What to Expect When Your Best Friend's Wife is Expecting
October 9, 2015 7:04 AM Subscribe
My best friend just found out that his wife is pregnant. He's excited but a little anxious and is looking for book recommendations, though he'd probably be interested in blogs, websites, or other info sources.
My best friend and his wife just found out they're expecting. They're both happy but neither of them have spent a ton of time with or around babies so they're a little nervous. He's understandably anxious and wants to prepare and be helpful. When he asked me for book ideas, I asked him if this was like that scene in Knocked Up but he swears he'll actually read whatever books.
I have heard that What to Expect is not helpful and The Happiest Baby on the Block is pretty good but otherwise, do you have any ideas? His birthday is also coming up because when it rains, it pours, so I thought some helpful books would make a good gift. They both work full time and are planning to take time off post-partum before putting the kid in daycare. He's going to be an awesome dad but he's looking around their place worried about covering up power outlets and sanding the corners of all of the furniture. I tried to be helpful and pointed out that she's not due for months and months and even then, the kiddo isn't going to be walking around jabbing its fingers and smashing its head on the table for even longer but he's wants to prepare now.
I was looking at The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin but I'm concerned it might be too focused on natural birth, which his wife is not super psyched about (though the description for the 4th edition mentions Cesarean sections and medicated birth?). I was also looking at The Expectant Father, and both The Pregnancy Instruction Manual and The Baby Owner's Manual, though those two might be more jokey than helpful.
Also, are there other info sources you can think of that would be helpful? His sister just had a baby so he was planning to use the log-in he got her for Consumer Reports. He's into things that have been reviewed extensively (possibly excessively) and likes The Sweethome and The Wirecutter.
Other tips/ideas?? Thanks so much!
My best friend and his wife just found out they're expecting. They're both happy but neither of them have spent a ton of time with or around babies so they're a little nervous. He's understandably anxious and wants to prepare and be helpful. When he asked me for book ideas, I asked him if this was like that scene in Knocked Up but he swears he'll actually read whatever books.
I have heard that What to Expect is not helpful and The Happiest Baby on the Block is pretty good but otherwise, do you have any ideas? His birthday is also coming up because when it rains, it pours, so I thought some helpful books would make a good gift. They both work full time and are planning to take time off post-partum before putting the kid in daycare. He's going to be an awesome dad but he's looking around their place worried about covering up power outlets and sanding the corners of all of the furniture. I tried to be helpful and pointed out that she's not due for months and months and even then, the kiddo isn't going to be walking around jabbing its fingers and smashing its head on the table for even longer but he's wants to prepare now.
I was looking at The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin but I'm concerned it might be too focused on natural birth, which his wife is not super psyched about (though the description for the 4th edition mentions Cesarean sections and medicated birth?). I was also looking at The Expectant Father, and both The Pregnancy Instruction Manual and The Baby Owner's Manual, though those two might be more jokey than helpful.
Also, are there other info sources you can think of that would be helpful? His sister just had a baby so he was planning to use the log-in he got her for Consumer Reports. He's into things that have been reviewed extensively (possibly excessively) and likes The Sweethome and The Wirecutter.
Other tips/ideas?? Thanks so much!
My general advice is that it almost doesn't matter what books he reads as long as he reads books, plural, as opposed to A Book, singular. Every parenting book ever written is 10% universally true medical advice, 45% stuff that works for most babies but won't work for all, and 45% stuff that happened to work for the author's baby but probably won't work for anybody else. If he reads just one book, he's likely to take it all as gospel. If he reads a bunch, he can start sorting out what's universal and what isn't, and he's less likely to feel like a failure if a particular piece of advice doesn't work for him.
That said, I actually found a lot of helpful stuff What To Expect. If you treat it as your One True Guide, it might annoy you, but if it's just one item in a portfolio, it can be very helpful.
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer had some great tips in it -- although it also had a fair amount of "THIS IS THE ONE TRUE METHOD AND IF IT DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU THEN YOU HAVE FAILED!". Again, not a problem if it's part of a broad selection.
I also liked T Berry Brazelton's Touchpoints.
In terms of blogs, it might be worth reading Free Range Kids. I don't agree with her on 100% everything, but I think she's a really healthy antidote to to contemporary parental paranoia.
Finally, NurtureShock isn't a baby book per se, but it is a really good evidence-driven look at what we really know about parenting.
posted by yankeefog at 7:28 AM on October 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
That said, I actually found a lot of helpful stuff What To Expect. If you treat it as your One True Guide, it might annoy you, but if it's just one item in a portfolio, it can be very helpful.
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer had some great tips in it -- although it also had a fair amount of "THIS IS THE ONE TRUE METHOD AND IF IT DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU THEN YOU HAVE FAILED!". Again, not a problem if it's part of a broad selection.
I also liked T Berry Brazelton's Touchpoints.
In terms of blogs, it might be worth reading Free Range Kids. I don't agree with her on 100% everything, but I think she's a really healthy antidote to to contemporary parental paranoia.
Finally, NurtureShock isn't a baby book per se, but it is a really good evidence-driven look at what we really know about parenting.
posted by yankeefog at 7:28 AM on October 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm a fair bit like your friend; we're expecting our first in a month. I'll echo recommendations for the Happiest Baby on the Block; get a hard copy even if your buddy likes e-books so he can annotate it a little easier. I have heard rave reviews for Baby Got Colic, a white noise track for bedtime.
I took a one-evening class from these guys and loved it; if you're in a sizable city they probably have it where your friend is too; you could sign him up. They recruit expectant dads to bring back their 3-4 month olds down the road, so each class has a few "veteran dads" with their kiddos, and you basically get to talk to a version of yourself from six months in the future. Highly recommended.
I also enjoyed this book on baby-led weaning; I figure I probably won't get a lot of time to read between when the kiddo is born and when she starts getting interested in food.
posted by craven_morhead at 7:32 AM on October 9, 2015
I took a one-evening class from these guys and loved it; if you're in a sizable city they probably have it where your friend is too; you could sign him up. They recruit expectant dads to bring back their 3-4 month olds down the road, so each class has a few "veteran dads" with their kiddos, and you basically get to talk to a version of yourself from six months in the future. Highly recommended.
I also enjoyed this book on baby-led weaning; I figure I probably won't get a lot of time to read between when the kiddo is born and when she starts getting interested in food.
posted by craven_morhead at 7:32 AM on October 9, 2015
Up The Duff by Kaz Cooke is the best pregnancy book ever written, IMHO of course.
posted by h00py at 7:35 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by h00py at 7:35 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
The substance of most mainstream books is similar, so the key to to find one whose voice appeals to you. If "He's into things that have been reviewed extensively (possibly excessively) and likes The Sweethome and The Wirecutter.", then you want to get him The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance. It's written in the style of an electronics instruction manual and describes itself as "a comprehensive user's guide to deriving maximum performance and optimal results from your newborn." To be honest, I found that the joke got a little old after 20 pages or so, but it was nice to have something relentlessly practical.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 7:42 AM on October 9, 2015
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 7:42 AM on October 9, 2015
Our hospital gave us the AAP's Your Baby's First Year, which was a straightforward, comforting read for new, clueless parents.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:49 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by uncleozzy at 7:49 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
The Expectant Father is really good. All the info, no fluff.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:51 AM on October 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:51 AM on October 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
Books we enjoyed while expecting:
Let's Panic About Babies!
The Baby Owner's Manual
Happiest Baby on the Block
posted by erst at 9:43 AM on October 9, 2015
Let's Panic About Babies!
The Baby Owner's Manual
Happiest Baby on the Block
posted by erst at 9:43 AM on October 9, 2015
Not a book but... Pregnant Husband Tumblr, for when he needs a laugh.
posted by jrobin276 at 11:14 AM on October 9, 2015
posted by jrobin276 at 11:14 AM on October 9, 2015
It's been quietly mentioned above already, but I'm going to expound on it.
For the last 20 years, every time a friend is expecting, I buy them this book.
Every time someone asks this question online, I point them to this book.
Please heed the advice, and buy this book.
Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, 6th Edition: Birth to Age 5
The American Academy Of Pediatrics (AAP) first published this book in 1991. Now in its 6th edition (less than a year old), it's easy to read and guides you through the basics, and serves as a solid reference when something goes wrong and you start freaking out. Note: despite the title, it does provide plenty of information on pregnancy as well.
I recently met a former president of the AAP, editor of an earlier edition, and thanked him for this book.
Buy this book for your friend immediately, and he will be thanking you for years to come. I speak from happy experience :)
posted by intermod at 11:48 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
For the last 20 years, every time a friend is expecting, I buy them this book.
Every time someone asks this question online, I point them to this book.
Please heed the advice, and buy this book.
Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, 6th Edition: Birth to Age 5
The American Academy Of Pediatrics (AAP) first published this book in 1991. Now in its 6th edition (less than a year old), it's easy to read and guides you through the basics, and serves as a solid reference when something goes wrong and you start freaking out. Note: despite the title, it does provide plenty of information on pregnancy as well.
I recently met a former president of the AAP, editor of an earlier edition, and thanked him for this book.
Buy this book for your friend immediately, and he will be thanking you for years to come. I speak from happy experience :)
posted by intermod at 11:48 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Highly recommended: Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads. As much as it feels joke-y, it's an excellent resource for, well, preparing new dads without freaking them the eff out.
posted by hanov3r at 1:08 PM on October 9, 2015
posted by hanov3r at 1:08 PM on October 9, 2015
As a new mom, I found that the online message boards for pregnant women were a lot overwhelming. The exception, for me, was Reddit's r/BabyBumps. Your friend's mileage may vary.
posted by kellygrape at 6:29 PM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by kellygrape at 6:29 PM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
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