Pretend you're a six year old. What is tomorrow?
July 22, 2024 4:49 PM Subscribe
Every day my daughter (six) asks me when tomorrow is. Every day I say "after we sleep". There is some premise underlying how 'tomorrow' works that she has wrong. What is it?
Ok, I know this is a bit of a silly question but I'm looking for some brainstorming and idea generation here from smart people who can imagine all the ways a small human can misunderstand things.
Conversation I literally just had with her:
Me: Yay, Bobby is coming tomorrow.
Her: When is tomorrow?
Me: After we sleep.
Her: After we sleep today?
Me: Yes, after we sleep today.
QA
Why do you answer 'after we sleep' - that's a weird way to say it? Once time we were trying to explain when we wake up in the morning it's tomorrow and she asked "After we sleep?". So they are her words and that's why we use them.
How long has she done this? Always.
You don't get irritated with her about it, do you? Never.
Does she have other language issues? Yes, we are seeing the speech therapist weekly but it's early days.
What other issues? See this question from 1.5 years ago. Same stuff.
Was her hearing checked? Yes.
Are you thinking it's autism? Yup. AUdhd. That will take time to sort out because her traits are not super obvious to outsiders or 'you can't possibly be autistic' naysayers. But amazingly her kindergarten teacher clocked her much my relief.
Why are you asking this question? I guess since we repeat this conversation every day, I wonder every day what she's thinking and I'm really curious about it. I bet there are people here who maybe remember being confused about what certain words mean. I bet they can make some pretty good guesses about it. Or, maybe there are language experts here who know about kids specifically having trouble with the concept of tomorrow. That would be cool. I can keep doing this forever without getting frustrated, but honestly if she doesn't understand that 'tomorrow' is a fixed rule that never changes, then what else is she missing? I'm her mom, I want to help her through the world. Plus she's anxious at school - once she figures out that everyone else understands something she doesn't, or god forbid, laughs at her - well, I really don't want that for her.
Honestly I relate to being a kid and being unsure about any rule, especially when it came to math, being a fixed rule/a constant. It made the world very confusing and so it caused me a lot of anxiety and fear and maybe even shame as a kid, although it's very hard to remember. So maybe it's just that simple. But please help me with this brainstorming and tell me if you can relate to that.
Ok, I know this is a bit of a silly question but I'm looking for some brainstorming and idea generation here from smart people who can imagine all the ways a small human can misunderstand things.
Conversation I literally just had with her:
Me: Yay, Bobby is coming tomorrow.
Her: When is tomorrow?
Me: After we sleep.
Her: After we sleep today?
Me: Yes, after we sleep today.
QA
Why do you answer 'after we sleep' - that's a weird way to say it? Once time we were trying to explain when we wake up in the morning it's tomorrow and she asked "After we sleep?". So they are her words and that's why we use them.
How long has she done this? Always.
You don't get irritated with her about it, do you? Never.
Does she have other language issues? Yes, we are seeing the speech therapist weekly but it's early days.
What other issues? See this question from 1.5 years ago. Same stuff.
Was her hearing checked? Yes.
Are you thinking it's autism? Yup. AUdhd. That will take time to sort out because her traits are not super obvious to outsiders or 'you can't possibly be autistic' naysayers. But amazingly her kindergarten teacher clocked her much my relief.
Why are you asking this question? I guess since we repeat this conversation every day, I wonder every day what she's thinking and I'm really curious about it. I bet there are people here who maybe remember being confused about what certain words mean. I bet they can make some pretty good guesses about it. Or, maybe there are language experts here who know about kids specifically having trouble with the concept of tomorrow. That would be cool. I can keep doing this forever without getting frustrated, but honestly if she doesn't understand that 'tomorrow' is a fixed rule that never changes, then what else is she missing? I'm her mom, I want to help her through the world. Plus she's anxious at school - once she figures out that everyone else understands something she doesn't, or god forbid, laughs at her - well, I really don't want that for her.
Honestly I relate to being a kid and being unsure about any rule, especially when it came to math, being a fixed rule/a constant. It made the world very confusing and so it caused me a lot of anxiety and fear and maybe even shame as a kid, although it's very hard to remember. So maybe it's just that simple. But please help me with this brainstorming and tell me if you can relate to that.
Have you ever explained that once tomorrow is here, it becomes today? Or that "tomorrow never comes", as I recall being told often? I'm not sure when a child is developmentally able to understand a "concept", especially in a construct such as "time", though. Perhaps a person more well versed in childhood psychological development could answer that. I do recall, however, being around 9 years old and telling my Dad that someone had called for him (it was important, but I was oblivious to that - just happy that I remembered to tell him)... and he asked me quite pointedly "How long ago was that?" I couldn't say. He started questioning "Was it 10 minutes ago? An hour ago?" - I could sense his stress, but I honestly couldn't even judge how long ago it was. All I could say was that it was "A while ago".
posted by itsflyable at 5:03 PM on July 22 [4 favorites]
posted by itsflyable at 5:03 PM on July 22 [4 favorites]
Best answer: For my autistic students, visuals really help. Can you get a fun calendar and show her that each day has a tomorrow that starts at midnight? It might take awhile to get the hang of it but it would probably clear up some confusion for her.
posted by corey flood at 5:04 PM on July 22 [20 favorites]
posted by corey flood at 5:04 PM on July 22 [20 favorites]
Best answer: I don’t know whether she’s addressed this, but if you’re on Facebook, I recommend following The Occuplaytional Therapist (adding “play” Is not a misspelling). Her name is Kelcie Olds and until like last week she was an OT at a primary school on an Air Force base where she worked with a lot of neuro-spicy kids that needed some time and space to unfold their minds into the world.
I think she takes questions and I believe you’d get a thoughtful and useful answer
posted by toodleydoodley at 5:09 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
I think she takes questions and I believe you’d get a thoughtful and useful answer
posted by toodleydoodley at 5:09 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
A staple of my kindergarten class that I very clearly remember was that in addition to line leader, etc, three of us also got assigned to be captains for "yesterday" "today" and "tomorrow." These kids would pick the big laminated velcro signs that said those words and place them on top of the corresponding dates on the very large calendar. We did this EVERY day because these concepts are hard for small children and repetition is crucial. So I agree with corey flood to pursue visuals.
posted by phunniemee at 5:09 PM on July 22 [16 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 5:09 PM on July 22 [16 favorites]
Best answer: “Tomorrow” isn’t a fixed rule though. At her age, it kind of is, and using her words (“after we sleep”) to describe it is just fine.
But, “tomorrow” starts when? If I send an email at 11pm (I am in Pacific time now) but I am sending it to my colleague in Paris, I can’t say “let’s meet tomorrow”, because whose tomorrow are we talking about? And if I send an email at 2am to someone else in my time zone, same deal: even though the clock turns at midnight, I’d definitely say it’s not “tomorrow” until I personally have gone to bed. In college I remember having arguments when doing all-nighters about when exactly “tomorrow” should start.
So, nuance isn’t wrong there, just a bit ahead of what she likely cares about. But who knows? Learning about time and time zones and daylight saving and how rough notions like “tomorrow” do or don’t map to precise notions like “12:01 am” could be fun.
I don’t have kids, I don’t know anything about child psychology, but I was a kid who got sent to a psychologist because ? (In the 80s, female, never got diagnosed with anything that i was told about anyhow). I would have wanted to know more about the rule, especially since it isn’t simple.
posted by nat at 5:09 PM on July 22 [4 favorites]
But, “tomorrow” starts when? If I send an email at 11pm (I am in Pacific time now) but I am sending it to my colleague in Paris, I can’t say “let’s meet tomorrow”, because whose tomorrow are we talking about? And if I send an email at 2am to someone else in my time zone, same deal: even though the clock turns at midnight, I’d definitely say it’s not “tomorrow” until I personally have gone to bed. In college I remember having arguments when doing all-nighters about when exactly “tomorrow” should start.
So, nuance isn’t wrong there, just a bit ahead of what she likely cares about. But who knows? Learning about time and time zones and daylight saving and how rough notions like “tomorrow” do or don’t map to precise notions like “12:01 am” could be fun.
I don’t have kids, I don’t know anything about child psychology, but I was a kid who got sent to a psychologist because ? (In the 80s, female, never got diagnosed with anything that i was told about anyhow). I would have wanted to know more about the rule, especially since it isn’t simple.
posted by nat at 5:09 PM on July 22 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Tomorrow is kind of a messed up concept, if you think about it. The fact that you emphasized the word 'today' makes me think that she's exploring the strangeness that she wakes up and Bobby is coming today, not tomorrow. When does tomorrow all of a sudden mean today?
Have you tried using actual days (Bobby is coming Tuesday)? Does that change anything?
posted by true at 5:11 PM on July 22 [11 favorites]
Have you tried using actual days (Bobby is coming Tuesday)? Does that change anything?
posted by true at 5:11 PM on July 22 [11 favorites]
I think I'd show her a calendar and let her know every day has a number assigned, and every number (day) has 24 hours.
And let her know that even though "Officially" tomorrow is tomorrow at 12:00 am, we say "tomorrow" when we mean sometime during that next day.
posted by ReluctantViking at 5:11 PM on July 22 [1 favorite]
And let her know that even though "Officially" tomorrow is tomorrow at 12:00 am, we say "tomorrow" when we mean sometime during that next day.
posted by ReluctantViking at 5:11 PM on July 22 [1 favorite]
Best answer: You could try telling her that Tomorrow is like a baby Today.
Every day, after you sleep, a new Tomorrow is born.
Tomorrows grow up overnight while you’re asleep, and when a Tomorrow grows up it’s called Today, just like when a kitten grows up it’s called a cat.
(You did ask us to pretend we’re 6, that’s the best my emergency backup 6 year old me can do!)
posted by invincible summer at 5:16 PM on July 22 [23 favorites]
Every day, after you sleep, a new Tomorrow is born.
Tomorrows grow up overnight while you’re asleep, and when a Tomorrow grows up it’s called Today, just like when a kitten grows up it’s called a cat.
(You did ask us to pretend we’re 6, that’s the best my emergency backup 6 year old me can do!)
posted by invincible summer at 5:16 PM on July 22 [23 favorites]
Your answer is good!
Some other ways might be, well, tomorrow starts at midnight. But we'll be asleep, so we'll only know it's tomorrow when we wake up.
Or, it's tomorrow when the Earth is going around the sun again.
There are so many fun answers, as you can see from this thread.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 5:19 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
Some other ways might be, well, tomorrow starts at midnight. But we'll be asleep, so we'll only know it's tomorrow when we wake up.
Or, it's tomorrow when the Earth is going around the sun again.
There are so many fun answers, as you can see from this thread.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 5:19 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
Chiming in to get a wall calendar if you don't have one. We just have a plain paper calendar and a marker. We cross out YESTERDAY, circle TODAY and point to TOMORROW.
My kid had the opposite problem, she was confused by naps and was sure that tomorrow is after her nap time. She's still confused by naps but she solved it by no longer napping.
posted by muddgirl at 5:19 PM on July 22 [6 favorites]
My kid had the opposite problem, she was confused by naps and was sure that tomorrow is after her nap time. She's still confused by naps but she solved it by no longer napping.
posted by muddgirl at 5:19 PM on July 22 [6 favorites]
(and if she asks repeatedly about an event, it can go on the calendar and instead of giving an answer, you can help her go and explore how the calendar shows us the answer).
posted by muddgirl at 5:24 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
posted by muddgirl at 5:24 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I'm reasonably smart and well-educated, but was embarrassingly old before I understood that "The king is dead; long live the king" meant long live the new king. I didn't get it until I finally heard a newsreel or movie where it was said, "The king is dead; long live the queen." Ohhhhhhh. Duh!
Transitions are hard for kids; names that don't acknowledge the details of the transitional period are similarly confusing.
Does she understand that when you're standing "here" and walk yourself over "there," that the new location is now called "here?"
I think the fact that "today" includes everything from
— "this morning" when we wake up and it's light out and we actually get out of bed" to
— "this afternoon" (school and lunch and playtime) to
— "this evening" (dinner and TV and bath and jammies) to
— "tonight" (when we're in bed and STAYING in bed and falling asleep)
and then what we call "today" ends in the middle of the night, and the thing we've been calling "tomorrow" is no longer called tomorrow, but it's the NEW today — this is freakishly confusing (and goes against what they learn about object permanence), if you think about how you'd explain this to aliens, particularly aliens who don't have experience with the passage of time, and naming norms, on earth.
A six year old is a recent immigrant to the planet, so it might be helpful to explain that it's not just that the clock changes (like when it changes from 9a to 10a to 11a and then 12p, also called Noon, we no longer call it morning, but afternoon right around when it's time for lunch.
The time moves forward, and then the names of WHERE WE ARE IN TIME change too, just like the PLACE WE ARE changes when we move from HERE to THERE.
I'm not a parent, but I've explained this to kids before, and it seems to help.
If she's confused about today/tomorrow for sleep, on top of the other issues, you might explain that it's not the act of her sleeping (that is, she can't wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of her night -- at 10:30p -- and suddenly make it tomorrow). It's time changes AND name changes.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 5:31 PM on July 22 [10 favorites]
Transitions are hard for kids; names that don't acknowledge the details of the transitional period are similarly confusing.
Does she understand that when you're standing "here" and walk yourself over "there," that the new location is now called "here?"
I think the fact that "today" includes everything from
— "this morning" when we wake up and it's light out and we actually get out of bed" to
— "this afternoon" (school and lunch and playtime) to
— "this evening" (dinner and TV and bath and jammies) to
— "tonight" (when we're in bed and STAYING in bed and falling asleep)
and then what we call "today" ends in the middle of the night, and the thing we've been calling "tomorrow" is no longer called tomorrow, but it's the NEW today — this is freakishly confusing (and goes against what they learn about object permanence), if you think about how you'd explain this to aliens, particularly aliens who don't have experience with the passage of time, and naming norms, on earth.
A six year old is a recent immigrant to the planet, so it might be helpful to explain that it's not just that the clock changes (like when it changes from 9a to 10a to 11a and then 12p, also called Noon, we no longer call it morning, but afternoon right around when it's time for lunch.
The time moves forward, and then the names of WHERE WE ARE IN TIME change too, just like the PLACE WE ARE changes when we move from HERE to THERE.
I'm not a parent, but I've explained this to kids before, and it seems to help.
If she's confused about today/tomorrow for sleep, on top of the other issues, you might explain that it's not the act of her sleeping (that is, she can't wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of her night -- at 10:30p -- and suddenly make it tomorrow). It's time changes AND name changes.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 5:31 PM on July 22 [10 favorites]
Response by poster: I'm reasonably smart and well-educated, but was embarrassingly old before I understood that "The king is dead; long live the king" meant long live the new king.
Oh my god. You just taught me this and I'm 44 :)
posted by kitcat at 5:38 PM on July 22 [26 favorites]
Oh my god. You just taught me this and I'm 44 :)
posted by kitcat at 5:38 PM on July 22 [26 favorites]
Best answer: If I were explaining this to a 6 year old, I would first make sure to explain that "today" means whatever day is happening right now and "tomorrow" means the next day - the day that comes after today.
Then I think I'd get out a globe (or a ball that could represent the earth) and hold it up near a light that could represent the sun. I'd show how the earth is always spinning. It rotates so sometimes our part of it is facing the sun and sometimes our part is facing away. I'd explain that a day is the amount of time it takes to rotate all the way around. In the morning, when our part of the earth turns toward the sun, it makes it look like the sun is rising up into the sky. The sun shines on us all day and then after a while our part of the earth has turned so far that it starts turning away from the sun. Then it looks like the sun is going down. And then it's night. Our part of the earth is facing away from the sun. We go to bed and we sleep and the earth keeps turning until it's facing the sun again and then a new day starts. (I'd save the concept of the new day starting at midnight for another time.)
If she wants to know when tomorrow is, you can show her with the globe when it will be. Point to the spot on the globe where you are and show her how it's facing the sun. Show how it will turn and turn until it's facing away from the sun. Then it will be night. And it will turn and turn some more until it's facing the sun again. Then it will be tomorrow.
But when that day comes, you can tell her, we won't actually call it tomorrow! Because "today" always means the day that's happening right now and "tomorrow" always means the next day. So the day we're calling "tomorrow" right now will change into "today" as soon as it starts!
posted by Redstart at 5:45 PM on July 22 [3 favorites]
Then I think I'd get out a globe (or a ball that could represent the earth) and hold it up near a light that could represent the sun. I'd show how the earth is always spinning. It rotates so sometimes our part of it is facing the sun and sometimes our part is facing away. I'd explain that a day is the amount of time it takes to rotate all the way around. In the morning, when our part of the earth turns toward the sun, it makes it look like the sun is rising up into the sky. The sun shines on us all day and then after a while our part of the earth has turned so far that it starts turning away from the sun. Then it looks like the sun is going down. And then it's night. Our part of the earth is facing away from the sun. We go to bed and we sleep and the earth keeps turning until it's facing the sun again and then a new day starts. (I'd save the concept of the new day starting at midnight for another time.)
If she wants to know when tomorrow is, you can show her with the globe when it will be. Point to the spot on the globe where you are and show her how it's facing the sun. Show how it will turn and turn until it's facing away from the sun. Then it will be night. And it will turn and turn some more until it's facing the sun again. Then it will be tomorrow.
But when that day comes, you can tell her, we won't actually call it tomorrow! Because "today" always means the day that's happening right now and "tomorrow" always means the next day. So the day we're calling "tomorrow" right now will change into "today" as soon as it starts!
posted by Redstart at 5:45 PM on July 22 [3 favorites]
Does she nap, or remember napping, or have friends who nap? Because if she has multiple “sleeps” then it would be confusing to hear that tomorrow is after we sleep but sometimes sleep happens and it’s still today and you have the rest of today to live through.
Have you talked with her about the sun and the moon? The sun shines during the day and most people wake up and do their activities when it’s light out. The sun sets and it gets dark outside, and most people go to sleep, and the moon comes out and helps the different people and animals who are still awake to be able to see, like a flashlight or a nightlight. When the sun comes back and shines again, after the moon has gone away, that’s tomorrow.
posted by Mizu at 5:58 PM on July 22 [4 favorites]
Have you talked with her about the sun and the moon? The sun shines during the day and most people wake up and do their activities when it’s light out. The sun sets and it gets dark outside, and most people go to sleep, and the moon comes out and helps the different people and animals who are still awake to be able to see, like a flashlight or a nightlight. When the sun comes back and shines again, after the moon has gone away, that’s tomorrow.
posted by Mizu at 5:58 PM on July 22 [4 favorites]
My son is six and also has no understanding of "tomorrow"; neither did my daughter at the same age. To them, tomorrow basically meant "the future" or "a time that hasn't happened yet." So in your example, I might still say Bobby is coming tomorrow but add in some context or anchor events they understand to clarify that Bobby will be here in the morning after we wake up and have breakfast or whatever.
posted by anderjen at 6:15 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
posted by anderjen at 6:15 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I actually remember being confused about the whole concept of "tomorrow" versus "yesterday". I don't know if it was like a "right" vs "left" issue, but I remember not understanding which was which and how they worked. I could read early and had a good vocabulary- it was just some weird issue- actually I couldn't tell time for a long time either so maybe I had "time-related issues".
Maybe "after we sleep" is too general- like what if you take a nap, or you sleep everyday so which day is which? Hmm...I just tried to re-phrase it, but it is tough. Maybe just say "well we will finish today, and then go to sleep, and when we wake up [tomorrow], we know that we will see Bobby!".
posted by bquarters at 6:21 PM on July 22 [3 favorites]
Maybe "after we sleep" is too general- like what if you take a nap, or you sleep everyday so which day is which? Hmm...I just tried to re-phrase it, but it is tough. Maybe just say "well we will finish today, and then go to sleep, and when we wake up [tomorrow], we know that we will see Bobby!".
posted by bquarters at 6:21 PM on July 22 [3 favorites]
Best answer: If you haven't already come across it, you will probably really enjoy reading about gestalt language processing. If that is how she learns–and a ton of autistic and/or ADHD people do–the cyclic repetitions will themselves help her figure this all out. The reply "After we sleep today?" has that feel to it to me, because she's taking the root phrase and modifying it meaningfully to seek additional clarity. But okay! I realize that's a little on the side of rejecting the premise of your question, and I don't mean to do that. In the vein of GLP, with the goal of introducing some new phrases (italicized), I might try:
Tomorrow is a word about the future. The future is the opposite of the past, right? The past already happened, but the future hasn't happened yet. [She may have an example. If not, offer a simple one about her life.] So just like "yesterday" means the day before this one, "tomorrow" means the next day. Does that make sense? [Wait. Listen. Respond to the content of any statement/question, even if it seems very tangential. Be willing to let this conversation go for now. Then:] Here, look at the calendar! When it was yesterday, the day before, it was Sunday, and if in the past we said "tomorrow" on Sunday, we meant Monday, what's now called "today." Every new day it shifts to the next day! For Sunday, "tomorrow" is the next day, Monday. And for Monday, "tomorrow" is the next day, Tuesday! [Etc.] The next day is after we sleep because we sleep when it's dark, but even if we didn't sleep, the day would still change to the next day. [Wait for any additional comments. Then:] So the calendar shows that next day from today is Tuesday. Tomorrow, on Tuesday, Bobby's planning to come over! [Then on Tuesday this gets reinforced with reference to this prior conversation.]
posted by teremala at 6:47 PM on July 22 [5 favorites]
Tomorrow is a word about the future. The future is the opposite of the past, right? The past already happened, but the future hasn't happened yet. [She may have an example. If not, offer a simple one about her life.] So just like "yesterday" means the day before this one, "tomorrow" means the next day. Does that make sense? [Wait. Listen. Respond to the content of any statement/question, even if it seems very tangential. Be willing to let this conversation go for now. Then:] Here, look at the calendar! When it was yesterday, the day before, it was Sunday, and if in the past we said "tomorrow" on Sunday, we meant Monday, what's now called "today." Every new day it shifts to the next day! For Sunday, "tomorrow" is the next day, Monday. And for Monday, "tomorrow" is the next day, Tuesday! [Etc.] The next day is after we sleep because we sleep when it's dark, but even if we didn't sleep, the day would still change to the next day. [Wait for any additional comments. Then:] So the calendar shows that next day from today is Tuesday. Tomorrow, on Tuesday, Bobby's planning to come over! [Then on Tuesday this gets reinforced with reference to this prior conversation.]
posted by teremala at 6:47 PM on July 22 [5 favorites]
Yeah just to echo everyone who is saying that this is developmentally appropriate confusion on her part: this is absolutely developmentally appropriate confusion for this age group.
Not that you should just shrug and move on! I just know that it was kind of comforting to me to know when things my kids were doing were developmentally appropriate.
posted by cooker girl at 6:59 PM on July 22 [4 favorites]
Not that you should just shrug and move on! I just know that it was kind of comforting to me to know when things my kids were doing were developmentally appropriate.
posted by cooker girl at 6:59 PM on July 22 [4 favorites]
It sounds to me like she's *anxious* about something to do with tomorrow. Perhaps it will come early and she won't be ready for it? The ritual you have about it is her seeking reassurance. I might try to find out what worries her about knowing when tomorrow is. I bet someone said something once that led her to a fear she has about it. ("Tomorrow never comes" is an idea that could seem terrifying if you were a little too literal about it.)
posted by shadygrove at 7:02 PM on July 22 [6 favorites]
posted by shadygrove at 7:02 PM on July 22 [6 favorites]
what else is she missing?
a globe, redstart's idea, could be especially helpful if etymology is brought in: morrow derives from morgen. so at dawn tomorrow's arrived
until tomorrow
posted by HearHere at 7:38 PM on July 22 [1 favorite]
a globe, redstart's idea, could be especially helpful if etymology is brought in: morrow derives from morgen. so at dawn tomorrow's arrived
until tomorrow
posted by HearHere at 7:38 PM on July 22 [1 favorite]
We have a 4 year old, we look at the lines between days on the calendar, have talked about midnight, and it's slowly getting there.
posted by freethefeet at 7:41 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
posted by freethefeet at 7:41 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
I'm curious how she answers when you ask her when she thinks it might be?
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:11 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:11 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Hey, responses that reject the premise of my question will say "This is not a problem! It's developmentally appropriate! Asking what tomorrow means for 365+ days is totally normal, nothing see here - you should totally do nothing!". So if you are not doing that, then no worries.
posted by kitcat at 10:56 PM on July 22
posted by kitcat at 10:56 PM on July 22
Most six year olds just don't get time. If something bad is happening to a six year old, then as far as they're concerned it's always been that way and always will be that way. This is why six year olds are so susceptible to being absolutely devastated by what looks to adults like minor inconveniences at worst.
I don't think your daughter is misunderstanding the idea of tomorrow so much as simply not yet having grown the conceptual underpinnings required to ground it properly. If you're looking for handles to hang empathy on, imagine the feeling of being vox popped by Jimmy Kimmel and asked to explain the inverse square law.
posted by flabdablet at 10:57 PM on July 22 [3 favorites]
I don't think your daughter is misunderstanding the idea of tomorrow so much as simply not yet having grown the conceptual underpinnings required to ground it properly. If you're looking for handles to hang empathy on, imagine the feeling of being vox popped by Jimmy Kimmel and asked to explain the inverse square law.
posted by flabdablet at 10:57 PM on July 22 [3 favorites]
Just saw your update, and I'm not at all suggesting that you should do nothing; it sounds to me like what you're already doing is completely fine, even if all it seems to be doing from your point of view is operate as a minor bonding ritual. It takes a lot of grounding in Before and After before those specific relationships can abstract themselves into the past and the future.
If your kid were my kid I'd be encouraging her to spend as much time living in her own personal Right Now as I could possibly arrange to do. The day she gets a lock on yesterday and tomorrow is also the day she'll get her first serious opportunity to experience anxiety about the future - which is, for the time being, solely your job as her parent.
posted by flabdablet at 11:06 PM on July 22 [3 favorites]
If your kid were my kid I'd be encouraging her to spend as much time living in her own personal Right Now as I could possibly arrange to do. The day she gets a lock on yesterday and tomorrow is also the day she'll get her first serious opportunity to experience anxiety about the future - which is, for the time being, solely your job as her parent.
posted by flabdablet at 11:06 PM on July 22 [3 favorites]
Best answer: From what remember about time metaphor, we stand in today, yesterday is behind us, and tomorrow is before us. So I told this to my nephew, who is about the same age, and we worked this out:
From the time we wake up, till the time we go to sleep, we look around and we are in today.
In the morning when we wake up, we think back and remember, and that was yesterday.
But when we try to look ahead, we can't see tomorrow after we sleep. We can only imagine.
posted by BlueHorse at 11:13 PM on July 22 [1 favorite]
From the time we wake up, till the time we go to sleep, we look around and we are in today.
In the morning when we wake up, we think back and remember, and that was yesterday.
But when we try to look ahead, we can't see tomorrow after we sleep. We can only imagine.
posted by BlueHorse at 11:13 PM on July 22 [1 favorite]
Best answer: If you do want to nudge things a little, perhaps sharpen up your choice of tenses? "Yay, Bobby is coming tomorrow" has an inbuilt contradiction, in that "is coming" is about the now while "tomorrow" is about the future. "Yay, Bobby will come tomorrow" might sound a bit stilted but especially if your daughter's particular flavour of neurospicy bends toward literality it might help clear things up for her.
posted by flabdablet at 11:14 PM on July 22 [3 favorites]
posted by flabdablet at 11:14 PM on July 22 [3 favorites]
Best answer: we stand in today, yesterday is behind us, and tomorrow is before us
I've never liked this metaphor, mainly because we can see into our pasts in ways that we just can't see into our futures, and because the frankly astonishing amounts of modelling work that our brains have to do all the time in order to construct the most likely futures we're going to have to deal with deserves more respect than casual dismissal as "only" imagining.
We stand in today, staring at yesterday, forever falling backwards into a tomorrow that we just have to hope won't smack us over the back of the head so hard that we die.
posted by flabdablet at 11:29 PM on July 22 [10 favorites]
I've never liked this metaphor, mainly because we can see into our pasts in ways that we just can't see into our futures, and because the frankly astonishing amounts of modelling work that our brains have to do all the time in order to construct the most likely futures we're going to have to deal with deserves more respect than casual dismissal as "only" imagining.
We stand in today, staring at yesterday, forever falling backwards into a tomorrow that we just have to hope won't smack us over the back of the head so hard that we die.
posted by flabdablet at 11:29 PM on July 22 [10 favorites]
Best answer: As a thought experiment, imagine someone told you there would be amazing presents at Christmas. So you say "When's Christmas?" and they say "After you sleep", and you think, OK, sounds good, I'm looking forward to that.
But then the next day you wake up, and people are just having breakfast like normal, and talking about what will happen at Christmas, like it's still in the future. So you say "Uh, when's Christmas?" and they say "After you sleep!" So you figure that this is some sneaky trick, and you say "like, after THIS SPECIFIC SLEEP THAT I WILL SOON BE HAVING?". And then the next day people are still talking about Christmas like it's in the future. Wouldn't that be weird and confusing? Wouldn't you want to know when Christmas will actually be?
The thing that's autism-influenced here isn't the time confusion. It's the part where she tries to solve the confusion by asking the exact same question herself every time, getting "stuck" in a loop. Rituals and schedules and repeating things are the comfort zone of autistic folks, very literally, and it can be a bit difficult to get unstuck. This is a normal thing for autistic folks, who often have to learn the hard way that neurotypical people can find it frustrating or annoying or worrying.
Anyway, what I'd do is get a calender somewhere, with visual indicators for what will happen on each day. Then start using days of the week to anchor time.
"Today is Monday! (Point at today on the calendar). After school you're going to Grandma's. Tomorrow, after you sleep will be Tuesday. (Point at tomorrow). Look, tomorrow after school we will be going to the park."
"Morning! Did you sleep well? It's Tuesday! Look (points), after school we're going to the park! Yesterday was Monday, so we went to Grandma's (points). After you sleep tonight it will be tomorrow, that's Wednesday and we'll have tacos for dinner (points)."
This is something you might have to repeat a lot for it to sink in. But I bet it does the trick after a couple of weeks. Just lean into the power of repetition. She may still like to review the calendar in the same way every day even after she's figured out what "tomorrow" means. And that's fine!
You may also find that it helps to try and have a predictable schedule. Like, always go to Grandma's on Monday, always have tacos on Wednesday. Predictable schedules are calming.
posted by quacks like a duck at 12:07 AM on July 23 [7 favorites]
But then the next day you wake up, and people are just having breakfast like normal, and talking about what will happen at Christmas, like it's still in the future. So you say "Uh, when's Christmas?" and they say "After you sleep!" So you figure that this is some sneaky trick, and you say "like, after THIS SPECIFIC SLEEP THAT I WILL SOON BE HAVING?". And then the next day people are still talking about Christmas like it's in the future. Wouldn't that be weird and confusing? Wouldn't you want to know when Christmas will actually be?
The thing that's autism-influenced here isn't the time confusion. It's the part where she tries to solve the confusion by asking the exact same question herself every time, getting "stuck" in a loop. Rituals and schedules and repeating things are the comfort zone of autistic folks, very literally, and it can be a bit difficult to get unstuck. This is a normal thing for autistic folks, who often have to learn the hard way that neurotypical people can find it frustrating or annoying or worrying.
Anyway, what I'd do is get a calender somewhere, with visual indicators for what will happen on each day. Then start using days of the week to anchor time.
"Today is Monday! (Point at today on the calendar). After school you're going to Grandma's. Tomorrow, after you sleep will be Tuesday. (Point at tomorrow). Look, tomorrow after school we will be going to the park."
"Morning! Did you sleep well? It's Tuesday! Look (points), after school we're going to the park! Yesterday was Monday, so we went to Grandma's (points). After you sleep tonight it will be tomorrow, that's Wednesday and we'll have tacos for dinner (points)."
This is something you might have to repeat a lot for it to sink in. But I bet it does the trick after a couple of weeks. Just lean into the power of repetition. She may still like to review the calendar in the same way every day even after she's figured out what "tomorrow" means. And that's fine!
You may also find that it helps to try and have a predictable schedule. Like, always go to Grandma's on Monday, always have tacos on Wednesday. Predictable schedules are calming.
posted by quacks like a duck at 12:07 AM on July 23 [7 favorites]
Best answer: If I pretend I'm a 6 year old, the questions "what is tomorrow" and "when is tomorrow" and the checking in that it's "after we sleep today" is meant more to get a "feel" for when the event will happen in what naturally feels like a continual span of present time than it is to get a specific definition of the concept of tomorrow. For adults, each day is instinctively "felt" to be divided up by hours, times of day like morning and afternoon and evening, expectations of rational units that will unfold and lead to "tomorrow." Little kids don't have this. I think the 6 year old brain is trying to nail down a feel for how something said to be happening "tomorrow" relates to where they are right now by making it sort of concrete and repetitive: After we sleep today.
I might try to enter that landscape and give it some gentle structure, which she might be trying to grasp, by casually adding in more units of time in an ordinary way, not in relation to any specific tomorrow event but just as chat. "We will eat dinner in an hour and then an hour after that you'll go to bed."
posted by Tim Bucktooth at 12:09 AM on July 23 [4 favorites]
I might try to enter that landscape and give it some gentle structure, which she might be trying to grasp, by casually adding in more units of time in an ordinary way, not in relation to any specific tomorrow event but just as chat. "We will eat dinner in an hour and then an hour after that you'll go to bed."
posted by Tim Bucktooth at 12:09 AM on July 23 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Another tricky thing about "tomorrow" is that it's one of those self-relative terms like "left" or "right" that persistently refuses to go away regardless of how we try to respond to it.
If I'm facing north and I turn to the left, I'll end up facing west. But even though my action has altered the map direction I'm now facing in, I am still not facing left. Left keeps on following me around like an uninvited house guest, just taunting me with my inability to turn that way once and for all and be done with it.
I see "what is tomorrow?" as a question directly parallel to "which way is left?" and therefore difficult to answer for much the same reason. Pointing to calendars and suchlike might not actually help her much because you'll be pointing to a different calendar day every day; it would be like having her ask every day which way is left, and pointing west today and south tomorrow.
Until she works out that it's all about her own orientation, she's just going to stay confused - and working out her own orientation requires already having a sense of herself as a going concern, one conceptually separable from the selves of other people, a tall philosophical order for any small child.
posted by flabdablet at 12:27 AM on July 23 [8 favorites]
If I'm facing north and I turn to the left, I'll end up facing west. But even though my action has altered the map direction I'm now facing in, I am still not facing left. Left keeps on following me around like an uninvited house guest, just taunting me with my inability to turn that way once and for all and be done with it.
I see "what is tomorrow?" as a question directly parallel to "which way is left?" and therefore difficult to answer for much the same reason. Pointing to calendars and suchlike might not actually help her much because you'll be pointing to a different calendar day every day; it would be like having her ask every day which way is left, and pointing west today and south tomorrow.
Until she works out that it's all about her own orientation, she's just going to stay confused - and working out her own orientation requires already having a sense of herself as a going concern, one conceptually separable from the selves of other people, a tall philosophical order for any small child.
posted by flabdablet at 12:27 AM on July 23 [8 favorites]
Are you sure that she doesn’t understand the concept of tomorrow? I’d test this a couple times with off-hand questions before you invest significant time into explaining these concepts. To me, this sounds like a comforting ritual repetition (which can go with autism).
posted by bq at 4:40 AM on July 23 [7 favorites]
posted by bq at 4:40 AM on July 23 [7 favorites]
I'm not sure I'd get into much detail about the sun and the earth, I'd just tweak your answer a tiny bit : at the end of the day, the sun gets some rest and goes to sleep, right ? Tomorrow will be when the sun wakes up. It's not absolutely right, but that's a good start.
posted by nicolin at 6:38 AM on July 23 [1 favorite]
posted by nicolin at 6:38 AM on July 23 [1 favorite]
I recommend not getting too creative with the Just So stories, because the capacity of little kids' heads to retain the random garbage we insist on tossing casually in there is quite shocking.
I made the mistake of telling teeny-tiny ms flabdablet the Great Lie about the sun: that a new one goes across the sky each day, and they pile up behind those mountains, and when they cool down, men go back there and cut them up into blocks and that's where we get margarine from. Which is frankly hilarious, but what spoiled my fun was finding out that she'd actually believed that for years and years due to never having had occasion to question it, until at last she made the mistake of explaining it to a fellow student at the age of maybe thirteen.
The shame of being mocked mercilessly for knowing a thing because I'd told it to her made the whole field of astronomy so fraught for her that she still gets quite badly freaked out any time she thinks about being stuck to the surface of a planet that's just falling endlessly through space the whole time instead of actually being held up by anything.
One of my friends, as a fairly small child, was looking at his hands at school one day and was moved by the force of sudden epiphany to shout "Nails are made of plastic!" to which disruption the teacher responded by making him stay back after class and write it out on the blackboard a hundred times. This turned it into an article of faith that hung around in his head for decades. I only found out about it because he was also the generous soul who turned his first acid trip into our first acid trip, during which he stared intently at his hands, then turned to me and said, astonished: "They can't be plastic! They grow!"
Anyway. If I were going to attempt a sleeps-themed story for "tomorrow", it would be based on us going to sleep, not the sun. The real world is already more than weird enough from a tiny child's perspective. No need for us to make it look even weirder.
posted by flabdablet at 7:22 AM on July 23 [6 favorites]
I made the mistake of telling teeny-tiny ms flabdablet the Great Lie about the sun: that a new one goes across the sky each day, and they pile up behind those mountains, and when they cool down, men go back there and cut them up into blocks and that's where we get margarine from. Which is frankly hilarious, but what spoiled my fun was finding out that she'd actually believed that for years and years due to never having had occasion to question it, until at last she made the mistake of explaining it to a fellow student at the age of maybe thirteen.
The shame of being mocked mercilessly for knowing a thing because I'd told it to her made the whole field of astronomy so fraught for her that she still gets quite badly freaked out any time she thinks about being stuck to the surface of a planet that's just falling endlessly through space the whole time instead of actually being held up by anything.
One of my friends, as a fairly small child, was looking at his hands at school one day and was moved by the force of sudden epiphany to shout "Nails are made of plastic!" to which disruption the teacher responded by making him stay back after class and write it out on the blackboard a hundred times. This turned it into an article of faith that hung around in his head for decades. I only found out about it because he was also the generous soul who turned his first acid trip into our first acid trip, during which he stared intently at his hands, then turned to me and said, astonished: "They can't be plastic! They grow!"
Anyway. If I were going to attempt a sleeps-themed story for "tomorrow", it would be based on us going to sleep, not the sun. The real world is already more than weird enough from a tiny child's perspective. No need for us to make it look even weirder.
posted by flabdablet at 7:22 AM on July 23 [6 favorites]
As an aside, the confusing yesterday/today/tomorrow is one of the key points in the plot of Alfred Hitchcock's "The Trouble with Harry."
posted by XtineHutch at 7:35 AM on July 23 [1 favorite]
posted by XtineHutch at 7:35 AM on July 23 [1 favorite]
We used an approach that combines some of the things already mentioned above:
1. Have the conversation in front of a calendar. We used a blank monthly calendar like this.
2. Include the names of the days of the week, because they feel more concrete than "today" or "tomorrow".
3. Use actual things that will happen on specific days.
With this framework, we would have very formulaic conversations such as: "Yesterday was Monday, and we went to the park. Today is Tuesday, and we are going to the library. Tomorrow is Wednesday, and we will be visiting Grandma." We would point at the days as we talk about them. We also let our daughter write the date on today's calendar square, and if there was something significant coming up tomorrow (or later on), she could write or draw something about it on the appropriate square.
Eventually (and in my experience "eventually" often means "longer than it seems like it should take"), you can transition to questions like "What was yesterday?" or "Point to tomorrow on the calendar" rather than making the statements yourself.
As an aside, one of my most intense memories as a child was being some combination of confused, disbelieving, and amazed that "right" and "left" could change based on which way I was facing. So I still remember 40-some years later how weird relative concepts can be.
posted by greenmagnet at 9:08 AM on July 23 [2 favorites]
1. Have the conversation in front of a calendar. We used a blank monthly calendar like this.
2. Include the names of the days of the week, because they feel more concrete than "today" or "tomorrow".
3. Use actual things that will happen on specific days.
With this framework, we would have very formulaic conversations such as: "Yesterday was Monday, and we went to the park. Today is Tuesday, and we are going to the library. Tomorrow is Wednesday, and we will be visiting Grandma." We would point at the days as we talk about them. We also let our daughter write the date on today's calendar square, and if there was something significant coming up tomorrow (or later on), she could write or draw something about it on the appropriate square.
Eventually (and in my experience "eventually" often means "longer than it seems like it should take"), you can transition to questions like "What was yesterday?" or "Point to tomorrow on the calendar" rather than making the statements yourself.
As an aside, one of my most intense memories as a child was being some combination of confused, disbelieving, and amazed that "right" and "left" could change based on which way I was facing. So I still remember 40-some years later how weird relative concepts can be.
posted by greenmagnet at 9:08 AM on July 23 [2 favorites]
A linear calendar might help. I just came across this the other day and thought it was a cool different way of looking at time.
posted by kathrynm at 9:11 AM on July 23 [1 favorite]
posted by kathrynm at 9:11 AM on July 23 [1 favorite]
Hello, mom of a 6 year old here. I wonder if it is better to rewind to preschool understanding of days and nights rather than conceptual. For a small child, their days are made up of events (wake up, breakfast, brush teeth, change clothes, go to camp/school, etc.). As a suggestion, it would be good to use a visual schedule calendar like this one. You don't have to buy it but copy the chart and events and paste it up. Take her through the events of her day and then say when she wakes up the next time, that is tomorrow.
I would even set up two of these charts with identical events and then put the tomorrow sign for when she wakes up next.
posted by ichimunki at 10:50 AM on July 23 [1 favorite]
I would even set up two of these charts with identical events and then put the tomorrow sign for when she wakes up next.
posted by ichimunki at 10:50 AM on July 23 [1 favorite]
Best answer: If she understands the concepts of "this" and "next" in general, it occurred to me that you could use a book to help her understand "today" and "tomorrow." You could get out a book and confirm that she understands what you mean when you say "this page" or "the next page." Then you could have her turn to the next page and talk about how it's "this page" now even though it was "the next page" before. And then you could explain how today and tomorrow are like that. "Today" is another way of saying "this day" and "tomorrow" is another way of saying "the next day."
Then the two of you could even make a little book with pages for different days. It could cover a whole week or just a few days from the current week. One page would show today, with a picture of something that happened or will happen today. One page can show a picture of something that happened yesterday. One can show a picture of something that will happen tomorrow. You could put some other days in there too. If she's reading at all, you could write "yesterday," "today," and "tomorrow'' on the appropriate pages. Then you can flip through the book together. You can turn to the "today" page and say, "This page is for this day - today. The next page is for the next day - tomorrow." And then tomorrow you can get out the book again and show her which page is for today - the page you labeled "tomorrow" yesterday. You can cross out where it says "tomorrow" and write "today."
posted by Redstart at 11:08 AM on July 23 [1 favorite]
Then the two of you could even make a little book with pages for different days. It could cover a whole week or just a few days from the current week. One page would show today, with a picture of something that happened or will happen today. One page can show a picture of something that happened yesterday. One can show a picture of something that will happen tomorrow. You could put some other days in there too. If she's reading at all, you could write "yesterday," "today," and "tomorrow'' on the appropriate pages. Then you can flip through the book together. You can turn to the "today" page and say, "This page is for this day - today. The next page is for the next day - tomorrow." And then tomorrow you can get out the book again and show her which page is for today - the page you labeled "tomorrow" yesterday. You can cross out where it says "tomorrow" and write "today."
posted by Redstart at 11:08 AM on July 23 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Something I thought of earlier - this question for some reason is charming and haunting me.
Maybe you could teach her not by telling her things are happening "tomorrow", but by asking her when she wants something to happen. Something she might not enjoy too much.
Like, "When do you want to have broccoli for lunch? Do you want to have it *today*, before you sleep?" The instinct may be to put it off, so if she says "no, after I sleep" or something similar, you can follow up with "And what do we call the day after we sleep?"
posted by invincible summer at 11:23 AM on July 23
Maybe you could teach her not by telling her things are happening "tomorrow", but by asking her when she wants something to happen. Something she might not enjoy too much.
Like, "When do you want to have broccoli for lunch? Do you want to have it *today*, before you sleep?" The instinct may be to put it off, so if she says "no, after I sleep" or something similar, you can follow up with "And what do we call the day after we sleep?"
posted by invincible summer at 11:23 AM on July 23
The book idea could actually be pretty magical just for her to work with independently, assuming she can read enough. I'm picturing a tablemat-sized sheet with the left side labeled "today" and the right "tomorrow", and then there's a spiral-bound book that sits on it with pages that are small enough one can read the labels as they're turned. Each page is then double-sided with the same day name on both sides, with the weekdays in order so they move from "tomorrow" from "today" as one turns them, and there's no beginning or end because it just keeps looping around. Substitute "yesterday" on the left and "today" on the right if you ever want to show that.
posted by teremala at 3:25 PM on July 23 [1 favorite]
posted by teremala at 3:25 PM on July 23 [1 favorite]
My 5yo granddaughter is just recently sorting out her sense of time/days/etc passing. For her, because she even still naps sometimes, it took a long time to sort out the morning/evening/day "after sleeps".
It really puzzled me for a while, because I don't remember any of my kids or near friends/relatives kids getting as old as she was before gaining a sense of time of day. (And she's super ahead on learning other basic skills, so that wasn't the issue.) I finally decided that she must just be missing some instinctive sense of time, or that there was something about living through it that just hadn't triggered the automatic "oh, I get it!" that most kids usually have by 4 or 5.
With the morning/ evening thing, getting her to pay attention to what the sun was doing helped a lot - is it getting darker, lighter, or is the sun straight up. So did getting more days with no nap under her belt.
She got stuck a little longer than most preschoolers do in the "everything past was yesterday, everything in the future is tomorrow" phase, and the impression I got from it was that it was somehow also connected to that missing instinct/whatever.
She now can state whether it was a sleep or two ago, or that it was "a long time ago" - which is her catchall for anything longer than 2-3 days. For future things, she has progressed to some ability to understand that something is # many more days, and can count them, and often be pretty accurate at tracking how many more days something is, up to about a week.
To get to that point, a calendar has REALLY helped for future things, along with having things like a weekly class that she'd attend for a couple of months, or a week-long camp. Having the work schedules of all her grownups on a calendar (done in a way that's accessible to her) has really helped, because she's recognizing the weekly pattern.
We did have a conversation one time about how all the days in the future are "tomorrows", but that when someone is taking about "tomorrow", they usually only mean the very next day. And that we refer to later ones as "the day after tomorrow", or by the day's name (next Wednesday), or it's date, or whatever.
We've talked through past dates in the same way - they're all yesterdays, and there are "a while ago", "a long time ago", "a few days/ a week ago", and things like "last week/month"... her grasp is still a little fuzzy. I suspect it all blurs together, because she has a really good memory of past events... she's just not very reliable in describing how long ago they were. (Might be a week, might've been three years.)
And another bit of info in case it ends up relevant... I very much expect her to land somewhere on the ADHD spectrum, if and when she's evaluated. I've noticed high-functioning autistic traits, too. Neither of these would be surprising in our family.
posted by stormyteal at 3:54 PM on July 23 [1 favorite]
It really puzzled me for a while, because I don't remember any of my kids or near friends/relatives kids getting as old as she was before gaining a sense of time of day. (And she's super ahead on learning other basic skills, so that wasn't the issue.) I finally decided that she must just be missing some instinctive sense of time, or that there was something about living through it that just hadn't triggered the automatic "oh, I get it!" that most kids usually have by 4 or 5.
With the morning/ evening thing, getting her to pay attention to what the sun was doing helped a lot - is it getting darker, lighter, or is the sun straight up. So did getting more days with no nap under her belt.
She got stuck a little longer than most preschoolers do in the "everything past was yesterday, everything in the future is tomorrow" phase, and the impression I got from it was that it was somehow also connected to that missing instinct/whatever.
She now can state whether it was a sleep or two ago, or that it was "a long time ago" - which is her catchall for anything longer than 2-3 days. For future things, she has progressed to some ability to understand that something is # many more days, and can count them, and often be pretty accurate at tracking how many more days something is, up to about a week.
To get to that point, a calendar has REALLY helped for future things, along with having things like a weekly class that she'd attend for a couple of months, or a week-long camp. Having the work schedules of all her grownups on a calendar (done in a way that's accessible to her) has really helped, because she's recognizing the weekly pattern.
We did have a conversation one time about how all the days in the future are "tomorrows", but that when someone is taking about "tomorrow", they usually only mean the very next day. And that we refer to later ones as "the day after tomorrow", or by the day's name (next Wednesday), or it's date, or whatever.
We've talked through past dates in the same way - they're all yesterdays, and there are "a while ago", "a long time ago", "a few days/ a week ago", and things like "last week/month"... her grasp is still a little fuzzy. I suspect it all blurs together, because she has a really good memory of past events... she's just not very reliable in describing how long ago they were. (Might be a week, might've been three years.)
And another bit of info in case it ends up relevant... I very much expect her to land somewhere on the ADHD spectrum, if and when she's evaluated. I've noticed high-functioning autistic traits, too. Neither of these would be surprising in our family.
posted by stormyteal at 3:54 PM on July 23 [1 favorite]
How about drawing a "calendar" as a long line of 7 squares or rectangles (or 31 if you want to use a whole month), then getting some sort of action figure, game piece, or whatever. Darken the top sixth and the bottom sixth of each day to represent 'night time' or 'when we sleep'. Put the game piece on "today" during the daylight part. Explain that today is wherever the piece is, and show yesterday and tomorrow in relation to the piece and where it is. Slide it toward 'night' to show how the day progresses, at the bottom move it to the top of the next day, showing how we sleep overnight and the next day begins while we are still asleep, but maybe we don't know it's a new day until we wake up (when the piece moves into the light again). Explain that "today" is now on the new day, because the piece has moved through time, including sleeping.
posted by TimHare at 8:58 PM on July 23 [1 favorite]
posted by TimHare at 8:58 PM on July 23 [1 favorite]
Boiling a lot of the calendar suggestions down to their bare essence: does kiddo actually have a lock on what day it is?
Knowing without needing to think about it that Sunday comes before Monday comes before Tuesday comes before Wednesday comes before Thursday comes before Friday comes before Saturday comes before Sunday imparts a sense of movement through the calendar that I think would be helpful to anybody who struggles to relate today to tomorrow. Learning to remember just seven day names and their cyclic ordering is a challenge that I expect most six-year-olds would be up to and maybe even up for.
Every day my daughter (six) asks me when tomorrow is. Every day I say "after we sleep".
You might want to try mixing things up a little and instead responding with something like "Today is Wednesday, so tomorrow is Thursday." Do be on the alert for signs of distress, though; if your daughter is indeed using the "when is tomorrow"/"after we sleep" call-and-responses more as a ritualistic soother than an actual inquiry, trying to treat them as teachable moments might backfire.
If visual/tactile aids are her thing, you could use a bit of card, a bit of acetate and a paper fastener to make up a seven-segment colour wheel with the weekday names on the segments and a rotating transparent overlay with "yesterday", "today" and "tomorrow" labels that she can spin around on top of it.
posted by flabdablet at 3:33 AM on July 24 [3 favorites]
Knowing without needing to think about it that Sunday comes before Monday comes before Tuesday comes before Wednesday comes before Thursday comes before Friday comes before Saturday comes before Sunday imparts a sense of movement through the calendar that I think would be helpful to anybody who struggles to relate today to tomorrow. Learning to remember just seven day names and their cyclic ordering is a challenge that I expect most six-year-olds would be up to and maybe even up for.
Every day my daughter (six) asks me when tomorrow is. Every day I say "after we sleep".
You might want to try mixing things up a little and instead responding with something like "Today is Wednesday, so tomorrow is Thursday." Do be on the alert for signs of distress, though; if your daughter is indeed using the "when is tomorrow"/"after we sleep" call-and-responses more as a ritualistic soother than an actual inquiry, trying to treat them as teachable moments might backfire.
If visual/tactile aids are her thing, you could use a bit of card, a bit of acetate and a paper fastener to make up a seven-segment colour wheel with the weekday names on the segments and a rotating transparent overlay with "yesterday", "today" and "tomorrow" labels that she can spin around on top of it.
posted by flabdablet at 3:33 AM on July 24 [3 favorites]
Might also be fun to decorate the colour wheel background with a picture of something suitably static and environmental and the overlay with a picture of her face that tracks with "today".
Round and round the week we go and where we stop, no-one knows.
posted by flabdablet at 3:38 AM on July 24 [1 favorite]
Round and round the week we go and where we stop, no-one knows.
posted by flabdablet at 3:38 AM on July 24 [1 favorite]
Mod note: Hey, this interesting question has been added to the sidebar and Best Of blog!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 7:06 AM on July 24 [1 favorite]
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 7:06 AM on July 24 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I really hope it's ok if I add another comment. It's nice that people find this so interesting! No one really took me up on what I said about trouble with 'constants' as I sort of hoped someone would so I want to add a thought. I know for myself, and I think this is a neurodivergent thing and I'm certain other people know what I'm talking about when I say - I have at least two 'places' in my brain for knowledge - one has things that I've moved into the 'true' and always true category. Like 1+1 equals 2. A vastly larger space has all the other knowledge. There is an intense stubbornness in me when it comes to moving things into the 'true' category. It's almost like it would cause me a moral injury to be forced to do that prematurely. I couldn't really grasp math until 11th grade, when the teacher's method was to teach us to memorize the problem algorithms, for example. So the point is, my six year old seems very similar to me and I do expect that this is part of her struggle.
Thanks for all the ideas! I'm sure they will help us move 'tomorrow' into that cemented category that will make the world a little more predictable.
posted by kitcat at 9:48 AM on July 24 [1 favorite]
Thanks for all the ideas! I'm sure they will help us move 'tomorrow' into that cemented category that will make the world a little more predictable.
posted by kitcat at 9:48 AM on July 24 [1 favorite]
Best answer: There is an intense stubbornness in me when it comes to moving things into the 'true' category.
How do you feel about moving them out again? Because 1+1=3 for sufficiently large values of 1.
I've only ever found one claim that has yet to leak out of my own personal certainties bucket.
posted by flabdablet at 10:40 AM on July 24 [1 favorite]
How do you feel about moving them out again? Because 1+1=3 for sufficiently large values of 1.
I've only ever found one claim that has yet to leak out of my own personal certainties bucket.
posted by flabdablet at 10:40 AM on July 24 [1 favorite]
I remember that when I was small, I struggled a lot with "today" becoming "tomorrow" while I slept. I think I didn't really understand that sleep took time or that things happened while I was asleep? Something about midnight happening while I was asleep and that was enough to make it a different day took me a while to grasp; I don't know what finally made it click (honestly, maybe I just gave up and decided to stop trying to make the concept make sense), so no advice there, but it might be worth considering.
posted by pollytropos at 7:25 AM on July 25 [1 favorite]
posted by pollytropos at 7:25 AM on July 25 [1 favorite]
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posted by kitcat at 4:55 PM on July 22