but I felt like a horrible person and my confidence was devestated. We were very young—I was 19 and he was 21 when we got together. Just in this last year (I’m 24) have I felt that I really moved past it and started to feel good about myself again. He has always called me a couple times a year, I talk to him once, and then stop answering his calls.
He doesn’t live in the country, and he has a serious girlfriend where he lives. He came to visit the U.S., and called me when he got here. He took a 2 ½ hour plane flight to come visit me, and I was very hesitant and nervous at first—I wasn’t even sure I wanted to see him at all. I ended up doing it, and we spent about 48 straight hours together.
I really didn’t expect this to happen, but while spending time with him, I realized why I had been so in love with him. I have never had so much fun with anyone in my life. EVERYTHING we do together is fun, we just run around laughing and acting like little kids together in a way I very rarely do with anyone else. I can totally let my guard down around him—I don’t try and hide any emotions. I get irritated with him, but I don’t have to cover it up. I can cry in front of him; I just don’t have to hide anything I feel the way I do with most people. I have never in my life met a man I click with like I do with him. Everyone who sees us together comments on it.
We get along on every level. He’s smart, and we can have serious conversations as well as have fun together. We’re both energetic, curious, emotional, cuddly, touchy people, and our personalities match up amazingly.
So, my question is this. This guy has a serious girlfriend (who he said he is having problems with, and I know he has feelings for me still) where he lives. He lives in another country. We have a terrible history and this relationship really hurt me. He did apologize A LOT and he seemed to recognize how he acted, which he never did before. He seems to have matured, but the idea of going back is terrifying. At the same time, now that he’s been gone for a day, I miss him a lot. Nothing sexual happened while he was here, but we did cross a line—we slept in the same bed together. We didn’t kiss or anything but I still feel really bad and like we should not have done that, I know his girlfriend would be so upset and he is being somewhat dishonest. I just don’t think he’s a healthy person for me to be with, and I spent a long long time moving past our relationship.
First, how often does this happen? How often have you met someone who you clicked with like that and just loved being around all the time? Is this once-in-a-lifetime? It hasn’t happened to me since but I’d like to think that somewhere out there is someone I get along with like this, but who is more stable.
Second, what do I do now with this guy? I opened a door that scares me. Before we just talked once a year or less, and I didn’t miss him. I just thought he was crazy. Now I miss him, and I have been calling him, but I feel like I should just stop talking to him because it’s going to make me miss him more and we can’t and should not be together. I’d like to think I am slightly more mature and can make better decisions than when I was 19, but right now I feel like I am making bad decisions, cuddling with him was a bad decision and keeping in close contact is a bad decision. It’s not good for anyone involved—him, me, and his girlfriend. I know what we did was wrong. What do I tell him—being with you awoke some old feelings and the situation isn’t right? Let’s go back to talking once a year?
When we were broken up I could easily think that I only dated him because I was a stupid naive 19 year old who fell for his charms. Now that I saw him again in real life I have to face the fact that I dated him for a reason—we get along like no one else in my life.
Sorry for the novel. I know it’s too much drama. Thanks hivemind!