I'm 26 now, so it has been a few years since I've decided to start doing something about my performance anxiety. It was in fact at the age of 17 when I first learnt about my problems with anxiety in general. Of course I was too young previously to really recognise what was actually going on with my mind and body. Plus, I had self-medicated on a cocktail of illegal drugs for years in a lame attempt to control whatever I thought was happening to me. But, um, more on that later.
Anyway, I'm off drugs now. Have been since I detoxed almost ten years ago. Yeah, just don't need them. But I'm basically at the point in my life now where I feel like I've tried almost anything to control my issues when it comes to the simple act of enjoying intimacy. Just to put it in perspective, though, this is what I've tried throughout the past years:
1. I've gone so far as to use opiates to control my levels of anxiety. Injecting heroin and taking other forms of the drug works awesome, although it's hardly something one can maintain. I wish I could though. Really.
2. I've been taking prescription drugs (as prescribed by a psychiatrist) for years. They seem to work well in controlling obsessive compulsive behaviour, but they don't seem to do much for me when it actually comes to having fulfilled sex experiences.
3. About two years ago I had a short but highly intimate relationship with a lovely young woman. I actually opened up to her about my sexual anxiety issues early on in our relationship. This actually seemed to work well for me. In fact I can't remember a relationship I've had that felt so non affected by the bullshit that often fucks with my head. I can remember her words to me when I told her. She said, "Well, I guess we'll just have to have lots and lots of practice then." Such a cool chick. And sex was good.
4. I remember when I was with my ex ex ex girlfriend that we visited a men's sex clinic. It was kind of weird there, though, because all they did was give my a few copies of masturbation and sex exercises to try by myself and with my partner at the time. That didn't last long. I was only young though.
5. Lastly, I seem to fuck really well after I've been drinking. Not severely pissed, but a short time after. Not sure why this is, but I achieve a desired result regardless. Again, this isn't an ideal solution either.
So, I'm actually in a new relationship right now. We've slept together a few times. Our first, second, third (well, you get the idea) times were actually a sexual marathon, lasting a good couple of days. That was, of course, fuelled partly by alcohol, which suited me fine. Just this weekend, however, my partner stayed over at mine for the first time. We tried sex at night, but my anxiety forced me to ejaculate prematurely. We even tried in the morning, too, and still the same result. Yes, premature ejaculation is the basic result of my performance anxiety. It has always been this and nothing else.
And yes I've fucking rambled on. Can't help but feel lost amid a barrage of
try this and
do that options though. Again, I'm at a point where I'm willing to try anything (other than the methods above). Really, though, right now it's about just getting some spontaneity back with my sex life. Sorry to sound crude, but I just want to fuck like most other guys my age do (without the psychological bullshit). Please, list anything and everything. I won't be surprised or shocked at whatever feedback this post receives.
Anonymous comments can be sent to
want2ben0rmal@gmail.com. Thanks for reading.
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I've had different anxiety problems in bed, but found that if the woman I was with accepted the situation and worked with me regardless, that after enough time with her I was much more comfortable with the intimacy, and the problem goes away on it's own.
But if there is a big deal about your performance, and your erection / ejaculation is the big central part of the show, then it becomes a negative feedback loop and the problem gets worse.
Hope this helps, happy humping.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:13 PM on March 12, 2006