Does it really happen nowadays that single men fall for a woman and they go after her regardless of her baggage (divorced with kids?)?
March 2, 2010 1:36 AM Subscribe
I feel like I will never have the type of a guy I desire because who wants a divorced woman with two kids?
posted by lona_here to human relations (47 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Ok, guys, it's a long story. But I will appreciate all the opinions. I have about 10 minutes to type it so I hope there are not too many mistakes there.
My husband and I work at the same place. Before I joined the company he worked in the department that I am working in now. Just before I got the job he resigned from his position and joined a different section of the company.
When I started this job we were still together but already on the rocks in our relationship but he introduced me as his wife, we have two children. We are both attractive people and my husband is very well regarded by all the people at work. I am much younger (we have 16 years gap) and I could see that people were amazed that I was as young and as good looking, well based on the comments and glances and compliments.
So about 4 months ago my husband and I separated to be divorced, it is mutual and we straight away started telling family & friends but not people at work as we decided to take it slow and get used to the idea of us being apart, etc.
Then I noticed this guy at work, he was always polite saying Hi and calling me by name even though we never spoke, eye contact but no conversations, he is really quiet and kind of a loner. He got my attention and I started to like him. We would say hi to each other and I was drawn to him, wanted to
So I felt that we should start telling everyone at work about our separation as I was sick and tired of the situation where everyone assumed we were happilly married but in fact our marriage was over. So I spoke to my soon to be ex-husband and we decided that there was no need to keep it a secret and slowly started telling people at work.
At the same time I was falling for this guy really badly. But since we work in a really big place and very often we have different breaks and there are always other people around all of whom know my husband it was almost impossible to have "one on one"conversation. Once we flirted and it was obvious there was chemistry there. After that we still looked at each other but there was a little tension on his part but I felt he liked me he was just more aware of the attration, but I could be wrong of course. He knew then that I was married.
Once we happened to be sitting close together with no other people around and I started casual conversation with him, he responded well and then I said that he probably knows my ex-husband he said yes he knew him and then is eyes got wide and he asked me three times whether he heard me correctly about the "EX" part, then he said he did not know that we were no longer together and pointed out that I still used my married name, I said I was not going to change it as my maiden name was really long. We talked more about other things and had more smiles and eye contact after that. Of course I
started that conversation to let him know I was separated and available. I think I did a good job as it came out naturally.
It was more than a month ago and since then we had somewhat conflicting schedules and saw each other only in passing and when I did see him I did not get the usual vibe from him, or maybe I was just waiting for him to ask me out and now I am feeling disappointed overanalyzing the situation. I have no idea I just cannot get him out of my head. It seems he kind of shut down and if we have breaks together he sits in his corner rather than in the area where we could interact, I just took it at the face value because it seems he is avoiding me, but at the same time I can see he still looks and responds if we happen to talk. We are attracted to each other, I know it and I feel it.
Then it hit me, the reality of the situation:
We work together,
I have baggage (soon to be divorced and 2 kids),
AND my EX is in the same workplace !!! WOW !!!
He is a good looking, single guy... he likes surfing, etc WHY on earth would he want to go out of his way to pursue me? He personally knows my ex and he probably regards him well as many other co-workers do, I have kids, the break up is recent.
He might find me REALLY attractive and have a naughty fantasy here and there BUT he would never ever consider making the move, ESPECIALLY if he does like me; we will end up in bed and then what??? Will he want us to come out as a couple & get the remarks from his mates at work? Does he want to know and consider my children and have my EX in the picture as there will be kids drop-offs and pick-ups and then run into my EX on his breaks at work where the three of us could be sitting at the same time???
Guys am right?
Is it possible for a man to have strong feelings towards a woman but NEVER do anything about it because of her baggage?
I am taking it really hard because he represents something I cannot have but really want to experience. I met my husband I was 18 and there were never "butterflies" in my stomach, I guess I was in love with the love and at 20 I fell pregnant unplanned and did not know what to do, the second child was unpanned as well because I was switching contraceptive. My husband is a good father & partner, but he cheated on me twice and both time it took hima ages to break it off, but I must take responsibility as I was never 100% into our marriage. We kind of fell into each other rather than for each other. I decided to separate and he agreed.
I feel like I made the wrong choices regarding my personal life (getting married & having kids unplanned), I love my kids to death but I feel somewhat burdened and drained.
I live the life I did not want, I feel like I will never have the type of a guy I desire because who wants a divorced woman with two kids? I feel so jelious when I see single good looking young women, they are free and single men have a lot of choice.
But then I do not want to let go off this guy and think what if he falls for me, what if he avoids me because he is developing stronger feelings for me?
Does it really happen nowadays that men fall for a woman and they go after her regardless of her baggage???
Just clinging to hope because this guy is what I want but probably will never have. It is hard to accept and make peace with my reality.