I'm sorry
July 23, 2021 12:18 PM Subscribe
What is an alternative way to say "sorry" in this context: "I'm sorry to hear that you tripped and broke your favorite mug." Basically, sorry used to connote empathy.
I regret to hear…
It sucks that…
I heard you broke… That’s too bad.
Oh, no! And such a great mug, too!
Some may work better with some people than others.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:20 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
It sucks that…
I heard you broke… That’s too bad.
Oh, no! And such a great mug, too!
Some may work better with some people than others.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:20 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
I was disappointed by the news of your trip and fall and subsequent broken mug.
posted by AugustWest at 12:45 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by AugustWest at 12:45 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Also: "Better the mug than you."
posted by phunniemee at 12:45 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 12:45 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
for really bad things, like untimely death of a loved one: we/I grieve with you.
for the mug: oh no, aw geez that sucks, ugh that's the worst, oh that's too bad, that's awful, etc.
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:45 PM on July 23, 2021
for the mug: oh no, aw geez that sucks, ugh that's the worst, oh that's too bad, that's awful, etc.
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:45 PM on July 23, 2021
"Oh no!" and corresponding sad-face is my usual here.
posted by jabes at 12:46 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by jabes at 12:46 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
In Canada, we just go with sorry anyways - because that's what we mean - we are empathizing with someone, not taking blame or responsibility... It can make for some cultural hijinks when we travel abroad.
posted by rozcakj at 12:46 PM on July 23, 2021 [19 favorites]
posted by rozcakj at 12:46 PM on July 23, 2021 [19 favorites]
'That’s terrible! I'd be lost without my favorite mug.' And I would, as a matter of fact.
posted by jamjam at 12:51 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by jamjam at 12:51 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
"I'm sad to hear" or "It's sad to hear" works most places "I'm sorry to hear" does, and seems less objectionable to the people who insist "sorry" must always be an admission of guilt.
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:53 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:53 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
I was disappointed by the news of your trip and fall and subsequent broken mug.
Technically correct, but I'd be careful with this phrasing. People often associate disappointment with personal failing, so you could come across as judging them personally: disappointed with them, not just disappointed in the situation.
posted by Special Agent Dale Cooper at 1:21 PM on July 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
Technically correct, but I'd be careful with this phrasing. People often associate disappointment with personal failing, so you could come across as judging them personally: disappointed with them, not just disappointed in the situation.
posted by Special Agent Dale Cooper at 1:21 PM on July 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
As another person who defaults to “I’m sorry” (and who admittedly suppresses an eye-roll when people obtusely say “it isn’t YOUR fault!”) I’ve found it helps to add to hear that or for you as a qualifier, and also to preface with some specific wistfulness.
E.g., your beloved 1995 Oldsmobile Aurora died in the heat on the freeway? “Oh, that car was a classic! I’m so bummed for you.”
Your customized paint-your-own pottery survived an earthquake, only to succumb to your own clumsiness a week later? “I remember seeing that on your Instagram. It was so pretty! I’m sorry to hear this.”
You got oily dressing all over your best blouse? “Oh, not the star-collar shell! That was so gorgeous. I’m sad on your behalf.”
Speaking as an accident-prone person: if you sense the person would like to hear that they aren’t alone in being a klutz/poor planner, you can add an “I’ve been there” as well.
posted by armeowda at 1:24 PM on July 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
E.g., your beloved 1995 Oldsmobile Aurora died in the heat on the freeway? “Oh, that car was a classic! I’m so bummed for you.”
Your customized paint-your-own pottery survived an earthquake, only to succumb to your own clumsiness a week later? “I remember seeing that on your Instagram. It was so pretty! I’m sorry to hear this.”
You got oily dressing all over your best blouse? “Oh, not the star-collar shell! That was so gorgeous. I’m sad on your behalf.”
Speaking as an accident-prone person: if you sense the person would like to hear that they aren’t alone in being a klutz/poor planner, you can add an “I’ve been there” as well.
posted by armeowda at 1:24 PM on July 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
Canadian "I'm sorry"-er here, but when I need to make the distinction, I usually say "I was saddened to hear..." in formal situations, and "ugh, that's awful/that sucks," in less formal ones.
posted by rpfields at 1:28 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by rpfields at 1:28 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
That is such a bummer.
posted by maxg94 at 1:38 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by maxg94 at 1:38 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Oh no.
Oh nooooo!
Oh dear.
Oh, that totally sucks.
Oof.
Ugh, that's the worst.
Sheer misery.
Bah!
What more must be endured?
posted by bluedaisy at 1:50 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
Oh nooooo!
Oh dear.
Oh, that totally sucks.
Oof.
Ugh, that's the worst.
Sheer misery.
Bah!
What more must be endured?
posted by bluedaisy at 1:50 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
I hate to hear that… or I hated to hear that…
posted by MadamM at 1:59 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by MadamM at 1:59 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
This is exactly what "Bummer, dude" is for
posted by The otter lady at 2:22 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by The otter lady at 2:22 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
The formal version of this is, "My condolences on the loss of your mug." You can also try, "I was dismayed to hear about what happened to you..." if you want an alternative to "I was sorry to hear..." or "I was sad to hear..."
posted by Jane the Brown at 3:10 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Jane the Brown at 3:10 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
"I'm saddened to hear of your misfortune. Did the mug have any special meaning for you that you can share with me?"
posted by zaixfeep at 3:29 PM on July 23, 2021
posted by zaixfeep at 3:29 PM on July 23, 2021
"Bless your heart" but not in a condescending way would be the Southern expression.
posted by bradbane at 4:02 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by bradbane at 4:02 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
I think it depends who it is, your relationship with them, how serious the issue is, the medium of communication, and the tone you choose to use based on these factors. I think expressing sympathy and empathy is one of the most complex areas of emotional communication. A lot of getting it right lies in observing how the other person is cueing you to respond, as well as using your prior knowledge of them, so it's very hard to give a single phrase to cover it.
I think just stating the significance is probably the most versatile approach. For relatively minor but still upsetting things "That's really sad" can be good. You can add an "Oh no!" before it, with some people.
For serious things with people who I don't know well, or in a professional setting (for example clients telling me about personal trauma) I will tend to use a very direct style, and state my honest impression of the scale of the challenge or impact of the event in the simplest language possible. I try to make clear that I'm speaking subjectively, using "That sounds like..." or "I think..." or something similar. This approach focuses on empathy, rather than sympathy. I think that when people say "it's not your fault", quite often it's less driven by misplaced pedantry or plain misunderstanding than by discomfort at an expression of sympathy. Using factual empathetic language can be a good way to show you care without making people feel like they're the object of pity. Tone makes a big difference here. A factual tone is usually better than an emotive one.
A sympathetic tone can work in some cases, however, especially if leavened with a sort of gentle jocularity. This works better when you have an ongoing relationship of trust. "You poor old thing" is the approach my Nana would have used for minor misfortunes, and I use it sometimes, even though she would be over 100 now, so it's possibly not the most up to date approach. You should probably drop the old unless you're sure of the person, and you can also drop it to increase the seriousness of commiseration. As a rule of thumb, the closer the relationship, the more you can increase the jocularity of the phrasing and the emotiveness of the tone. So "You poor old sausage/stick" can be used as a variation with people you are close to. "Your poor mug!" can work too, in similar circumstances.
My grandpa, being Lancastrian, would just have said "Oh love!" in a despondent tone. You can insert your culturally appropriate term of endearment instead of "love". This can be a sort of all purpose emotional response by just changing the tone.
"Well...that fucking sucks/is a load of shit/is a pain in the arse/is an utter ballache/is total bullshit" is the profane approach, which works if you have that sort of relationship already, and which some prickly people respond well to. The tone here is usually a sort of deadpan emphatic annoyance.
posted by howfar at 4:32 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
I think just stating the significance is probably the most versatile approach. For relatively minor but still upsetting things "That's really sad" can be good. You can add an "Oh no!" before it, with some people.
For serious things with people who I don't know well, or in a professional setting (for example clients telling me about personal trauma) I will tend to use a very direct style, and state my honest impression of the scale of the challenge or impact of the event in the simplest language possible. I try to make clear that I'm speaking subjectively, using "That sounds like..." or "I think..." or something similar. This approach focuses on empathy, rather than sympathy. I think that when people say "it's not your fault", quite often it's less driven by misplaced pedantry or plain misunderstanding than by discomfort at an expression of sympathy. Using factual empathetic language can be a good way to show you care without making people feel like they're the object of pity. Tone makes a big difference here. A factual tone is usually better than an emotive one.
A sympathetic tone can work in some cases, however, especially if leavened with a sort of gentle jocularity. This works better when you have an ongoing relationship of trust. "You poor old thing" is the approach my Nana would have used for minor misfortunes, and I use it sometimes, even though she would be over 100 now, so it's possibly not the most up to date approach. You should probably drop the old unless you're sure of the person, and you can also drop it to increase the seriousness of commiseration. As a rule of thumb, the closer the relationship, the more you can increase the jocularity of the phrasing and the emotiveness of the tone. So "You poor old sausage/stick" can be used as a variation with people you are close to. "Your poor mug!" can work too, in similar circumstances.
My grandpa, being Lancastrian, would just have said "Oh love!" in a despondent tone. You can insert your culturally appropriate term of endearment instead of "love". This can be a sort of all purpose emotional response by just changing the tone.
"Well...that fucking sucks/is a load of shit/is a pain in the arse/is an utter ballache/is total bullshit" is the profane approach, which works if you have that sort of relationship already, and which some prickly people respond well to. The tone here is usually a sort of deadpan emphatic annoyance.
posted by howfar at 4:32 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
"nooo! Oh man, you loved that mug!!"
posted by potrzebie at 5:26 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by potrzebie at 5:26 PM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
Ah, that's so unfortunate!
That's what I've been saying recently.
posted by limeonaire at 5:30 PM on July 23, 2021
That's what I've been saying recently.
posted by limeonaire at 5:30 PM on July 23, 2021
Kiswahili has a word for exactly this - pole (pronounced poll-ay). Or pole sana for I’m very sorry for you.
I lived in Tanzania for a short while and found it really useful, something about how sincere it is. The group of English native speakers I was living with picked it up and used it often. We agreed there is a need for a word for this.
posted by Erinaceus europaeus at 6:19 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
I lived in Tanzania for a short while and found it really useful, something about how sincere it is. The group of English native speakers I was living with picked it up and used it often. We agreed there is a need for a word for this.
posted by Erinaceus europaeus at 6:19 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Something that demonstrates empathy. "It's miserable when you break or lose something that you had really developed an attachment to."
"It sounds like that was something you loved and had happy memories about."
posted by Miko at 7:22 PM on July 23, 2021
"It sounds like that was something you loved and had happy memories about."
posted by Miko at 7:22 PM on July 23, 2021
"I'm sorry to hear that" is empathy when you're not to blame (and so are not apologising)
posted by tillsbury at 8:59 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by tillsbury at 8:59 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
For perhaps more serious situations than a broken mug I say, “that’s really hard,” possibly followed up with an offer of help.
posted by rip at 9:20 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by rip at 9:20 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
"Well, dang it!"
"Gee, that's awful!"
"I'm so sorry to hear that!"
"Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"
"Wow, I remember that mug. I liked it, too."
"Well, that's messed up. Sheesh."
"I guess you couldn't repair it, huh?"
"Have you tried replacing it? Ebay? Anything?"
"Umm... did you at least glue it together and take a picture before you threw it away?"
"You are so creative, I'll bet you can do an awesome art piece out of it."
"Do you need a hug?"
"What can I do to help?"
"Well, bless your heart!"
posted by TrishaU at 10:26 PM on July 23, 2021
"Gee, that's awful!"
"I'm so sorry to hear that!"
"Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"
"Wow, I remember that mug. I liked it, too."
"Well, that's messed up. Sheesh."
"I guess you couldn't repair it, huh?"
"Have you tried replacing it? Ebay? Anything?"
"Umm... did you at least glue it together and take a picture before you threw it away?"
"You are so creative, I'll bet you can do an awesome art piece out of it."
"Do you need a hug?"
"What can I do to help?"
"Well, bless your heart!"
posted by TrishaU at 10:26 PM on July 23, 2021
I'm not suggesting "harsh realm!"
posted by away for regrooving at 11:32 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by away for regrooving at 11:32 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
"You must be upset." Shows understanding of their feelings (or an educated guess thereto) and is typically a good conversation opener to let them tell you how they feel.
posted by How much is that froggie in the window at 1:11 AM on July 24, 2021
posted by How much is that froggie in the window at 1:11 AM on July 24, 2021
The context isn’t clear, and context makes a big difference here. Also unclear of the broken mug is a generic example for language purposes or indicative of the sort of situation contemplated by your query.
If it’s an item like a mug, something like, “Oh no, your favorite mug! That’s terrible!” should suffice when you’re present and “I heard you broke your favorite mug. That’s awful. You must be upset.” after the fact. For something more serious, “I was so sad to hear about your Fabergé egg breaking. I’m sure that must be very upsetting. How are you doing?”
posted by slkinsey at 5:55 AM on July 24, 2021
If it’s an item like a mug, something like, “Oh no, your favorite mug! That’s terrible!” should suffice when you’re present and “I heard you broke your favorite mug. That’s awful. You must be upset.” after the fact. For something more serious, “I was so sad to hear about your Fabergé egg breaking. I’m sure that must be very upsetting. How are you doing?”
posted by slkinsey at 5:55 AM on July 24, 2021
Erinaceus europaeus, "pole" is one of the most perfect inventions of our species.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 4:56 PM on July 24, 2021
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 4:56 PM on July 24, 2021
Depending on the friend, "Do you want me to get mad? Would that help?"
Otherwise, "Oh no!"
posted by emelenjr at 5:24 AM on July 25, 2021
Otherwise, "Oh no!"
posted by emelenjr at 5:24 AM on July 25, 2021
"Oh [no], what a [shame | pity]!"
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 2:16 AM on July 26, 2021
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 2:16 AM on July 26, 2021
This thread is closed to new comments.
"Oh, that's terrible!"
"Ooof!" (With a cringe-y/pained facial expression.)
posted by Nightman at 12:20 PM on July 23, 2021 [9 favorites]