Can an intellectual and a simpler, down-to-earth type stay in love?
April 25, 2012 7:31 AM Subscribe
MeFites! Can a relationship work between a hyper-intellectual and a simpler, more down-to-earth type? (special snowflake details inside..)
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (69 answers total) 40 users marked this as a favorite
I'm brainy and I like it! If you knew where I worked, you'd think, "yup, she's pretty smart." Most of my friends are writers, academics or journalists. For most of my life, friends thought I would end up with a much older man, maybe a PhD or academic, someone who could appreciate my brainy side.
My most significant relationship lasted four years with a brilliant, charming man. A writer, who, during the good times, was whip-smart and kept me intellectually challenged. We taught each other new words, I edited his books, he helped me with my thesis, we shared our thousands of books, and frequently discussed literature and ideas and the world. We spent time with famous intellectuals at glittering parties. He told his friends I was the smartest woman in the city. Those were the good times —— He was also verbally abusive and a serious alcoholic. He was not supportive of my career success, which was eclipsing his. He took a lot of my time, energy, money and generosity. He cheated on me and walked out very suddenly two years ago. We have not spoken since. Since that mess ended, I spent a lot of time working on myself, getting myself healthy and together. I dated around a little, but focused on work and exercise and friends and my own feelings and life goals.
This year, I felt ready to really approach dating more seriously again. I decided that "smart" was less important than "kind" and started scanning the world for radically different kinds of people. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the universe has thrown me a curveball. A kind, strong, generous, sensitive, masculine, solid, amazing, sexy curveball.
Four months ago I met a man who is honest, trustworthy, considerate, open with his emotions, caring, tender, and we connect very deeply on an emotional and physical level. We have amazing time together. So much fun. I feel radiantly calm with him at all times. I can be silly and open and free with him. And we're having the best sex of our lives. While he's not stupid at all (he's both insightful and streetsmart) he doesn't really read books or know much about them. So I worry. Can a super-brainy girl have a lasting relationship with a salt-of-the-earth guy who likes Kung Fu movies and goofy frat humor? Will I get bored and eventually bail for a less-worthy man who can talk about the oeuvre of Edmund Wilson? Who speaks Latin? Who can walk me through a museum and teach me something I don't already know?
How important is intellectual compatibility in a relationship where everything else is crazygood?