How to get over not being attracted to your spouse?
May 25, 2006 12:03 PM Subscribe
What can I do If I'm not physically attracted to my spouse?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (41 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I'm having tremendous guilt/worries about this. Here's the lowdown: We've been married 4 years, together 5; in our mid 30's; Have a great relationship as far as communication & goals go; & there is love & respect between us. The problem is that I am just not one bit attracted to him & it's becoming a problem because our sex life is just nonexistant.
We have gone to 2 counsleors, and that didn't help much. They were mostly focused on the communitation between us, which has always been good. Also, their suggestions were for things like "date night" and bubble baths and all that - which is all very nice, but the underlying problem is still there. When the counselor asked us what our problems were, I couldn't tell the truth - out of fear that it would just crush my spouse - I mean, how do you say to someone "we don't have sex, because I am not attracted to you at all, in fact you turn my off a little" ??
I'm not really sure I've ever been extremely attracted to him from the start, but the love was there, so I thought we'd be fine. He's attractive, and very, very nice, and our life is going great, except for the fact that we're more like roommates than lovers.
I'm healthy - I've seen my doctor, had blood work done, so I'm sure it's not a physical condition. My libido is as high as ever, so that makes it even more frustrating. We've read several books, including "the sex-starved marriage" and that really didn't address our problem - which is really MY problem, that I just can't bear to express to my husband.
So, am I doomed to remain in a passion-less marriage, or is there something I can do? And believe me, I'm doing my best to see his shining quailites & keep things new in our relationship. My mind is in the right spot, I'm committed, but I just can't get over this issue.