How does job hunting work while transitioning genders?
June 24, 2015 6:24 PM Subscribe
I'm in the beginning stages of transitioning from to female to male. Only my friends know at this point; I haven't said anything at work and I haven't started hormones (yet) so it's not very obvious physically. For many reasons, I want to start looking for another job but I'm wondering how to handle it with an impending transition. How do I present myself? How do I handle references when they know me as another name?
I like the work I do, but I don't like the pay or the company. I have concerns about how my coworkers will react when I transition, especially my two conservative bosses. For those reasons, I'm planning to look for another job. I would really like to start fresh somewhere as a man (maybe even in a new city) but I don't know how to go about that.
How do I handle my resume and online applications? I've chosen a male name and I go by that socially, but I haven't begun to change it legally. If I give them the male name, what happens when they check my references, or school records (if anyone does that any more)? If I get an interview (in phone or in person) there is no way they're not going to know I'm trans if I've given them a male name. I don't expect I'll ever be able to go completely stealth.
Should I just use my female name when applying? If I get hired, I want a fresh start, so can I ask that only HR know my "real" name and everyone else should address me as Male Name? I really have no idea how any of this works. I'm especially interested in thoughts from hiring managers.
I work in IT project management, if that's relevant, and I've worked for this company for four years.
I like the work I do, but I don't like the pay or the company. I have concerns about how my coworkers will react when I transition, especially my two conservative bosses. For those reasons, I'm planning to look for another job. I would really like to start fresh somewhere as a man (maybe even in a new city) but I don't know how to go about that.
How do I handle my resume and online applications? I've chosen a male name and I go by that socially, but I haven't begun to change it legally. If I give them the male name, what happens when they check my references, or school records (if anyone does that any more)? If I get an interview (in phone or in person) there is no way they're not going to know I'm trans if I've given them a male name. I don't expect I'll ever be able to go completely stealth.
Should I just use my female name when applying? If I get hired, I want a fresh start, so can I ask that only HR know my "real" name and everyone else should address me as Male Name? I really have no idea how any of this works. I'm especially interested in thoughts from hiring managers.
I work in IT project management, if that's relevant, and I've worked for this company for four years.
This happened to me. I did not have a lot of success until I was as done as I was going to get transition-wise, but I think that was more an issue with timing and my particular situation than anything (I also changed my career field during a recession.) I am pretty sure I got an automatic No when I showed up at interviews loooking like me under Mr. LastName (I'm afab), but I got a Yes eventually and that's what matters. If they can't deal with me, I don't want to work there.
(If you're desperate...apply under your legal name and hide your transition until you're difficult to fire. Most of my advice here is based on you being OK where you are and not in desperate need of employment.)
Think about it this way: there are lots and lots of people who have a name from their culture, and an American/English name that they use with everyone who isn't their parents. Gendered names aren't any different; you have a wallet name and a real name you use everywhere else.
Apply under the name you actually use and the pronoun you're planning to use, and when you get hired, just mention that you're "in the process of" a name change. Everyone understands name changes. If you're changing from a female name to a male name, only very rude interviewers will ask why, and the correct response is "I'm undergoing a gender transition, and (state your name and pronoun) is how I should be addressed. Is there anything you need from me that would clarify that?" (And if they ask about your genitals by way of clarification, ask to see their supervisor.)
I have found that people are more likely to question your gender and screw up your name at work if they know your wallet name, so it's better to keep that confidential if you can. It'll always be there, since you have to put your old name on background checks and stuff even after you change it, and you may never be able to go stealth. This will impact your job situation, but you probably already thought about that and went ahead anyway, right? So don't worry too much-- it's worth it, and you will find a way.
I found it helpful to realize that employers are also auditioning to be where I choose to work; they have to come off well in the interview, too, and that includes respecting my name and gender. If you're good at what you do, then they're going to miss out if they don't impress you by getting it right the first time. Be who you are, complicated name situation included, and go into it expecting that they meet you at least halfway. It gets easier and easier to assert your name and pronoun as you practice, and after this one job change, your reference will be in your new name and gender and it'll get a lot easier!
posted by blnkfrnk at 7:58 PM on June 24, 2015 [15 favorites]
(If you're desperate...apply under your legal name and hide your transition until you're difficult to fire. Most of my advice here is based on you being OK where you are and not in desperate need of employment.)
Think about it this way: there are lots and lots of people who have a name from their culture, and an American/English name that they use with everyone who isn't their parents. Gendered names aren't any different; you have a wallet name and a real name you use everywhere else.
Apply under the name you actually use and the pronoun you're planning to use, and when you get hired, just mention that you're "in the process of" a name change. Everyone understands name changes. If you're changing from a female name to a male name, only very rude interviewers will ask why, and the correct response is "I'm undergoing a gender transition, and (state your name and pronoun) is how I should be addressed. Is there anything you need from me that would clarify that?" (And if they ask about your genitals by way of clarification, ask to see their supervisor.)
I have found that people are more likely to question your gender and screw up your name at work if they know your wallet name, so it's better to keep that confidential if you can. It'll always be there, since you have to put your old name on background checks and stuff even after you change it, and you may never be able to go stealth. This will impact your job situation, but you probably already thought about that and went ahead anyway, right? So don't worry too much-- it's worth it, and you will find a way.
I found it helpful to realize that employers are also auditioning to be where I choose to work; they have to come off well in the interview, too, and that includes respecting my name and gender. If you're good at what you do, then they're going to miss out if they don't impress you by getting it right the first time. Be who you are, complicated name situation included, and go into it expecting that they meet you at least halfway. It gets easier and easier to assert your name and pronoun as you practice, and after this one job change, your reference will be in your new name and gender and it'll get a lot easier!
posted by blnkfrnk at 7:58 PM on June 24, 2015 [15 favorites]
I can't speak to your job references, but yes, some places do check school references, at least to see if you have the degree you claim to have. (ESPECIALLY if you want to do anything internationally, which is a huge pain.) They may either call your college or require you to get some kind of proof of graduation. If you want to change your name/gender at your alma mater, that should be doable. Mine will change all of your computerized references pretty much retroactively (so if you have to order a transcript, it'll say AFABulous Newname rather than whatever it was before and won't indicate any past gender history) and will reorder a diploma with the new name if you want. No big deal.
The policy at mine is that you have to show us/scan/send your new ID with your new name before we change all of your official records, though, so you'd need to go legal before we could do it. We have "preferred name" as an option on most things while you're a student now, but we can't put the preferred name/gender on the legal document stuff like transcripts/diplomas/degree awarded letters unless you get it legally changed.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:49 PM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
The policy at mine is that you have to show us/scan/send your new ID with your new name before we change all of your official records, though, so you'd need to go legal before we could do it. We have "preferred name" as an option on most things while you're a student now, but we can't put the preferred name/gender on the legal document stuff like transcripts/diplomas/degree awarded letters unless you get it legally changed.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:49 PM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Continuity of job references and employment history is so critically important that I think you should stay at your current job until you are further in your transition. A "fresh start" is desirable on an emotional level, but from a practical standpoint it really can be like starting from scratch, which is not what you want to do when looking for a new job. You need your resume to match your new persona, and it's good to have at least one reference that can speak to [newname]'s skills and bridge the work history between your old and new name. If you disappear in between jobs and emerge in the job market as a completely new person, you are going to have a much harder time. (At least, that's my opinion, and that's also the advice that Mara Keisling from the National Center for Transgender Equality gives, FWIW.)
As for your older references from previous jobs, you're going to call them anyways and have a chat about how you're applying for a new job and would they be willing to provide a reference (right?), so you can also mention that you're changing your name and when the new job calls they will probably ask for [newname] but that's actually you. This conversation will be awkward but you will have to have it if you have references that only know you as [oldname], there's no way around it. You can't have the new job call looking for [newname] and have your reference say, "Who? I never worked with them"... Presumably you have a good relationship with these people so hopefully that will not be a big deal. If it is, well, that tells you something too.
Then apply under your new name, with your resume adjusted to match, and use your new name everywhere except on legal forms. The legal forms will obviously have to have your legal name, but you can just say "this is my legal name for employment and tax purposes only" and most reasonable HR departments will respect that. You could add that you don't wish them to share that with the rest of the staff and they should respect that as well. People do that all the time for lots of reasons, it's not a big deal--I once worked with a cis woman whose legal name was Patricia but she went by Ruth (the only reason I knew this was because I was HR, her coworkers didn't know, and even I didn't know why she went but Ruth, but we didn't ask or care. It's just paperwork.)
And remember that yeah, they interview you, but you interview them. If it's a big deal, that's probably not a place you really want to work at.
posted by epanalepsis at 8:35 AM on June 25, 2015
As for your older references from previous jobs, you're going to call them anyways and have a chat about how you're applying for a new job and would they be willing to provide a reference (right?), so you can also mention that you're changing your name and when the new job calls they will probably ask for [newname] but that's actually you. This conversation will be awkward but you will have to have it if you have references that only know you as [oldname], there's no way around it. You can't have the new job call looking for [newname] and have your reference say, "Who? I never worked with them"... Presumably you have a good relationship with these people so hopefully that will not be a big deal. If it is, well, that tells you something too.
Then apply under your new name, with your resume adjusted to match, and use your new name everywhere except on legal forms. The legal forms will obviously have to have your legal name, but you can just say "this is my legal name for employment and tax purposes only" and most reasonable HR departments will respect that. You could add that you don't wish them to share that with the rest of the staff and they should respect that as well. People do that all the time for lots of reasons, it's not a big deal--I once worked with a cis woman whose legal name was Patricia but she went by Ruth (the only reason I knew this was because I was HR, her coworkers didn't know, and even I didn't know why she went but Ruth, but we didn't ask or care. It's just paperwork.)
And remember that yeah, they interview you, but you interview them. If it's a big deal, that's probably not a place you really want to work at.
posted by epanalepsis at 8:35 AM on June 25, 2015
The only trans person I knew at all well ended up doing remote work during the time I knew them. That simplified a lot of things. The employer knew and was supportive.
posted by Michele in California at 9:54 AM on June 25, 2015
posted by Michele in California at 9:54 AM on June 25, 2015
Go you! And this is doable. In January, after coming out in November and starting spiro and estrogen three weeks earlier (transitioning the other direction), I moved 3,000 miles with no job and no specific plan. I found a pleasant (though part-time) temp gig for a month, which led me to a soul-sucking full time gig for four months, which I just now traded for a salaried job I'm really excited about! It would have been easier financially to not try moving + job searching + starting transition at the same time (my poor credit cards!), but taking those risks were important to me. And I definitely learned a ton along the way about job searching in transition. Specifically:
- I used my preferred name everywhere I had any choice (i.e. I couldn't use it in the "legal name" box of online applications, which happened about 1/3 to 1/2 the time.) On my resume, I wrote my full name as "Zoë (M.) LastName", with M. being the first initial of my legal/deadname. This cued any reader that I was going by a name other than my legal name, and seemed to work well.
- Can you notify your references that you will be applying for jobs under your new name? This helps a ton, if you are comfortable coming out to these folks.
- If you do come out to your references, and If you are invited for an interview and asked for references, I would follow up with a brief e-mail to the HR person/primary interviewer to explain your legal name. I used variations of this script (and this is what I sent the place that hired me!):
"[Thank you for meeting with me, you guys are rad, etc.] In case the references were not included on the online application, I've attached them to this e-mail as a .docx file. Also, please note that each of my references know me as Zoë, but my legal name while working was M--- S---- (though this will be changing later this month!)"
And you could add "My school records are also under my former legal name." I'm guessing they won't check your school records before they bring you in for the interview.
- You don't have to talk about your gender at all during your interviews, especially during your first interview. You can definitely ask a question about diversity in the workplace at the end of an interview, or preferably in a second interview. I often tried to do my research by getting a sense of the org's reputation online, looking through glassdoor, etc. It's important to feel safe, though, and you can do some of that feeling out during the interview. I feel like it's been pretty obvious who is respectful and not based on whether they relate to me earnestly or if they kind of do a weird detatched filter thing -- I had two interviewers smirk at each other when I came in, so that was an easy sign to read. It's easier to cross something off the list than to mark a place as "accepting!" At my initial temp job, people were generally excited for me. At my meh recent job, it was more of a "hey, you're one of the women, it's not a big deal" thing and let me dictate what I disclosed and how, though people stuck up for me to clients who occasionally misgendered me (my boss, however, projected a lot of her family and mothering things to me, which was super inappropriate, but that's another story.) At my upcoming job, I get a good vibe, and people seem both accepting and to possess good boundaries. You won't be able to magically infer all of this stuff, but hopefully you can rule out anything explicitly toxic.
Again, I'm really happy for you. And I think the fresh start approach is a great one. It was wonderful to enter new environments where people only knew me as my authentic self, besides a couple of HR folks who had access to other info. And that's who you'll be -- you'll get to work with these folks, joke around, have lunch, share the parts of your life you'd like to share, or just be this professional awesome badass you. I met somebody from my first temp job for a drink the other day, and he was asking me about college -- and I realized, he thought I had transitioned, like, years ago. And I don't think he thought I was like SUPER PASSABLE, but it's just that he knew me in this stable sense as the me I presented as, the me I've lived as, that it didn't occur to him to kind of construct this timeline of me in his head. Or maybe he was being polite, ha! Anyways, stuff like that has actually meant a lot to me. It has helped me relax and find solidity and have that daily affirmation of my name, because there's literally no other option for anybody. It's been really nice.
If you have any more specific follow-ups, feel free to reach out via MeMail :)
posted by elephantsvanish at 7:35 PM on June 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
- I used my preferred name everywhere I had any choice (i.e. I couldn't use it in the "legal name" box of online applications, which happened about 1/3 to 1/2 the time.) On my resume, I wrote my full name as "Zoë (M.) LastName", with M. being the first initial of my legal/deadname. This cued any reader that I was going by a name other than my legal name, and seemed to work well.
- Can you notify your references that you will be applying for jobs under your new name? This helps a ton, if you are comfortable coming out to these folks.
- If you do come out to your references, and If you are invited for an interview and asked for references, I would follow up with a brief e-mail to the HR person/primary interviewer to explain your legal name. I used variations of this script (and this is what I sent the place that hired me!):
"[Thank you for meeting with me, you guys are rad, etc.] In case the references were not included on the online application, I've attached them to this e-mail as a .docx file. Also, please note that each of my references know me as Zoë, but my legal name while working was M--- S---- (though this will be changing later this month!)"
And you could add "My school records are also under my former legal name." I'm guessing they won't check your school records before they bring you in for the interview.
- You don't have to talk about your gender at all during your interviews, especially during your first interview. You can definitely ask a question about diversity in the workplace at the end of an interview, or preferably in a second interview. I often tried to do my research by getting a sense of the org's reputation online, looking through glassdoor, etc. It's important to feel safe, though, and you can do some of that feeling out during the interview. I feel like it's been pretty obvious who is respectful and not based on whether they relate to me earnestly or if they kind of do a weird detatched filter thing -- I had two interviewers smirk at each other when I came in, so that was an easy sign to read. It's easier to cross something off the list than to mark a place as "accepting!" At my initial temp job, people were generally excited for me. At my meh recent job, it was more of a "hey, you're one of the women, it's not a big deal" thing and let me dictate what I disclosed and how, though people stuck up for me to clients who occasionally misgendered me (my boss, however, projected a lot of her family and mothering things to me, which was super inappropriate, but that's another story.) At my upcoming job, I get a good vibe, and people seem both accepting and to possess good boundaries. You won't be able to magically infer all of this stuff, but hopefully you can rule out anything explicitly toxic.
Again, I'm really happy for you. And I think the fresh start approach is a great one. It was wonderful to enter new environments where people only knew me as my authentic self, besides a couple of HR folks who had access to other info. And that's who you'll be -- you'll get to work with these folks, joke around, have lunch, share the parts of your life you'd like to share, or just be this professional awesome badass you. I met somebody from my first temp job for a drink the other day, and he was asking me about college -- and I realized, he thought I had transitioned, like, years ago. And I don't think he thought I was like SUPER PASSABLE, but it's just that he knew me in this stable sense as the me I presented as, the me I've lived as, that it didn't occur to him to kind of construct this timeline of me in his head. Or maybe he was being polite, ha! Anyways, stuff like that has actually meant a lot to me. It has helped me relax and find solidity and have that daily affirmation of my name, because there's literally no other option for anybody. It's been really nice.
If you have any more specific follow-ups, feel free to reach out via MeMail :)
posted by elephantsvanish at 7:35 PM on June 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:59 PM on June 24, 2015 [2 favorites]