Help me find a self-help book for my unconfident friend!

March 12, 2006 10:34 AM

I have a chronically un-confident friend. I would like to find him a self-help book to teach him how to have more self-esteem.

The issues stem from anxiety about his looks (he's very attractive but thinks that everyone is just patronizing him when they tell him so), his sexuality (he's never come to terms with being gay), and probably whatever issues are associated with having an identical twin (one that he thinks is better looking and cooler than him, although that's not the case). He's 21 years old and he's agreed to read whatever I send him.

posted by BuddhaInABucket to human relations (3 answers total)

It sounds like he might benefit from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which is apparently best taken from a trained coach. However, books like this one can definitely help you get a handle on your negative thoughts.

I don't suffer like your friend does, but there was a situation that caused me acute embarrassment. CBT techniques helped me identify several emotional distortions in my thinking and thereafter, it just didn't seem like so big a deal.
posted by godawful at 10:44 AM on March 12, 2006

Confidence comes from self-esteem so I would suggest:

Six Pillars of Self Esteem
by
Nathaniel Branden
posted by bigmusic at 1:59 PM on March 12, 2006

What godawful said. I first encountered that book over a decade ago when my aunt whose a psychologist recommended it. It changed everything. Your friend must follow the book religiously.
posted by Ironmouth at 5:23 PM on March 12, 2006