Who was this "difficult child" expert from the late 80s/early 90s?
October 1, 2021 6:22 PM Subscribe
Back in the early 90s when my brother was around 14, he went to live with some relatives who attempted to manage his behavior issues using a method that involved taking away all privileges and the child earning them back with acceptable behavior.
This technique was being advised in at least one parenting book that was popular at the time, aimed at parents of children with frustrating behavioral issues. The gist of the technique was that as a parent you only owed your child the barest of necessities, and any further comforts were to be considered privileges that the child could lose or earn back, depending on their behavior.
For example, when privileges were restricted, the child was to be given only basic nutritious food such as a peanut butter sandwich. If they wanted to eat a hot home-cooked meal with the rest of the family, they had to earn it by complying with behavioral demands. Having personal belongings in their room, other than a bed, pillow and blanket, was also a privilege. I believe they also mentioned things like clothing, etc. Basically anything beyond the barest plainest necessity could be used as a privilege to leverage better behavior.
It promised near-miraculous changes in the child's behavior. When it was tried on my brother, he ran away from the home after a few weeks rather than do the thing they were trying to get him to do (homework, I think.)
I know this sounds absolutely terrible, and I agree. It was aimed at parents who were desperate, and I know that for awhile it was talked about a lot in the behavior-disordered parenting community. I considered trying it myself at the time but being ADHD myself, lacked the ability to provide the structure and consistency the approach demanded. For a long time I felt like I might be a bad parent for not being able to follow through with the advice. (I no longer feel that way and I'm SO glad I didn't try it!)
I'm trying to remember the author that advocated this approach. I remember other hard-assed disciplinarian experts of the time such as John Rosemond and James Dobson, but I don't think this particular technique was theirs. Any idea who I'm remembering?
This technique was being advised in at least one parenting book that was popular at the time, aimed at parents of children with frustrating behavioral issues. The gist of the technique was that as a parent you only owed your child the barest of necessities, and any further comforts were to be considered privileges that the child could lose or earn back, depending on their behavior.
For example, when privileges were restricted, the child was to be given only basic nutritious food such as a peanut butter sandwich. If they wanted to eat a hot home-cooked meal with the rest of the family, they had to earn it by complying with behavioral demands. Having personal belongings in their room, other than a bed, pillow and blanket, was also a privilege. I believe they also mentioned things like clothing, etc. Basically anything beyond the barest plainest necessity could be used as a privilege to leverage better behavior.
It promised near-miraculous changes in the child's behavior. When it was tried on my brother, he ran away from the home after a few weeks rather than do the thing they were trying to get him to do (homework, I think.)
I know this sounds absolutely terrible, and I agree. It was aimed at parents who were desperate, and I know that for awhile it was talked about a lot in the behavior-disordered parenting community. I considered trying it myself at the time but being ADHD myself, lacked the ability to provide the structure and consistency the approach demanded. For a long time I felt like I might be a bad parent for not being able to follow through with the advice. (I no longer feel that way and I'm SO glad I didn't try it!)
I'm trying to remember the author that advocated this approach. I remember other hard-assed disciplinarian experts of the time such as John Rosemond and James Dobson, but I don't think this particular technique was theirs. Any idea who I'm remembering?
Here's one time he recommended something similar to what you're describing for a 17 year old.
posted by fritley at 6:31 PM on October 1, 2021
posted by fritley at 6:31 PM on October 1, 2021
Response by poster: Yes, John Rosemond is very cringe-worthy and in the linked article he is advocating the technique I described, but I don't think he's the guy I'm thinking of. I seem to remember people referring to it as the "_______ technique" (whatever the guy's name was) and I feel fairly sure it wasn't Rosemond.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:37 PM on October 1, 2021
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:37 PM on October 1, 2021
I remember there being some kind of formal (books, classes, Phil Donahue episodes) "Tough Love" movement in the second half of the 80s.
On preview: I think Dr. Spock was out of fashion by the 70s. I was a Dr. Spock kid born in the late 60s to an older (30) mom and I definitely had different style of parenting than my friends who had younger parents that managed to catch a piece of the changes wrought through the hippies and whoever took Dr. Spock's place.
posted by rhizome at 6:47 PM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
On preview: I think Dr. Spock was out of fashion by the 70s. I was a Dr. Spock kid born in the late 60s to an older (30) mom and I definitely had different style of parenting than my friends who had younger parents that managed to catch a piece of the changes wrought through the hippies and whoever took Dr. Spock's place.
posted by rhizome at 6:47 PM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Tough Love, the program and the book by Phyllis and David York sounds like a match to me. The book came out in 1985 and the program was embraced by a lot of authoritarian parents.
As I recall the program it suggested such things as not buying designer jeans for your kids unless they earned them, but sticking to basic K-mart home brand jeans, not buying fast food, but sticking to home cooked meals and things like that. I have no doubt that different people would have interpreted the program in different ways so that in some cases it would have involved extreme deprivation, and in others merely some limitations on the flow of consumer goods and privileges.
posted by Jane the Brown at 7:50 PM on October 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
As I recall the program it suggested such things as not buying designer jeans for your kids unless they earned them, but sticking to basic K-mart home brand jeans, not buying fast food, but sticking to home cooked meals and things like that. I have no doubt that different people would have interpreted the program in different ways so that in some cases it would have involved extreme deprivation, and in others merely some limitations on the flow of consumer goods and privileges.
posted by Jane the Brown at 7:50 PM on October 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: I know it wasn't Tough Love, although it sounds very similar. The technique was definitely referred to by a guy's name and I'm positive it wasn't York.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 8:48 PM on October 1, 2021
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 8:48 PM on October 1, 2021
Ouch this brings back some memories. My parents tried this with me and unfortunately I don’t know the name of the strategy or person but I do remember that they didn’t even think you were entitled to have a door to you room? Maybe that will help someone remember what it was called!
posted by pairofshades at 8:54 PM on October 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by pairofshades at 8:54 PM on October 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
Sounds like a James Dobson thing.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:56 PM on October 1, 2021
posted by warriorqueen at 8:56 PM on October 1, 2021
Oops sorry, comprehension fail!
posted by warriorqueen at 9:03 PM on October 1, 2021
posted by warriorqueen at 9:03 PM on October 1, 2021
It is, perhaps, once again time to talk about The Wheel.
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:19 PM on October 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:19 PM on October 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
Nancy Thomas "advises withholding quantities or varieties of food in response to undesired child behavior-- for example, providing only peanut butter sandwiches and milk rather than regular meals" is mentioned in Jean Mercer's Childmyths blog in a 2015 post.
posted by readinghippo at 10:10 PM on October 1, 2021
posted by readinghippo at 10:10 PM on October 1, 2021
Response by poster: Hmm, none of the above are ringing a bell as being the specific person I'm thinking of, even though they are all on the same page. It is possible I'm misremembering it as being someone separate from the above.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:02 AM on October 2, 2021
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:02 AM on October 2, 2021
Could it have been Ivar Lovaas, psychologist from UCLA? He invented Applied Behaviour Analysis (still used on autistic kids) and its offshoot conversion therapy (used on gay or gender-nonconforming kids and now being outlawed in some jurisdictions).
posted by heatherlogan at 6:58 AM on October 2, 2021
posted by heatherlogan at 6:58 AM on October 2, 2021
Wowww, my parents did this as well (although it didn’t extend to food or mealtimes). They too took away my bedroom door at one point, saying, “Privacy is a privilege.” Everything in our house was “a privilege.” I thought it was just their own personal warped brand of childrearing but it’s entirely possible one of them found it in a book so I’ll be watching the replies with interest.
posted by anderjen at 7:07 AM on October 2, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by anderjen at 7:07 AM on October 2, 2021 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: Definitely not Lovaas.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:11 AM on October 2, 2021
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:11 AM on October 2, 2021
Ezzo method?
Link, link. They were most popular for their advice about disciplining babies (?!) on their feeding, but also had literature on older kids.
posted by neda at 9:47 AM on October 2, 2021
Link, link. They were most popular for their advice about disciplining babies (?!) on their feeding, but also had literature on older kids.
posted by neda at 9:47 AM on October 2, 2021
Not a direct answer to your question, but the methodology reminded me of a watered down version of the Elan school. Elan's methodology is based of the teachings of the cult of Synanon. I bet there is a connection between the person your looking for and elan/synanon. It might be a thread to pull if you don't find an answer.
posted by phil at 10:32 AM on October 2, 2021
posted by phil at 10:32 AM on October 2, 2021
This is a thing enough that "privacy is a privilege" is a meme about abusive parents in the /r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit. There might be answers in there somewhere.
"pRiVaCy iS a PriViLEge!" -- Did anyone else's parents take your bedroom door away as punishment?
posted by snuffleupagus at 12:26 PM on October 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
"pRiVaCy iS a PriViLEge!" -- Did anyone else's parents take your bedroom door away as punishment?
posted by snuffleupagus at 12:26 PM on October 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
My NMom used to take everything away from me (including my bedsheets) and then made me "earn" them back one at a time. That's probably not a normal parenting thing, is it?
"Achievment Place Treatment Program" from the report
Street Crime in America: Hearings, Ninety-third Congress (1973)
The Token Reinforcement System
It is best if discipline can be maintained without reducing the quality of social interaction and instruction which is required if the child is to achieve stable and normal behavioral adjustment He must be able to describe and discuss his own reactions and to understand the reasoning of others regarding rules and discipline In order to accomplish this task a token economy is used in Achievement Place to aid and speed up the job of re socialization.
The token economy or the point system as the boys call it may be used for discipline while the social relationship between the parent and child goes undamaged The point system is also used to strengthen appropriate behavior to insure that it will occur more often. If a youth on the point system returns late he knows the penalty before walking in the door. Almost all behaviors which earn or lose points are formalized and advertised on a bulletin board. Thus there is no argument over the youth's behavior. The fine is delivered but it is not necessary for anger to be expressed Normal relationships never need to be interrupted. The teaching parent may have his arm around the boy's shoulder and be discussing how the boy can earn back the lost points at the same time discipline is being delivered. If a specific fine is too large it can simply be reduced It is difficult to do that if harsh words or spankings enter into the discipline.
In current search results the phrase "earn back privileges" is ubiquitous in anything that promotes any kind of behavior modification style of discipline, although there seems to be some some extra crossover with explicitly "Christian" or "biblical" or "traditional" "family values" parenting content.
It also turns up in jail and prison inmate rules and training standards.
posted by snuffleupagus at 12:45 PM on October 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
"Achievment Place Treatment Program" from the report
Street Crime in America: Hearings, Ninety-third Congress (1973)
The Token Reinforcement System
It is best if discipline can be maintained without reducing the quality of social interaction and instruction which is required if the child is to achieve stable and normal behavioral adjustment He must be able to describe and discuss his own reactions and to understand the reasoning of others regarding rules and discipline In order to accomplish this task a token economy is used in Achievement Place to aid and speed up the job of re socialization.
The token economy or the point system as the boys call it may be used for discipline while the social relationship between the parent and child goes undamaged The point system is also used to strengthen appropriate behavior to insure that it will occur more often. If a youth on the point system returns late he knows the penalty before walking in the door. Almost all behaviors which earn or lose points are formalized and advertised on a bulletin board. Thus there is no argument over the youth's behavior. The fine is delivered but it is not necessary for anger to be expressed Normal relationships never need to be interrupted. The teaching parent may have his arm around the boy's shoulder and be discussing how the boy can earn back the lost points at the same time discipline is being delivered. If a specific fine is too large it can simply be reduced It is difficult to do that if harsh words or spankings enter into the discipline.
In current search results the phrase "earn back privileges" is ubiquitous in anything that promotes any kind of behavior modification style of discipline, although there seems to be some some extra crossover with explicitly "Christian" or "biblical" or "traditional" "family values" parenting content.
It also turns up in jail and prison inmate rules and training standards.
posted by snuffleupagus at 12:45 PM on October 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
Michael and Debi Pearl are probably too late, I think, but they've not been mentioned yet.
posted by jocelmeow at 4:38 PM on October 2, 2021
posted by jocelmeow at 4:38 PM on October 2, 2021
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posted by fritley at 6:26 PM on October 1, 2021 [2 favorites]