Attack of the Crab Monster

March 5, 2017 7:25 PM

How can I stop/deal better with constant feelings of irritation?

I have mild depression that tends to manifest as irritability - basically I have periods where I am at bitch eating crackers level irritation with everyone I encounter. This makes me not good company and is deeply unpleasant to experience.

What are some things I can do during these times to stop feeling like I hate the world in general and the person I am currently interacting with in specific?

posted by darchildre to Human Relations (10 answers total)

I get those feelings too sometimes. Two things come to mind that are at least sometimes helpful:

- one is probably kind of based on Cognitive Behavior Therapy - I try to just take ownership of my feelings. Not as in "snap out of it," but just view it as something that is occurring in my head, not in my external environment. I am irritable, not - she is irritating. It's kind of like there is a red light in the room, everything in the room is not red. Everything still LOOKS red, but at least I know my judgment is impaired for now. If I can think of it this way, at least I tend to be more methodical about how I interact with people.

- I will admit that I do not consciously do this, so am not practicing what I preach here, but I think if I were plagued with irritability more often I would be trying to do loving kindness meditation (just google the term - there's a lot out there). As it is, I should probably be doing this more often. What little meditation I've done of this or any other kind tells me - it would probably be wise to begin this practice when you are NOT in the middle of an attack of irritability. Because LKM kind of seems irritating AF anyways. :-)
posted by randomkeystrike at 7:54 PM on March 5, 2017 [5 favorites]

This article deals directly with this issue: How We Get Hooked and How We Get Unhooked

At the subtlest level, we feel a tightening, a tensing, a sense of closing down. Then we feel a sense of withdrawing, not wanting to be where we are. That’s the hooked quality. That tight feeling has the power to hook us into self-denigration, blame, anger, jealousy and other emotions which lead to words and actions that end up poisoning us.

posted by AFABulous at 8:39 PM on March 5, 2017 [7 favorites]

With practice - checking in with yourself frequently, tracking/charting if you need to - you can learn to self-intervene early before it spirals out of control. When that happens you can check yourself for HALT, PMS, crappy sleep, overstimulation etc and take appropriate steps.

Practicing gratitude and empathy also makes an extraordinary difference. Remembering the old saw "everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about" can be helpful - I myself remind myself that the worst behavior in other people is often driven by anxiety rather than actual evil, and that helps me a lot because sometimes that person is me.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:57 PM on March 5, 2017

I am irritable, not - she is irritating

Yes! I have done a lot better lately at managing my irritation and this is what helped.

- When I'm having that 'bitch eating crackers' thing, asking myself "What are you afraid of?" Now, I'm not technically afraid of stuff usually, but usually there's some low-level anxiety that is not helping things and sometimes I can hone in on it
- the usual HALT (asking yourself "Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?" and addressing the things that you can, if you are) as well as managing stress generally as a preventative measure
- a real basic meditation practice helped me learn to sit with bad feelings and not feel the need to do anything about them just like randomkeystrike said
- learning the difference between what you feel and what you do. You can't (often, in the moment) control how you feel but you can (usually) control what you do. Challenging myself to let the irritation and bad juju stop with me and not pass it along.

And sometimes you just need a moment. It may be hard (or seem impossible) to ask for and take that moment but it's an act of self-care. Learning to prioritize yourself, that your feelings MATTER and deserve to be taken care of, was helpful for me. Now it matters somewhat if the person is a family member, a child, a work associate or a partner, but those generic things have helped me get better at this. It's a learnable skill.
posted by jessamyn at 8:57 PM on March 5, 2017 [12 favorites]

- the usual HALT (asking yourself "Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?" and addressing the things that you can, if you are) as well as managing stress generally as a preventative measure

Just expanding on this a bit - are you generally missing joy, meaningful social contact, time to do things you love? Try to get some of that in a bit more (at least one good thing every day, if you can). Are there a lot of little hassles that add up in your day-to-day, like a horrible commute (or yeah, too many obligations you can't really handle)? Try to find workarounds to bring your baseline level of irritation down, or say no to things you really can't do without compromising your wellbeing. (Also, get checked out, medically, to ensure this isn't a thing that could be fixed with e.g. a change of birth control methods [if applicable] or vitamin D supps. There is a surprising amount of such things.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:22 PM on March 5, 2017

These are just my own highly personal tactics, but having recently failed to do these things after a period of consistency, and then suddenly noticed that all kinds of little things in my life we're suddenly unreasonably terrible-feeling, I will recommend my three step practice for reducing irritation:

1. Have a fat and protein rich breakfast.
2. Always have headphones on your person. If your surroundings start to get even slightly irritating, turn on white noise and/or music. Or if you can, get up and go for a walk.
3. If everything is incredibly irritating, go run up and down some stairs until muscle fatigue is a more pressing concern than irritation.

These things work for me, YMMV.
posted by deludingmyself at 11:49 PM on March 5, 2017 [5 favorites]

I suffer from this too.

Things that make it worse:

- low blood sugar
- caffeine withdrawal
- carb withdrawal
- lack of sleep
- too much caffeine
- being too hot / not in airconditioning
- being too cold
- being in a noisy environment
posted by Sockpuppets 'R' Us at 1:17 AM on March 6, 2017 [5 favorites]

Sometimes when I get like this I try to laugh about it at the time or later (in my head.) My husband does the same.

For example he stormed in laughing when I was in the other room one time and said, "I just have to share that for a split second I was completely irrationally angry at you because you didn't refill the Brita pitcher. But then I got over it." And we both lost it laughing.

So if I'm frustrated by something I try to talk about it more later in a funny way or laugh.Almost imagine you're in a sitcom like the office and in your head you're like "Of COURSE Dianne brought carrots to the office to much on." Imagine your dead-pan to the sitcom camera.

Also when I tend to get irritable or depressed I spend some time around positive people on Instagram. I have a chronic illness so I'm stuck inside and not around people but many of them are so damn positive that it can't help but rub off on you. Also taking a brief walk away from the annoying situation if you can.

When I get annoyed and acting out accidentally toward my husband I do my best to always apologize after like, "I'm sorry I'm grouchy. I'm really not feeling well. It's not you." Even though he understands, I know he appreciates the apology. So if they're close to you, be sure to apologize if you actually act grouchy.
posted by Crystalinne at 3:44 AM on March 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

Oh man, I could have written this a year or so ago! Ultimately I discovered that my irritability was a symptom of my anxiety (I have GAD). I was really surprised by this, but upon further reflection it makes a lot of sense - I'm easily stressed by things that do or seem likely to go awry. For me, a combination of therapy (once a month for about a year) and meds (a low daily dose of Prozac, plus an emergency stock of ultra-low-dose Xanax) really sorted me out.

Another thing that helped me was getting really good at identifying my grumpiness and owning it. Now, if I am in a Foul Mood, I will cancel anything that I can (such as easily-moveable social outings or work meetings).* For anything I can't move, I'll open my Headspace app and do a quick meditation. Then, I'll eat some carbs and drink some caffeine, which always makes me feel better in the short term.

* Obviously I don't tell my coworkers "I need to move our weekly check-in because I'm feeling grumpy." But I do tell my friends, "Hey, I'm really looking forward to seeing you, but I'm in a funk today and probably won't be much fun. Does Thursday work for you instead?" My friends and family have reacted very favorably to this.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 4:32 AM on March 6, 2017 [4 favorites]

Everyone gave really good, so I'd advice, and I have one thing to suggest that worked so well for me which was taking a magnesium supplement! It really helps calm my over-reactive nervous system. Just be sure to take a magnesium bisglycinate if you do-the other types make you poop.
posted by elke_wood at 5:12 PM on March 6, 2017 [2 favorites]