I "try too hard" when it comes to social interaction. How can I stop this?
June 8, 2006 8:20 AM Subscribe
How can I "stop trying to impress" and just be myself?
posted by Rowgun to human relations (25 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
Somewhere in high school, I lost alot of self confidence and self worth. I'd be a follower, never stating my opinion, never saying "no", never putting myself out there. I figured the best way to make friends would be to be shy and timid, say a few things to impress them, and then slowly reveal my personality when it was appropriate.
Now that I'm recently out of college and in the workforce, I'm finding it difficult to interact with people. I have a few good friends from college, but some have moved away, and I'm looking to find more. The trouble is figuring out how to turn acquaintences into something more. Turning the small talk into something deeper.
Whenever I talk, I always try to impress. I try to think of things that would interest them, or things/experiences that would make them say, "wow, what a cool person". The thing is, people definitely see right through that.
I've seen a couple of friends who people just seem to gravitate towards. People just want to be around them. I've asked them what their secret is, and their response is usually "I stopped caring about how I present myself", or "I just stopped trying".
Despite all my efforts, I can't seem to "stop trying". I fall back into the easy way of being shy and timid, and generally forgettable. I've read through Dale Carnegie's How to make friends, and will definitely reread, but I'm looking for some tips or concrete suggestions.
How do I "stop trying so hard"?