Memories of once-in-a-lifetime job are souring my feelings for new jobs
June 13, 2017 8:13 PM Subscribe
10 years ago, I had a job that made me happy on just about every level. I knew how rare it was, and that it was a "once in a lifetime" situation. After a couple years, things changed at that company, and I've moved on to other jobs. But nowadays, even when I get a good job, I know it's not as great as it could be. I have a hard time feeling truly appreciative, and preventing myself from comparing. Any tips for dealing with this?
My job from a decade ago was incredible in terms of fascinating projects, supportive culture, visionary management, mission that I believed in, coworkers that became lifelong friends, fantastic compensation, great on my resume, fun, etc. I felt really lucky every day. I frequently said in those days that I didn't know how I could find a job like that again.
Over time, the company had management turnover, and the culture & projects changed a lot. Eventually I moved on.
The problem is that nowadays when I work at jobs that are great (but not quite as great as the long-ago job), I always feel like something is missing. I can pinpoint exactly what is missing because I have the comparison point. It's hard to be truly satisfied any more.
I don't want to go through the rest of my life being slightly unfulfilled at work every day. But I've looked at so many jobs over the years, and I just can't find anything that can measure up. Each time I talk to my coworkers from that old job (who are lifelong friends now), they also comment on how nothing can measure up to that experience in our past.
Any suggestions on how to make myself feel more satisfied with current jobs?
My job from a decade ago was incredible in terms of fascinating projects, supportive culture, visionary management, mission that I believed in, coworkers that became lifelong friends, fantastic compensation, great on my resume, fun, etc. I felt really lucky every day. I frequently said in those days that I didn't know how I could find a job like that again.
Over time, the company had management turnover, and the culture & projects changed a lot. Eventually I moved on.
The problem is that nowadays when I work at jobs that are great (but not quite as great as the long-ago job), I always feel like something is missing. I can pinpoint exactly what is missing because I have the comparison point. It's hard to be truly satisfied any more.
I don't want to go through the rest of my life being slightly unfulfilled at work every day. But I've looked at so many jobs over the years, and I just can't find anything that can measure up. Each time I talk to my coworkers from that old job (who are lifelong friends now), they also comment on how nothing can measure up to that experience in our past.
Any suggestions on how to make myself feel more satisfied with current jobs?
Be the change you want to see in the world. You've seen what amazing is. Now how can you embody those amazing experiences for others?
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:32 PM on June 13, 2017
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:32 PM on June 13, 2017
What is important to remember is that you won't just find a job like that. You can't look for one and it just show up. You have to give not-quite-there jobs time to develop into something like it, and you have to do your bit to make it happen.
Here's a clue that you already half know that: "coworkers that became lifelong friends" - do you see what I mean? They became good friends, you didn't just rock up to instant buddies. And I'd be willing to bet it took a little time to find your place there, to get in the right groove, and to really appreciate it.
Also this I've looked at so many jobs over the years, and I just can't find anything that can measure up is like looking on Tindr and thinking well, none of these look like the love of my life - it's a poor reason not to go on some dates!
I mean, it sounds like it happened very smoothly and was a good general fit. But jobs change, people change, you will have changed too, since then. You can't wish for something to be what it was because it never will be again - you take the knowledge of why it was so good forward into your future experiences, and make that something to work towards, not to look for.
posted by greenish at 2:25 AM on June 14, 2017 [5 favorites]
Here's a clue that you already half know that: "coworkers that became lifelong friends" - do you see what I mean? They became good friends, you didn't just rock up to instant buddies. And I'd be willing to bet it took a little time to find your place there, to get in the right groove, and to really appreciate it.
Also this I've looked at so many jobs over the years, and I just can't find anything that can measure up is like looking on Tindr and thinking well, none of these look like the love of my life - it's a poor reason not to go on some dates!
I mean, it sounds like it happened very smoothly and was a good general fit. But jobs change, people change, you will have changed too, since then. You can't wish for something to be what it was because it never will be again - you take the knowledge of why it was so good forward into your future experiences, and make that something to work towards, not to look for.
posted by greenish at 2:25 AM on June 14, 2017 [5 favorites]
I've been going through a similar thing lately, but I'm still at the company. I don't know how old you are, but we're you at this job in your 20s? I've been thinking through my own situation and it seems like work life is different in your 20s. Most people are single, working longer hours, more interested in things like happy hours, and stuff like that. Work and my coworkers were a really big part of my life at the time. I'm not as invested in the work life now like I was then, with a husband and a kid and outside interests. I guess I'm thinking that you can't recapture the magic. But maybe that's just me.
posted by cabingirl at 4:27 AM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by cabingirl at 4:27 AM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Fantastic office cultures are created by a critical mass of people, at all levels within the organization (but especially in management), bringing the best professional versions of themselves to the job. Having experienced one of these, I understand how amazing it is. Just like toxic cultures tend to bring out the worst in people, fantastic cultures bring out and reinforce the best in people.
However, creating and maintaining a culture like this requires a team effort. You can do your part to be the best professional version of yourself you can be (and that always makes a positive difference), but that doesn't mean others are going to be able or willing to reciprocate enough to create a culture of it.
So one of the ways that I manage my expectations with regard to this issue is to understand that it's one of those scenarios where it "takes a village". Another is to understand that fantastic office cultures are uncommon enough that lots of people I will work with have likely never been in one and maybe don't believe that it's possible. So I can continue to advocate (where appropriate) that it is possible and provide organization specific ideas on how to get there.
posted by jazzbaby at 6:15 AM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
However, creating and maintaining a culture like this requires a team effort. You can do your part to be the best professional version of yourself you can be (and that always makes a positive difference), but that doesn't mean others are going to be able or willing to reciprocate enough to create a culture of it.
So one of the ways that I manage my expectations with regard to this issue is to understand that it's one of those scenarios where it "takes a village". Another is to understand that fantastic office cultures are uncommon enough that lots of people I will work with have likely never been in one and maybe don't believe that it's possible. So I can continue to advocate (where appropriate) that it is possible and provide organization specific ideas on how to get there.
posted by jazzbaby at 6:15 AM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Actually, your 'perfect job' wasn't perfect: it didn't have sustainability. Whatever culture was created at the time, it wasn't deep-rooted enough to survive when turnover happened. Whatever awesome projects you were doing, they weren't a sound enough business model to ensure that the company could keep doing those types of projects long term. That job was like a drug trip - intense and beautiful for a little while, but with a big and inevitable letdown looming, even if you didn't know it at the time. So when you're thinking of that job, it's not fair to think of the few moments you had at the peak of the high. You have to take the whole arc you experienced, including the attendant disappointment you must have felt when it slipped away. Taken as a whole, is it STILL that much better than every other job out there?
posted by Ausamor at 6:30 AM on June 14, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by Ausamor at 6:30 AM on June 14, 2017 [8 favorites]
I think a lot of creative types have this problem. It was a great movie, or great play, or whatever that they were part of... But you know that, and you know that some job in the future may be also be great in it's own way. That's not what you asked.
What you did ask was how to deal with it. I think you have to look at your life as a whole. I've had three great jobs, but, overall, a good marriage, 2 great kids, living in a great places were more important. If I needed to work for a couple decades under pretty routine job conditions, that was a small price to pay.
posted by SemiSalt at 6:35 AM on June 14, 2017
What you did ask was how to deal with it. I think you have to look at your life as a whole. I've had three great jobs, but, overall, a good marriage, 2 great kids, living in a great places were more important. If I needed to work for a couple decades under pretty routine job conditions, that was a small price to pay.
posted by SemiSalt at 6:35 AM on June 14, 2017
Best answer: I had a job from 1985 to 1990 that was so great that I literally have had a recurring dream ever since then that I'm hired at a new job that is populated by the entire sevetal hundred people I worked with then. In the dream, I almost always say to someone, "I have literally dreamed of this day." Every damn time I wake up, I'm disappointed. Every time.
A few years ago, the guy that I have been working with now for more than a decade (this job ended about 3 months ago) started showing up in the dreams, as another new hire, which made me kind of sit up and realize that I was in another great job. The decade+ I spent working with him had its ups and downs, but generally was pretty fantastic. I used a lot of the strengths that I had built in the dream job, and more besides. The two jobs were very different, but looking back now, I can see that each was particularly right for me at their time.
Bear in mind that one job began in 1985 and one began in 2005. You won't find your old job again, but if you're open to it, a job that looks completely different may sneak up and surprise you.
posted by janey47 at 7:15 AM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
A few years ago, the guy that I have been working with now for more than a decade (this job ended about 3 months ago) started showing up in the dreams, as another new hire, which made me kind of sit up and realize that I was in another great job. The decade+ I spent working with him had its ups and downs, but generally was pretty fantastic. I used a lot of the strengths that I had built in the dream job, and more besides. The two jobs were very different, but looking back now, I can see that each was particularly right for me at their time.
Bear in mind that one job began in 1985 and one began in 2005. You won't find your old job again, but if you're open to it, a job that looks completely different may sneak up and surprise you.
posted by janey47 at 7:15 AM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
Are you me? I recently moved on from the same type of wonderful job and work atmosphere that I had for 10 years, and I think about it every damn day. What I have to keep telling myself is that I left there for good reasons (I was overworked, I was traveling too much, so the job was definitely not perfect!), and that I'm not the same person that I was when I started there. Much like one of the above posters mentioned, I basically grew up there (from 25 to 35 years old), so of course I have wonderful memories of going out, making friends, and creating a "community" before any of us had spouses or kids, not to mention the work experience and knowledge I gained while there.
BUT! I think part of my problem is that I took a new job that is just a bit too far outside of my industry (think related, but not at all the same job description). So my solution is to now find a job that is much closer to what I was doing...and then give it time to grow on me like my first workplace.
Are there specific things about your previous job that you could list out, and then try to recreate at your present job?
posted by elisebeth at 9:31 AM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
BUT! I think part of my problem is that I took a new job that is just a bit too far outside of my industry (think related, but not at all the same job description). So my solution is to now find a job that is much closer to what I was doing...and then give it time to grow on me like my first workplace.
Are there specific things about your previous job that you could list out, and then try to recreate at your present job?
posted by elisebeth at 9:31 AM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Reflecting on impermanence. Intellectually we know things in life do not stay the same, but meditating on the phenomenon itself can be really healing.
Taking a look at the other parts of your life: creative hobbies, relationships, etc. Are they rich or lackluster? Can you figure out a way to integrate fascinating projects and fulfilling missions into your life as it exists in the present? I'm not positive you're doing this, but sometimes people cling to the past to avoid the hard work or vulnerability of building the life they want.
posted by jessca84 at 11:08 PM on June 13, 2017 [3 favorites]