San Francisco - friend with new baby - help!

July 13, 2006 9:51 AM

Help for a friend who has just had a c-section in San Francisco

We are in Japan but a few friends and I would like to help out our friend who has just had a pretty tough c-section. She's a very alternative llifestyle person so we were thinking of some kind of service we could pay for from here (Japan) to help her - either a diaper, grocery delivery or home help kind of deal.

We are looking for a service that will help a new family and which can accept payment from overseas.

Any suggestions?

posted by gomichild to Health & Fitness (11 answers total)

Wire money ?
posted by elpapacito at 9:57 AM on July 13, 2006

if by alternative lifestyle you mean she alone has care of the baby, i would say hire her a nanny, helper, or or other assistant for as many hours a day as possible for as long as you are willing to afford. c-section moms can't do much on their own for the first couple of weeks. walking, even sitting up is difficult.
posted by poppo at 10:10 AM on July 13, 2006

If it will help you decide: she won't be allowed to lift anything heavy, or climb stairs more than necessary (my doctor told me not to at all, but when she found out I have to use stairs to go in and out of the apartment she told me no more than once a day). The only thing that is very painful is changing positions from lying to sitting or from sitting to standing, but it's pretty exhausting to do any kind of work that involves standing for very long. So, if she has no one to help her with day to day necessities, I'm with poppo. If she does, the grocery delivery sounds great to avoid lifting, or restaurant delivery would be even better because it saves her from cooking too.
posted by leapingsheep at 10:31 AM on July 13, 2006

Best answer: I had a C-section some time ago. My doctor told me to do whatever was comfortable, except for really heavy lifting. But recovering from surgery and caring for an infant is very tiring. Send takeout food daily from different restaurants - should be easy to find online. Hire a weekly cleaner, find services online, esp. craigslist.com. Have groceries delivered. See if nursing is going okay, and offer the services of a lactation consultant if useful.

When you call, email and send gifts, remember that the new parents may be exhausted, and while they love to hear from you, may be too tired to respond promptly. I think new parents should get a waiver on thank you notes.

Many of the people who "help" with a new baby want to play with the baby, leaving the new parents to deal with food prep, dishes, laundry, etc. Help with the non-baby stuff is often quite welcome.
posted by theora55 at 11:32 AM on July 13, 2006

Best answer: Maybe paying for a postpartum doula? They'll help with newborn care as well as laundry, some cooking, light housework, etc. Sources for finding one include DONA International and CAPPA, as well as this article specific to San Fransisco.
posted by justonegirl at 12:08 PM on July 13, 2006

I second the weekly cleaning service. Many women aren't really all that able to bend and scrub for awhile after the c-section. Someone to make sure the corners really are mopped, and the bathtub is spotless (or whatever her particular twitch is) allows the woman to relax instead of having that persistent "I should really try to scrub that, it doesn't look good.." type of thing going on in her head.

I'd be interested in knowing what type of alternative lifestyle you're referring to, since that may make a big difference as to what kind of help would be most appreciated. (i.e. if she's doing the cloth diaper thing, a diaper service would indeed be handy, but if she's doing disposables, not so much.)
posted by Meep! Eek! at 1:56 PM on July 13, 2006

Best answer: I've had two C-sections. I second food delivery or a cleaning service.

You could always send a nice letter or a bouquet of flowers with a Molly Maids voucher, or a gift card to a grocery store that delivers. I don't know about your friend, but I would consider that to be the most wonderful and thoughtful gift.
posted by LoriFLA at 6:36 PM on July 13, 2006

justonegirl, just saw your recommendation for a postpartum doula. I think that is a wonderful idea!
posted by LoriFLA at 6:38 PM on July 13, 2006

are the baby's initials TRY? :)

email me if i can help you do something. ffrvscnt at gmail.
posted by judith at 9:05 PM on July 13, 2006 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Wow thanks for all of your great suggestions. This has given us a lot to think about.
posted by gomichild at 9:15 PM on July 13, 2006

I'd be careful about hiring a 'helper' - your friend may feel more stress with someone else around. Groceries, prepared food, supportive calls/mail would be sure things. It's worth keeping in mind that patients often recover easier and faster after a C-section than after a difficult V-birth, esp. if an episiotomy or tear was involved. The first few days can be terribly painful, but it can get better quickly. Of course, I base this on my wife's two C-sections and not any personal experience.
posted by docpops at 3:03 PM on July 16, 2006