coming out as ftm
April 28, 2012 9:32 AM Subscribe
I think I might want to change gender (ftm)... now what?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (30 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
In many ways, mine is the stereotypical transgender story: I've been dressing in boy's clothes since I was old enough to take off a dress and throw it on the floor, when I was five and my grandmother asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said Batman, I played little league instead of softball, in high school I didn't date and slouched to hide my growing breasts (still do) and tried to ignore the rumors that I was gay... you get the picture, I've been gender non-conforming my whole life.
This worked fine when I was a kid, but it's starting to become awkward as I've gone from the tomboy in sweatpants to a 20-something woman who has never worn makeup or heels and doesn't own a single piece of jewelry. I can't shop for women's clothing without getting upset and panicky in the fitting room and I've gotten to a point where being unable to dress up for an interview or for day to day work is going to negatively affect my career. Also, I've never had a serious romantic partner of either gender because, well, I can't describe it, but the idea of being a woman that someone else finds attractive is somehow upsetting.
Long story short, I want to start acting like a grown up, but I don't want that grown up to be a woman. What now? How do I tell my parents, my friends, my sister, my coworkers, etc? I'm worried that even with hormones and surgery, my height (5'3") and bone structure (small hands in particular) will mean that I'll never be convincing as a man and I'll always stick out as an "it" and I'll have to deal with all kinds of discrimination and harassment. This is a pretty long post, without an actual question yet... I guess what I'm looking for is some (online?) resources to help me with the process of coming out to people I know or some other form of reassurance that I'm not totally alone. As far as location dependent advice goes, I'll be in a small, rural town in the southwest until the end of the summer when I'll move to a suburb of Boston.
Ugh. On preview I can see a million run-on sentences but I've started and deleted this question so many times I'm giving up on trying to fix them