How to get better at regular dancing?

October 28, 2023 4:28 PM

I want to get better at "regular" dancing: Like not learn salsa or ballroom or something - I want to be better at the regular kind of dancing people might typically do at a club or party or wedding. How do I do this?

My current level is "barely good enough to sometimes enjoy it". As a single person, it really feels appealing to be able to engage in this kind of courtship/flirting/whatever. As a human, it seems nice to be able to enjoy this kind of fun.

By "better" I mean - good enough that I can enjoy myself (which might be more a function of attitude than skill) and also good enough that if I'm dancing at a party or whatever, people might think "Hey, that guy can dance okay" as opposed to, say, "it's so cool that that guy's enjoying dancing despite being crap at it"

posted by ManInSuit to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (16 answers total)

I might suggest taking a hip-hop dance class. You won't directly use most of the moves (most likely) but 99% of regular dancing is just being in touch with your body and rhythm. Hip-hop is probably most likely to get you dancing to the kind of music you might dance to in a regular context.
posted by branca at 6:36 PM on October 28, 2023 [7 favorites]

What do you think you're not good at? Lack of rhythm? Not knowing what moves to do and for how long to do each move before moving on to something else? Not being able to make your body do the moves in a way that looks like "that guy could dance"? Or all three?

Practice helps. Can you find some Zumba exercise classes near you and go consistently for a while? Try different instructors too, since some focus more on hip hop, salsa, merengue, or "aerobics" exercises, some do a good mix of everything. In my experience, male instructors sometimes even have 1 or 2 guys in the class so that might be less awkward, although I promise no one cares if you're the only guy and no one is watching you. Everyone is watching the instructor and themselves in the mirror. Keep in mind that you should definitely not break out into full-on zumba choreography at a wedding or a club, but going can help you learn how to move more freely to the beat and loosen up, and give you lots of practice with a few different footwork, hip and arm movement options.

Find videos of people dancing at a wedding and see what they're doing. Try to mimic it at home in front of a mirror or record yourself (don't forget to delete the videos).
posted by dabadoo at 6:37 PM on October 28, 2023 [1 favorite]

I was at a wedding last weekend, and was surprised at how good a dancer my (very nerdy) cousin was. When I mentioned it to her, she said it was all from playing the “Just Dance” video game. So that’s something you could try.
posted by bluloo at 7:36 PM on October 28, 2023 [12 favorites]

Lessons with a dance teacher. They offer instruction in much more than ballroom and salsa; you'd ask around for recommendations and read reviews. When contacting candidates to book your first lesson, you'd mention how you want to be better at social dancing, in clubs and at events, on your own and with a partner. If your would-be dance partners are women, hire a female instructor.

(There is a distinct audience for this, by the way, if it helps you find the right instructor: prospective grooms dreading having to dance at their own wedding receptions. Dance teachers sell packages covering the traditional first "couple" dance and the dance with mom or mom-in-law (both more formal), and freestyle "club" dancing for the remainder of the event.)
posted by Iris Gambol at 7:40 PM on October 28, 2023 [1 favorite]

Slight intoxication has been known to help, or so I've heard...
posted by vrakatar at 10:04 PM on October 28, 2023 [2 favorites]

as well as the above advice, one tip: if you do something and you think it looks stupid, DO IT AGAIN with confidence and turn it into a Thing, then move on. Nothing worse than doing sthg only once.
posted by runincircles at 10:35 PM on October 28, 2023 [6 favorites]

I think people are much less picky on club dancing. As long as you don't injure someone, it's probably all right.

That said, jazz, hip-hop, Zumba classes are all good places to learn some fun moves to upbeat music. Possibly also modern dance because that's pretty go-with-the-flow-y.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:51 PM on October 28, 2023

A couple tips:

Unless you're dancing by yourself, the point is to help the other person have fun. It'll be more fun for you too, but that's just incidental.

Stay in the moment. Split your attention between your senses, your dance partner and the crowd.

Watch YouTube Zumba videos and try to dance along. Expect to find it hard at first, but keep trying the same videos until you can do all the moves. It's good exercise for your coordination and general fitness, both of which are on display while dancing. If you're really committed to improvement, record and review your progress.
posted by grokus at 12:47 AM on October 29, 2023

You might find this YouTube channel helpful.
posted by mydonkeybenjamin at 5:04 AM on October 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

I read one time that people think other people are good dancers if they move their ENTIRE body. I have experimented with this and definitely get mor÷ compliments when I do this. 🤷🏻
posted by tiny frying pan at 7:14 AM on October 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

YouTube is your friend! Stuff like this.
posted by ilovepeaches at 7:42 PM on October 29, 2023

So much of this kind of dancing is just about truly not caring if anyone thinks you look like an idiot. If you feel stupid, you'll look stupid. Bust the same moves with the courage of your convictions and people will be like "wow when did they learn to dance??"
posted by potrzebie at 8:47 PM on October 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

To echo runincircles and potrzebie, I've always felt that confidence and enjoyment are at least 90% of the picture in social dancing. I've been a dance instructor for ~15 years and arguably have good rhythm, moves, etc... but the most fun I have on the dance floor is when I'm making an absolute fool of myself with likeminded friends. I know many, many incredibly talented trained dancers who become completely intimidated by social dancing when there is no choreography involved. On the other hand, my uncle, a nerdy scientist with no rhythm, is still one of my favorite people to be on the dance floor with -- despite having no connection between his body and the music, he enjoys dancing with his whole being and that joy radiates.
posted by hessie at 7:02 AM on October 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

When I was a kid my aunt taught me rhythm by sitting on a speaker with a lot of base so i could actually feel the beat.

Move your arms. (like tiny frying pan talks about).

Practice in your living room. Seriously. Most people are not naturally good dancers.

And here's the real trick. Care less. The more self conscious you feel the worse it'll look. Practice + alcohol usually helps here.
posted by magnetsphere at 8:34 AM on October 30, 2023

Echoing folks above that not worrying about how you’re looking to others, and just feeling your connection to your body and the music are the two most important things. But: taking some lessons that introduce you to just the basic steps of a wide variety of dances can be very helpful in giving you options that you can recombine for yourself, and in getting a feel for different types of movement and how they relate to different types of music/different rhythms.

For practicing whole body movement and getting in touch with your body, I would also recommend belly dance, if there’s a body positive class near you. There are likely good YouTube channels for learning at home, too, though I don’t know enough to have a recommendation. (Applies for any gender - one of my favorite male friends to go dancing in clubs with has a strong belly dance background.) Belly dance and hip hop both have many moves that involve moving specific muscles/muscle groups in isolation from others. It might feel a little intimidating at first if that’s entirely new to you, but just the practicing, regardless of whether or not you ever get the moves down “correctly”, is really helpful for tuning in to how your body is moving and what feels good or like it goes well with the music. Look up some belly dance videos with snake arms and some hip hop videos with popping and locking arms to see some of the stylistic differences between the two forms of dance, even though both movements involve isolating the same muscle groups in the same sequence - it’s like playing the same music andante versus staccato. If you watch other dance or dance instruction videos for other types of dance, similarly be on the lookout for when different styles of dance are actually using the same underlying movement but styling it differently.

Or: choose your thing, and perfect it. I once knew a guy who just danced with his hands, T. rex style elbows at his sides and not even moving his arms, and maybe just swaying the rest of his body at most. Wouldn’t be the most fun way of dancing for me, but it was definitely a clearly defined style that he went all-in on and really owned, so it looked cool.
posted by eviemath at 9:06 PM on October 30, 2023

I danced competitively (hip-hop, modern) in college, and have a strong opinion on this topic.

DO NOT do choreography classes to learn to dance socially.

DO try a "dance fundamentals" or "beginners class" or "grooving class". These are classes that focus on (1) getting on the beat, (2) gradually getting comfortable moving different parts of your body, and eventually (3) feeling comfortable grooving to music.

Everyone recommends choreography classes for beginners but learning moves is not the same as learning to dance. (In the same way that learning cheerleading routines would not make you a better social dancer.) Again, I danced competitively, and even many of my teammates who became good at choreography would still look awkward or stiff when dancing socially.

If you want a specific recommendation: go to Steezy, which has online dance classes, and uniquely offers exactly what I'm recommending: a Dance Fundamentals class taught by Bianca Vallar. It will cost $20 for one month, but I'd argue it's worth it regardless of your budget.

• It's hard to find the right beginners class.
• You get to learn in the privacy of your home.
• You get to take as many classes as you want for $20.
• It would cost you more (and be more intimidating) to take dance classes in-person.
posted by shrimpetouffee at 11:20 PM on November 3, 2023 [2 favorites]