Roast Material

March 28, 2006 11:48 AM

I'm going to be participating in a bachelor party roast in a week and a half and need some supplementary material.

Obviously a great roasting of someone would be both personal and hurtful, but besides that, what are some good generic, fail-safe insults that I can hurl around? I'm thinking of that Jerry Stiller Roast where Jeffrey Ross said "I wouldn't fuck Sandra Bernhardt with Bea Arthur's dick." That's hilarious. Anyway, anyone done a little roast like this before? Advice? Suggestions? Good one-liners? Thanks.

posted by billysumday to Grab Bag (3 answers total)

We had something similar for seniors in my fraternity and I wrote a poem for each (when I was a junior) and it certainly proved to be unique and entertaining to the crowd. All sorts of room for cleverly disguised shots and vulgarity. so if poetry and rhyming comes naturally, there's a suggestion for ya.
posted by mic stand at 1:00 PM on March 28, 2006

We recently threw a going-away party for a friend, but didn't want to be the only ones to participate when it came time to roast him. Instead, we had the party guests fill out a quiz about our friend and read the anwers out loud. The funniest and most correct answers won a prize. The quiz included questions like "What disease most represents _____'s personality?" or "How would ____ kill someone and where would he hide?"

We ended up with the appropriate level of meanness and a lot of really great one-liners.
posted by Alison at 1:35 PM on March 28, 2006

This and this might be the kind of thing that'll help. And yeah, try to find those friar's club roasts. Years ago there was a late-night commercial for the roasts on VHS -- the Dean Martin-hosted ones, priceless stuff -- but those books should give you a good starting point. Pick the brutal stuff -- the tougher the better. You're right, Dasein, a good roast isn't hurtful. It's homicidal.

And really, is there any time when the level of vulgarity should be inappropriate to the occasion? We only roast the ones we love. And for anyone who wants to show their love for billysumday's buddy, there's a tub of crisco, a baseball glove, and a tube sock in the basement. A hundred dollars and my niece's virginity for anyone who can guess what the tube sock is for, a thousand bucks and my nephew's virginity for guessing about the baseball glove.
posted by incessant at 6:15 PM on March 28, 2006