Companionship for a forgetful elderly lady in New York?
October 10, 2021 2:09 PM Subscribe
My mother, late 80s, a retired sociologist, lives at home in New York City. She has pretty bad dementia. She knows who you are, but can't remember that she already asked you that five times today. So she's lost most of her friends.
Are there people one can hire as regular companions to simply go on a walk in the park and carry on an interesting conversation with an elderly person in New York? Are there programs?
This should be a person who has experience with this population so if something goes pear-shaped they will be able to handle the situation.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 4:03 PM on October 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 4:03 PM on October 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
Is she Jewish? I think the UJA has some programs.
posted by praemunire at 4:50 PM on October 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by praemunire at 4:50 PM on October 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
I have a friend who's going through this exact situation in NYC. You can memail me and I'll contact her for the info, which I don't have at hand right now.
posted by Dr. Wu at 4:56 PM on October 10, 2021
posted by Dr. Wu at 4:56 PM on October 10, 2021
Yes, companion services are definitely a thing! Most in home care companies also offer companionship services, and there are agencies that do purely companionship. The NYC Area Agency on Aging and the Alzheimer's Association should be able to help with referrals.
Another thing she might enjoy is a social day program. It has activities similar to what she might find at a senior center but designed for folks with memory impairment.
posted by assenav at 5:58 PM on October 10, 2021
Another thing she might enjoy is a social day program. It has activities similar to what she might find at a senior center but designed for folks with memory impairment.
posted by assenav at 5:58 PM on October 10, 2021
You can call the JCC of Washington Heights and Inwood at 212-568-5450 and they can direct you to a senior services agency that serves your mother’s address. (Religion is not an issue.)
posted by 8603 at 6:32 PM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by 8603 at 6:32 PM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
I would also recommend posting at nearby universities—they should have electronic listings for part-time jobs the same way they do for career-track jobs. When I was in grad school, I frequently saw ads for occasional elder companions.
posted by 8603 at 5:24 AM on October 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by 8603 at 5:24 AM on October 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
Dorot is another organization in NYC that I believe has people who do this on a volunteer basis (and if they don't, should be able to hook you up with someone who does).
ETA - just found this on their website which sounds like exactly what you're asking for.
posted by Mchelly at 7:54 AM on October 11, 2021
ETA - just found this on their website which sounds like exactly what you're asking for.
posted by Mchelly at 7:54 AM on October 11, 2021
Best answer: Hi, dear musofire, I'm an elder caregiver, living in NYC with over 10 years experience. If you would like I will email you my number and we can speak on the phone. Though I am now working full time with another hospice client, I have good friends who I can highly recommend to be a companion for your mother.
There really needs to be a NYC eldercare guide book and I was thinking of writing one. Here is a little overview that hopefully may provide a little information.
The categories for helping the elderly in NYC fall into:
Agency workers:
the agency worker Home Health Aides (HHAs), the lowest on the totem pole financially and who do the most grunt work. They usually do a 2 week 70 hour HHA course, come from the Caribbean or Guyana and make minimum wage. They help toilet the client, bathe the client, oversee that the elderly client takes their medications, may do light housework, may cook a little and basically babysit the client without being much of a communicator. Some are gems, loving, communicative, warm, many are not.
Then there are the agency worker Companions, usually paid $20 an hour and are not legally allowed to touch the client. No changing adult diapers, no bathing. Some light housekeeping, some light cooking, some errands. Basically babysitting without the often needed practical stuff.
Then there are the agency worker Nurses, who have been in tremendous demand during the pandemic, who cost $40 an hour to $150 an hour. They basically do not do any babysitting, no companionship, no help toileting, no cooking, no housekeeping, only help with things like taking blood for tests, putting in or taking out a Foley catheter etc.
It's basically terrible because the agency workers have their jobs divided into compartments. Legal liability insurance allows only HHAs and nurses - usually RNs but also Licensed Practical Nurses - to do hands on help, Companions no.
Usually it is the eldest daughter of the elderly person hiring help for their elderly parent, overseeing the work needed. And often it is the eldest son paying the bill for the eldercare. The agency is usually paid what the hired person gets. If the HHA gets $17 an hour, so does the agency, plus a fee.
There are various eldercare agencies in NYC. Often they have niche areas, like Renewal Care puts a focus on gay elderly clients with memory or dementia issues. ComForCare has a focus on Companions. LifeWorx has a focus on the elderly on the Upper East or Upper West Side. You can google Home Health Agency NYC. Or eldercare NYC. There are some agencies that specialize in offering women who are Irish. Some are underground agencies offering immigrants from the Ukraine. It's an interesting world with all kinds of ethnic divisions.
Medicare Medicaid pays family members to be elder caregivers. That program is called CDPAP. There are agencies that also specialize in CDPAP caregivers. Rates range between $12.50 – $19.09 per hour and $18.75 – $28.63 per overtime hour. This Medicaid program provides services to chronically ill or physically disabled individuals who have a medical need for help with activities of daily living (ADLs) or skilled nursing services.
Then there are rogue caregivers like myself, who you find out by word of mouth, on FaceBook in caregivers groups, on online websites, like Care.com. Here is my profile there:
https://www.care.com/p/victoriab6398/sc
The rogue caregivers may be associated with an agency for part time work but they usually are hired by word of mouth. A fellow Mefite kindly informed me of this AskMe question via FaceBook Messenger because he knows I'm a rogue elder caregiver.
Rogue caregivers do basically everything necessary, some more than others. This includes companionship, hands on work changing adult diapers, bathing, medication supervision, cooking, cleaning, laundry, personal assisting with paperwork, accompanying the elder to doctors, doing errands, reporting back to the family member.
There are rogue caregivers who may work for cash, $100 for a 24 hour shift, often illegal aliens but also citizens too. They might be hired via CraigsList, for example.
I have several rogue elder caregiver friends, who work from $20 to $40 an hour. Caucasian elder caregivers on the Upper East or Upper West Side usually made $40 an hour and up. They usually work in 8 to 12 hour shifts. Some work live in, others do not. The shifts are divided into daytime shifts, night time shifts, weekday shifts, weekend shifts. Usually there are 2 to 3 caregivers per client, dividing the shifts.
So those are some of the options and backstories about eldercare available in NYC.
So that's it in a nutshell. Hoping it's a little helpful.
posted by nickyskye at 9:08 AM on October 11, 2021 [31 favorites]
There really needs to be a NYC eldercare guide book and I was thinking of writing one. Here is a little overview that hopefully may provide a little information.
The categories for helping the elderly in NYC fall into:
Agency workers:
the agency worker Home Health Aides (HHAs), the lowest on the totem pole financially and who do the most grunt work. They usually do a 2 week 70 hour HHA course, come from the Caribbean or Guyana and make minimum wage. They help toilet the client, bathe the client, oversee that the elderly client takes their medications, may do light housework, may cook a little and basically babysit the client without being much of a communicator. Some are gems, loving, communicative, warm, many are not.
Then there are the agency worker Companions, usually paid $20 an hour and are not legally allowed to touch the client. No changing adult diapers, no bathing. Some light housekeeping, some light cooking, some errands. Basically babysitting without the often needed practical stuff.
Then there are the agency worker Nurses, who have been in tremendous demand during the pandemic, who cost $40 an hour to $150 an hour. They basically do not do any babysitting, no companionship, no help toileting, no cooking, no housekeeping, only help with things like taking blood for tests, putting in or taking out a Foley catheter etc.
It's basically terrible because the agency workers have their jobs divided into compartments. Legal liability insurance allows only HHAs and nurses - usually RNs but also Licensed Practical Nurses - to do hands on help, Companions no.
Usually it is the eldest daughter of the elderly person hiring help for their elderly parent, overseeing the work needed. And often it is the eldest son paying the bill for the eldercare. The agency is usually paid what the hired person gets. If the HHA gets $17 an hour, so does the agency, plus a fee.
There are various eldercare agencies in NYC. Often they have niche areas, like Renewal Care puts a focus on gay elderly clients with memory or dementia issues. ComForCare has a focus on Companions. LifeWorx has a focus on the elderly on the Upper East or Upper West Side. You can google Home Health Agency NYC. Or eldercare NYC. There are some agencies that specialize in offering women who are Irish. Some are underground agencies offering immigrants from the Ukraine. It's an interesting world with all kinds of ethnic divisions.
Medicare Medicaid pays family members to be elder caregivers. That program is called CDPAP. There are agencies that also specialize in CDPAP caregivers. Rates range between $12.50 – $19.09 per hour and $18.75 – $28.63 per overtime hour. This Medicaid program provides services to chronically ill or physically disabled individuals who have a medical need for help with activities of daily living (ADLs) or skilled nursing services.
Then there are rogue caregivers like myself, who you find out by word of mouth, on FaceBook in caregivers groups, on online websites, like Care.com. Here is my profile there:
https://www.care.com/p/victoriab6398/sc
The rogue caregivers may be associated with an agency for part time work but they usually are hired by word of mouth. A fellow Mefite kindly informed me of this AskMe question via FaceBook Messenger because he knows I'm a rogue elder caregiver.
Rogue caregivers do basically everything necessary, some more than others. This includes companionship, hands on work changing adult diapers, bathing, medication supervision, cooking, cleaning, laundry, personal assisting with paperwork, accompanying the elder to doctors, doing errands, reporting back to the family member.
There are rogue caregivers who may work for cash, $100 for a 24 hour shift, often illegal aliens but also citizens too. They might be hired via CraigsList, for example.
I have several rogue elder caregiver friends, who work from $20 to $40 an hour. Caucasian elder caregivers on the Upper East or Upper West Side usually made $40 an hour and up. They usually work in 8 to 12 hour shifts. Some work live in, others do not. The shifts are divided into daytime shifts, night time shifts, weekday shifts, weekend shifts. Usually there are 2 to 3 caregivers per client, dividing the shifts.
So those are some of the options and backstories about eldercare available in NYC.
So that's it in a nutshell. Hoping it's a little helpful.
posted by nickyskye at 9:08 AM on October 11, 2021 [31 favorites]
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posted by Bella Donna at 2:36 PM on October 10, 2021