I may not DRINK like an alcoholic, but I THINK like one
March 19, 2019 1:57 PM Subscribe
For year's I've used alcohol in moderation, but almost every day. Now that I'm not drinking, I'd like to find resources and support that help me change the ways I think, act, and cope with difficult feelings. I'm looking for memoirs, novels, self-help books, etc. about what it means to live in "sobriety" - but defined more broadly that simply abstaining from alcohol.
For many years I've been a daily drinker, but have rarely drunk to excess. My pattern is typically one or two glasses of wine every night. In college and my early twenties I was the classic binge drinker, which (at the time) seemed appropriate for my age and life stage.
Now, I am experimenting with not drinking. I haven't had a drink in ten weeks. It's not too difficult to abstain, but I am finding it hard to cope with stress (the lifelong, chronic, rooted-in-childhood-trauma kind of stress) and manage my difficult feelings without alcohol. I am in therapy.
My main reason for stopping drinking is to learn to feel my feelings. I'm also becoming aware that even when I don't get drunk, I think like an alcoholic. Not just the way I think about alcohol (as in, I hardly ever turn down a drink), but the way I think and approach my life in general. I look for solutions outside myself; I blame others habitually; I chronically avoid feeling grief, anger, and sadness; I've always felt like there was something wrong with me or some rule book everyone got a copy of and I didn't... I learned a lot about myself by reading Caroline Knapp's Drinking: A Love Story. While I don't drink as heavily as Knapp did, a lot of her psychological and emotional life resonated with me.
I'd like to find resources - particularly books but I'm open to other ideas - that focus on recovery in terms of how people think, act, and live. I don't need resources about how to avoid drinking, but about how to live well without the numbing and illusion of safety and support I used to find in alcohol. Thanks for your recommendations!
For many years I've been a daily drinker, but have rarely drunk to excess. My pattern is typically one or two glasses of wine every night. In college and my early twenties I was the classic binge drinker, which (at the time) seemed appropriate for my age and life stage.
Now, I am experimenting with not drinking. I haven't had a drink in ten weeks. It's not too difficult to abstain, but I am finding it hard to cope with stress (the lifelong, chronic, rooted-in-childhood-trauma kind of stress) and manage my difficult feelings without alcohol. I am in therapy.
My main reason for stopping drinking is to learn to feel my feelings. I'm also becoming aware that even when I don't get drunk, I think like an alcoholic. Not just the way I think about alcohol (as in, I hardly ever turn down a drink), but the way I think and approach my life in general. I look for solutions outside myself; I blame others habitually; I chronically avoid feeling grief, anger, and sadness; I've always felt like there was something wrong with me or some rule book everyone got a copy of and I didn't... I learned a lot about myself by reading Caroline Knapp's Drinking: A Love Story. While I don't drink as heavily as Knapp did, a lot of her psychological and emotional life resonated with me.
I'd like to find resources - particularly books but I'm open to other ideas - that focus on recovery in terms of how people think, act, and live. I don't need resources about how to avoid drinking, but about how to live well without the numbing and illusion of safety and support I used to find in alcohol. Thanks for your recommendations!
This Naked Mind. I don't recommend any others though some memoirs are entertaining.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 2:31 PM on March 19, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 2:31 PM on March 19, 2019 [1 favorite]
Best answer: You may like the blog Hip Sobriety. Maybe start with this post.
posted by yawper at 5:41 PM on March 19, 2019
posted by yawper at 5:41 PM on March 19, 2019
You have probably already heard of her, but Brene Brown is great for the feeling your feelings thing. I found her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, helpful. She has a chapter about "taking the edge off" that sounds like it is relevant to what you are going through.
I have found Heather Havrilesky's writing in the Ask Polly column to be valuable for insights and self-reflective ideas. She has a couple of books out but I haven't read them.
posted by arachnidette at 7:34 AM on March 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
I have found Heather Havrilesky's writing in the Ask Polly column to be valuable for insights and self-reflective ideas. She has a couple of books out but I haven't read them.
posted by arachnidette at 7:34 AM on March 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Best answer: You have awareness and are on your way to healing and being free from shame/blame.
Was your parent an alcoholic? Their parents? Often we think like alcoholics because we were raised by them. I found Adult Children of Alcoholics enlightening and healing.
Also: Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw and The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck.
Beyond that I like Eckhart Tolle because Tolle explains why misery is not necessary and mind created. We are shaped by our conditioning. Tolle is not a guru. He just disseminates ancient wisdom in a modern, understandable way.
posted by loveandhappiness at 7:50 AM on March 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
Was your parent an alcoholic? Their parents? Often we think like alcoholics because we were raised by them. I found Adult Children of Alcoholics enlightening and healing.
Also: Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw and The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck.
Beyond that I like Eckhart Tolle because Tolle explains why misery is not necessary and mind created. We are shaped by our conditioning. Tolle is not a guru. He just disseminates ancient wisdom in a modern, understandable way.
posted by loveandhappiness at 7:50 AM on March 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
I recommend the workbook Sex, Drugs, Gambling, and Chocolate (link goes to a chapter-by-chapter overview). Hang in there!
posted by acridrabbit at 9:39 AM on March 20, 2019
posted by acridrabbit at 9:39 AM on March 20, 2019
The Recovering, by Leslie Jamison is a book that you should look into.
It weaves her own story, with how alcoholism and recovery have been treated in literature; and by writers who were alcoholics.
There was also a long interview in Rolling Stone talking to musicians who are in recovery; and how they are dealing with being creative while not under the influence anymore.
posted by indianbadger1 at 12:28 PM on March 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
It weaves her own story, with how alcoholism and recovery have been treated in literature; and by writers who were alcoholics.
There was also a long interview in Rolling Stone talking to musicians who are in recovery; and how they are dealing with being creative while not under the influence anymore.
posted by indianbadger1 at 12:28 PM on March 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: These are all fantastic - thank you all for helping me build my list of resources! I'll check them all out.
posted by TrixieRamble at 10:01 AM on March 25, 2019
posted by TrixieRamble at 10:01 AM on March 25, 2019
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