Giving up drinking for the new year
December 30, 2014 3:36 PM Subscribe
For the new year, I'm going to give up drinking for a while. I need some encouragement.
For 2015, I'm going to be laying down the bottle for a while. I've been self-medicating for some time, for both emotional and physical pain, but it's obvious that this is not a solution that will work long-term.
So I've decided to give it a rest, but I find this decision is bringing me down emotionally. Like, I'm depressed at the thought of it. Drinks in the evening has become such a big part of my routine, I feel like I'm giving up a part of myself that I really like. So I guess I'm looking for perspective - what are the good things that are going to come as a result of this change? What do I have to look forward to? Why should I be excited about this, rather than depressed? What should I focus on to remind myself that I'm doing the right thing?
For 2015, I'm going to be laying down the bottle for a while. I've been self-medicating for some time, for both emotional and physical pain, but it's obvious that this is not a solution that will work long-term.
So I've decided to give it a rest, but I find this decision is bringing me down emotionally. Like, I'm depressed at the thought of it. Drinks in the evening has become such a big part of my routine, I feel like I'm giving up a part of myself that I really like. So I guess I'm looking for perspective - what are the good things that are going to come as a result of this change? What do I have to look forward to? Why should I be excited about this, rather than depressed? What should I focus on to remind myself that I'm doing the right thing?
For medical reasons I have had to reduce my drinking as well. It helps to have a fun new hobby to distract yourself with (painting models in my case) and it helps to have a big supply of non alcoholic beverages around, too.
I have been delighted with my improved performance in video games, hobbies and general energy level. It is a lot easier to get things done, and there are more useful hours in my day.
It has also been nifty that I'm the smartest person in the room at functions where everyone else drinks, though I wouldn't attend such things if that is a risk for starting drinking again.
Mornings are a lot easier, and I have a lot more cash in my pocket to boot.
posted by poe at 3:58 PM on December 30, 2014
I have been delighted with my improved performance in video games, hobbies and general energy level. It is a lot easier to get things done, and there are more useful hours in my day.
It has also been nifty that I'm the smartest person in the room at functions where everyone else drinks, though I wouldn't attend such things if that is a risk for starting drinking again.
Mornings are a lot easier, and I have a lot more cash in my pocket to boot.
posted by poe at 3:58 PM on December 30, 2014
Yeah, any time I skip drinking I count it as a calorie win, that's an easy one to tick off.
I don't know if this is at all compelling to you, but I'm learning to knit and it's put a real dent in my drinking since it keeps both hands busy. Replace with any other activity that requires two hands at length that you can do while chatting (phone, skype, or in person) with a friend or watching a movie (Friends will be on Netflix 1/1). There's a ton of funny and cool cross-stitch and embroidery patterns on Etsy.
posted by Lyn Never at 4:00 PM on December 30, 2014
I don't know if this is at all compelling to you, but I'm learning to knit and it's put a real dent in my drinking since it keeps both hands busy. Replace with any other activity that requires two hands at length that you can do while chatting (phone, skype, or in person) with a friend or watching a movie (Friends will be on Netflix 1/1). There's a ton of funny and cool cross-stitch and embroidery patterns on Etsy.
posted by Lyn Never at 4:00 PM on December 30, 2014
There is social media for this now -- Hello Sunday Morning. I don't know anything about it other than seeing it in my FB feed from a 2015 resolutioner, but here is a wee write-up:
‘Hello Sunday Morning’ focuses on encouraging people to realise their full potential and not to feel that you need alcohol to enjoy yourself. It is not an anti-alcohol initiative, nor does the campaign urge people to give up alcohol for good, but rather to take a break and see what happens and use that experience to inform your future drinking habits.
My advice would be to try to replace internal moaning about the loss of boozy pleasures with cheer about the stuff you'll be able to enjoy/fix up without it -- you're probably not asking this because of your wonderful relationship with drink. Think 'Hey, no more over-the-top self-damage!' etc. The 'Hello Sunday Morning' name alone is actually a pretty good one; after a certain age you can really piss away too much time on a hangover.
posted by kmennie at 4:00 PM on December 30, 2014 [5 favorites]
‘Hello Sunday Morning’ focuses on encouraging people to realise their full potential and not to feel that you need alcohol to enjoy yourself. It is not an anti-alcohol initiative, nor does the campaign urge people to give up alcohol for good, but rather to take a break and see what happens and use that experience to inform your future drinking habits.
My advice would be to try to replace internal moaning about the loss of boozy pleasures with cheer about the stuff you'll be able to enjoy/fix up without it -- you're probably not asking this because of your wonderful relationship with drink. Think 'Hey, no more over-the-top self-damage!' etc. The 'Hello Sunday Morning' name alone is actually a pretty good one; after a certain age you can really piss away too much time on a hangover.
posted by kmennie at 4:00 PM on December 30, 2014 [5 favorites]
Do you like cooking? Setting aside the money you'd spend on alcohol and use it to buy interesting ingredients. Things like really nice USDA prime steaks, saffron, etc. This could be your chance to get Really Good at roasting duck.
If you get really into the planning, exploring different cuisines, etc then that's something you could put a lot of research and thought into, which might be helpful if you're trying not to dwell on alcohol.
You could even turn it into a social thing with your SO or friends (tell them not to bring a bottle of wine though).
posted by ryanrs at 4:02 PM on December 30, 2014 [1 favorite]
If you get really into the planning, exploring different cuisines, etc then that's something you could put a lot of research and thought into, which might be helpful if you're trying not to dwell on alcohol.
You could even turn it into a social thing with your SO or friends (tell them not to bring a bottle of wine though).
posted by ryanrs at 4:02 PM on December 30, 2014 [1 favorite]
Alcohol is so expensive! It's a thing that prevents me from trying to get a taste for it. Put the money you save into a "Major Fun Treat" fund, which could be anything from a one-week celebration of getting some new music or a massage to a trip at the end of the year.
posted by tchemgrrl at 4:02 PM on December 30, 2014
posted by tchemgrrl at 4:02 PM on December 30, 2014
What do you have to look forward to?
Feeling less tired. Probably losing some weight without even trying. Generally firing on all cylinders.
A few advice thoughts:
1) I second replacing it with something positive that you can really enjoy. Also, fuck it, consider buying yourself something with the money you're saving.
2) Think about keeping on hand a huge supply of replacement beverage. (Not soda.) For me, having a shit-ton of sparkling water at the ready kind of helps replace the habitual part of picking up a drink.
3) I would also try to identify a buddy who can do this with you, at least for like a "sober month" or something in the beginning. It can be useful to have someone along as moral support, and oftentimes there is no shortage of people wanting to go on a health kick after the food and drink orgy that is the holiday season.
4)But don't let it stop you if you can't find someone! You can do it on your own.
posted by kensington314 at 4:03 PM on December 30, 2014 [1 favorite]
Feeling less tired. Probably losing some weight without even trying. Generally firing on all cylinders.
A few advice thoughts:
1) I second replacing it with something positive that you can really enjoy. Also, fuck it, consider buying yourself something with the money you're saving.
2) Think about keeping on hand a huge supply of replacement beverage. (Not soda.) For me, having a shit-ton of sparkling water at the ready kind of helps replace the habitual part of picking up a drink.
3) I would also try to identify a buddy who can do this with you, at least for like a "sober month" or something in the beginning. It can be useful to have someone along as moral support, and oftentimes there is no shortage of people wanting to go on a health kick after the food and drink orgy that is the holiday season.
4)But don't let it stop you if you can't find someone! You can do it on your own.
posted by kensington314 at 4:03 PM on December 30, 2014 [1 favorite]
Liver disease is a terrible way to go. Your liver will thank you for your abstinence.
posted by cecic at 4:10 PM on December 30, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by cecic at 4:10 PM on December 30, 2014 [1 favorite]
You are not alcohol. Giving alcohol up doesn't mean you're losing a part of yourself. It means you're gaining an opportunity to develop self love and appreciation without external help. You have always been wonderful without alcohol -- by giving it up, you're giving yourself the chance to see that you have value without it.
posted by Hermione Granger at 4:12 PM on December 30, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Hermione Granger at 4:12 PM on December 30, 2014 [2 favorites]
I have at least one drink pretty much daily, and had to stop drinking alcohol for three months while I was taking some medication. What I found was:
- For some reason, sparkling water was interesting enough that I didn't feel a terrible beverage-related void at dinnertime.
- It was nice feeling more mentally sharp in the evenings.
- I lost 8 pounds.
I'll be honest that I went right back to drinking after I finished the medication, but it really wasn't so bad. Honestly the hardest thing was ordering non-alcoholic drinks at restaurants.
posted by dfan at 4:15 PM on December 30, 2014
- For some reason, sparkling water was interesting enough that I didn't feel a terrible beverage-related void at dinnertime.
- It was nice feeling more mentally sharp in the evenings.
- I lost 8 pounds.
I'll be honest that I went right back to drinking after I finished the medication, but it really wasn't so bad. Honestly the hardest thing was ordering non-alcoholic drinks at restaurants.
posted by dfan at 4:15 PM on December 30, 2014
Now you can drive to places at night.
posted by oceanjesse at 4:16 PM on December 30, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by oceanjesse at 4:16 PM on December 30, 2014 [3 favorites]
One thing that will make this a LOT easier, is to change your routine. So instead of your evening drinks, insert something else. Going to the gym is obvious, and it's a positive thing. Perhaps a class in something you find interesting.
Tell someone. Once you've committed to an actual human, your resolve will be firmer and you'll think harder when you're tempted. You can also call that person and say, "I'm tempted, distract me." Obviously this person needs to on the same page as you are on this. Don't call a drinking buddy or someone who doesn't want you to succeed at this.
Try an AA meeting. If you've never been, you may find fellowship. I'll remind you that you do it one day at a time. All you're resolving to do is to not drink in this moment.
Good luck to you.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:16 PM on December 30, 2014 [3 favorites]
Tell someone. Once you've committed to an actual human, your resolve will be firmer and you'll think harder when you're tempted. You can also call that person and say, "I'm tempted, distract me." Obviously this person needs to on the same page as you are on this. Don't call a drinking buddy or someone who doesn't want you to succeed at this.
Try an AA meeting. If you've never been, you may find fellowship. I'll remind you that you do it one day at a time. All you're resolving to do is to not drink in this moment.
Good luck to you.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:16 PM on December 30, 2014 [3 favorites]
I had to cut down for health reasons and holy shit do I sleep better now. SO MUCH BETTER. And my skin looks better. I just feel better.
I still have a wine from time to time, but I don't miss it that much (and I was a big drinker! [Not disordered, just enthusiastic]). It helps that I actually LOVE sparkling water and find it a treat.
posted by Countess Sandwich at 4:17 PM on December 30, 2014 [2 favorites]
I still have a wine from time to time, but I don't miss it that much (and I was a big drinker! [Not disordered, just enthusiastic]). It helps that I actually LOVE sparkling water and find it a treat.
posted by Countess Sandwich at 4:17 PM on December 30, 2014 [2 favorites]
You will have so much more money! When a heavy drinker stops drinking, it is almost like picking up a second job without doing any of the work! Also, you are going to look much hotter. Your skin will glow and that tire around your waste will go away, all without going to the gym. You will sleep better, sex will feel better, and mornings will be more productive. Giving up booze is like a miracle pill that fixes a whole lot of things in your life.
posted by myselfasme at 4:17 PM on December 30, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by myselfasme at 4:17 PM on December 30, 2014 [6 favorites]
What do you like about the alcohol, the drinking in the evening? Is it just the routine at this point, or the feeling the alcohol gives you?
What I've found is that replacing your evening drink with e.g. a nice cup of quality tea can help a bit with both. There's a pleasant ritual to making a cup of tea and it can be both stimulating and comforting to drink.
posted by MartinWisse at 4:17 PM on December 30, 2014
What I've found is that replacing your evening drink with e.g. a nice cup of quality tea can help a bit with both. There's a pleasant ritual to making a cup of tea and it can be both stimulating and comforting to drink.
posted by MartinWisse at 4:17 PM on December 30, 2014
I stopped drinking about two years ago and it has been a positive change. I joined a 24 hour gym and will go for a run or bang around a racquetball in the middle of the night if I have nervous energy to burn off.
What I like is that I'm emotionally present for 100% of life, that I don't have to worry at all that I have an unhealthy relationship with a substance, that going out now involves engaging the world more and relating to those I'm with in a more genuine way, and that if I meet a potential romantic partner, that I'm not engaging in red flag behavior, or anything close to it, with alcohol.
posted by alphanerd at 4:21 PM on December 30, 2014
What I like is that I'm emotionally present for 100% of life, that I don't have to worry at all that I have an unhealthy relationship with a substance, that going out now involves engaging the world more and relating to those I'm with in a more genuine way, and that if I meet a potential romantic partner, that I'm not engaging in red flag behavior, or anything close to it, with alcohol.
posted by alphanerd at 4:21 PM on December 30, 2014
I guess I'm looking for perspective - what are the good things that are going to come as a result of this change? What do I have to look forward to? Why should I be excited about this, rather than depressed? What should I focus on to remind myself that I'm doing the right thing?
Hey that's great! There are other routines, many of them significantly less destructive to your physical and emotional health than regular heavy drinking, that are okay as far as routines go. Try some out. I was a self-medicating drinker for a time and I found that pushing the stress I was avoiding ahead of me made dealing with the dread of this future stress make drinking seem like a good idea. I slept poorly and was a weird creep about my solo drinking. I don't miss that person.
How about having a night that ends in something other than solo drinking? Seeing friends? Watching a movie or reading a book and then falling asleep thinking about things instead of thinking about nothing or about how you feel "good" because you're not feeling in pain. You can get treatment for the things that are hurting you and get realistic assessments about how bad it really is instead of just believing "It's pretty bad" and then ... the dread. Living in constant fear of future pain is no way to live.
You won't be a shitty parent! I mean you may still be for other reasons but you're never going to have to look a partner or a child in the face and tell them that they are a bad person because they want you to quit drinking. Seriously, that person sucks. Be the person that handles this before it handles you.
You will save time, money and calories that can be spent doing things that are more fun. There is a very good chance that sex will be more enjoyable and that you can enjoy it with people who do not have their own substance abuse problems. And hey if it turns out you don't have a real problem but just needed some perspective, you can still drink just not ALL THE TIME. It's possible, and people do it all the time. The perspective you'll gain from giving it a chance will help whatever future decisions you want to make about your life and drinking.
posted by jessamyn at 4:27 PM on December 30, 2014 [2 favorites]
Hey that's great! There are other routines, many of them significantly less destructive to your physical and emotional health than regular heavy drinking, that are okay as far as routines go. Try some out. I was a self-medicating drinker for a time and I found that pushing the stress I was avoiding ahead of me made dealing with the dread of this future stress make drinking seem like a good idea. I slept poorly and was a weird creep about my solo drinking. I don't miss that person.
How about having a night that ends in something other than solo drinking? Seeing friends? Watching a movie or reading a book and then falling asleep thinking about things instead of thinking about nothing or about how you feel "good" because you're not feeling in pain. You can get treatment for the things that are hurting you and get realistic assessments about how bad it really is instead of just believing "It's pretty bad" and then ... the dread. Living in constant fear of future pain is no way to live.
You won't be a shitty parent! I mean you may still be for other reasons but you're never going to have to look a partner or a child in the face and tell them that they are a bad person because they want you to quit drinking. Seriously, that person sucks. Be the person that handles this before it handles you.
You will save time, money and calories that can be spent doing things that are more fun. There is a very good chance that sex will be more enjoyable and that you can enjoy it with people who do not have their own substance abuse problems. And hey if it turns out you don't have a real problem but just needed some perspective, you can still drink just not ALL THE TIME. It's possible, and people do it all the time. The perspective you'll gain from giving it a chance will help whatever future decisions you want to make about your life and drinking.
posted by jessamyn at 4:27 PM on December 30, 2014 [2 favorites]
In three months, maybe you'll be emotionally ready to drink again. You may be able to look forward to drinking two or three glasses of wine, not because you need to, but because they're so dang tasty and you like how they make you feel! And the day after that, you'll feel a little hung over, but it'll be okay, and you'll decide to not drink for two days, and you'll feel good about that.
-OR-
You'll realize you don't ever want to drink again. Maybe you're actually an alcoholic and alcohol just doesn't agree with you, and you'll be clearheaded enough to decide to keep sober and be that person drinking club soda at a bar just because you enjoy being there with other people who can drink a moderate amount.
-OR-
Things will go back to how they are now, but you'll remember that you were able to quit when you realized you'd had enough, and you'll be more cautious in your drinking.
posted by disconnect at 6:06 PM on December 30, 2014 [2 favorites]
-OR-
You'll realize you don't ever want to drink again. Maybe you're actually an alcoholic and alcohol just doesn't agree with you, and you'll be clearheaded enough to decide to keep sober and be that person drinking club soda at a bar just because you enjoy being there with other people who can drink a moderate amount.
-OR-
Things will go back to how they are now, but you'll remember that you were able to quit when you realized you'd had enough, and you'll be more cautious in your drinking.
posted by disconnect at 6:06 PM on December 30, 2014 [2 favorites]
If you can find a delicious non-alcoholic drink to have at the time of night when you would usually go for the alcohol, you can frame it to yourself not as "giving up drinking" but as "replacing x drink with y drink".
When I stopped drinking for a while, I stocked my fridge with a whole bunch of syrups (elderflower, ginger, bitters, grenadine, grapefruit, blackcurrant, etc) and some sparkling waters, plus various garnishes like berries, limes, little umbrellas. And when I got the urge for a drink I'd make up some elaborate concoction from those in a cocktail glass and get sipping. I'd take these sorts of things to parties too, and often the drinkers would swap to the non-alcoholic stuff because my "cocktails" looked like way more fun.
posted by lollusc at 6:54 PM on December 30, 2014 [6 favorites]
When I stopped drinking for a while, I stocked my fridge with a whole bunch of syrups (elderflower, ginger, bitters, grenadine, grapefruit, blackcurrant, etc) and some sparkling waters, plus various garnishes like berries, limes, little umbrellas. And when I got the urge for a drink I'd make up some elaborate concoction from those in a cocktail glass and get sipping. I'd take these sorts of things to parties too, and often the drinkers would swap to the non-alcoholic stuff because my "cocktails" looked like way more fun.
posted by lollusc at 6:54 PM on December 30, 2014 [6 favorites]
Good on you! The advice above is good. If you persevere for a week or two, in my experience, abstinence becomes easier and more routine. Treat yourself with the money you save. Read quick and easy mystery novels. If you're looking after your health, maybe throw yourself into learning how to cook nutritiously.
You're doing the right thing for you. That's awesome.
posted by JackBurden at 7:30 PM on December 30, 2014 [1 favorite]
You're doing the right thing for you. That's awesome.
posted by JackBurden at 7:30 PM on December 30, 2014 [1 favorite]
All the above are good reasons to cut back or eliminate drinking. You really will feel healthier and most likely lose weight.
About 7 years ago I went from being a Jr. alcoholic to nearly abstinent. I would never have thought it possible. Part of that is medical - I get horrible headaches - but part is once I broke the routine it just wasn't as appealing any more. If I can do it - heck just about anyone can.
posted by hockeyfan at 8:52 PM on December 30, 2014
About 7 years ago I went from being a Jr. alcoholic to nearly abstinent. I would never have thought it possible. Part of that is medical - I get horrible headaches - but part is once I broke the routine it just wasn't as appealing any more. If I can do it - heck just about anyone can.
posted by hockeyfan at 8:52 PM on December 30, 2014
I had a profoundly embarrassing experience last spring after drinking too much one night, and decided while going cold turkey wasn't what I wanted, I did want to radically re-evaluate my relationship with alcohol, and I've been fairly successful. Here's what I did:
-Took an entire month off from drinking. No "just one drink allowed." Nothing. I avoided socializing at bars, but if I were out at a nice restaurant, I asked if the bartender could make a fancy non-boozy drink. This is becoming more common even in my mid-size Midwestern city, so I don't think it's weird at all. At home, I drank a lot of nice fizzy water with fun homemade and commercial simple syrups.
-When I returned to drinking, I set some strict limits for myself. I take at least one day off from any drinks, and in general, keep it to 2 or fewer drinks on the other days.
-This is probably the key part: I write down literally every drink I have had since my month of not drinking in a little diary. Writing this down keeps me accountable, and gives me a log to consult in case I start backsliding into some old habits.
-I try to avoid situations where it's easy to overdo it. For example, no more beer fests for me.
When I decided to step back my relationship with booze, I found a lot of very judge-y advice on this -- like the idea that if you think about your next drink, you're automatically an alcoholic, or if you track your drinks, it means you're in denial about your problem. In the US, there's very much a "total sobriety or you're a time bomb" mentality. It can be hard to find good advice about simply dialing back your drinking. Rethinking Drinking and this website from Notre Dame were somewhat helpful to me.
Of course sobriety is the only option for a lot of people. But it's hard to tell whether this is what you're seeking, or just a re-evaluation of your relationship with alcohol. You mention you're going to lay off drinking for "a while" but if "a while" isn't forever, I highly advise you to consider what your game plan is well before you go back to having a drink.
posted by mostly vowels at 7:12 AM on December 31, 2014 [5 favorites]
-Took an entire month off from drinking. No "just one drink allowed." Nothing. I avoided socializing at bars, but if I were out at a nice restaurant, I asked if the bartender could make a fancy non-boozy drink. This is becoming more common even in my mid-size Midwestern city, so I don't think it's weird at all. At home, I drank a lot of nice fizzy water with fun homemade and commercial simple syrups.
-When I returned to drinking, I set some strict limits for myself. I take at least one day off from any drinks, and in general, keep it to 2 or fewer drinks on the other days.
-This is probably the key part: I write down literally every drink I have had since my month of not drinking in a little diary. Writing this down keeps me accountable, and gives me a log to consult in case I start backsliding into some old habits.
-I try to avoid situations where it's easy to overdo it. For example, no more beer fests for me.
When I decided to step back my relationship with booze, I found a lot of very judge-y advice on this -- like the idea that if you think about your next drink, you're automatically an alcoholic, or if you track your drinks, it means you're in denial about your problem. In the US, there's very much a "total sobriety or you're a time bomb" mentality. It can be hard to find good advice about simply dialing back your drinking. Rethinking Drinking and this website from Notre Dame were somewhat helpful to me.
Of course sobriety is the only option for a lot of people. But it's hard to tell whether this is what you're seeking, or just a re-evaluation of your relationship with alcohol. You mention you're going to lay off drinking for "a while" but if "a while" isn't forever, I highly advise you to consider what your game plan is well before you go back to having a drink.
posted by mostly vowels at 7:12 AM on December 31, 2014 [5 favorites]
I gave up drinking for 90 days in 2014 and am about to do it again in 2015. Here are the positive things I discovered:
I slept a lot better and after a little while needed a lot less sleep to feel rested. This meant a lot less time-crunch/stress in the morning getting ready for work.
I learned a lot more about my friends; I was a much better listener when not impaired.
My focus improved: I read over 60 books in 2014; it was a lot easier to focus on something that I love when not buzzed.
I lost weight.
I remembered a lot of other things I loved to do that I had forgotten about: listening to music, going for long walks, coloring.
posted by CMcG at 8:25 AM on December 31, 2014 [1 favorite]
I slept a lot better and after a little while needed a lot less sleep to feel rested. This meant a lot less time-crunch/stress in the morning getting ready for work.
I learned a lot more about my friends; I was a much better listener when not impaired.
My focus improved: I read over 60 books in 2014; it was a lot easier to focus on something that I love when not buzzed.
I lost weight.
I remembered a lot of other things I loved to do that I had forgotten about: listening to music, going for long walks, coloring.
posted by CMcG at 8:25 AM on December 31, 2014 [1 favorite]
Honestly, you have asked my very next AskMe question. I mean, you have written exactly what is in my mind.
I have resolved that 2015 will be my year to stop drinking, mainly because I want to lose weight and feel better. If you are interested in having an accountability partner/cheerleader, shoot me a MeMail and perhaps we can work something out. We could try it for January and see if it helps and then reevaluate.
Either way, all the best to you in 2015, and good luck!
posted by 4ster at 8:58 AM on December 31, 2014 [2 favorites]
I have resolved that 2015 will be my year to stop drinking, mainly because I want to lose weight and feel better. If you are interested in having an accountability partner/cheerleader, shoot me a MeMail and perhaps we can work something out. We could try it for January and see if it helps and then reevaluate.
Either way, all the best to you in 2015, and good luck!
posted by 4ster at 8:58 AM on December 31, 2014 [2 favorites]
This is a great goal!
You might find it helpful to make a little list that you can keep handy with all the reasons that you want to give up drinking so you can take a look at it every time you feel tempted. It could be a piece of paper in your wallet, a post it note on the bathroom mirror, or maybe a note in your phone.
When I was quitting smoking, I made up a little calendar, and for each day I didn't smoke, I gave myself $x that would go towards something I really wanted to get myself but hadn't purchased yet because it was kind of expensive. If I caved and did smoke, I would take away $x instead of adding it. It was a nice little reward system.
With alcohol, when I quit, here are some of the things I noticed:
1. After some initial fogginess, my brain felt a lot sharper.
2. I lost some weight and generally looked and felt healthier.
3. Better sleep.
4. No more feeling guilty about drinking.
5. More energy
6. More time to pursue other things.
This is a great time to take up new hobbies! I started knitting and crocheting, but there are lots of other things you could do. Like starting to bike, joining a gym, learning a musical instrument, taking a class, or any number of other things.
It may not be easy, but I do think you'll feel better in the long term. In the early days, though, the most important thing is to just stick to your commitment to yourself no matter what.
Good luck!
posted by litera scripta manet at 9:30 AM on December 31, 2014
You might find it helpful to make a little list that you can keep handy with all the reasons that you want to give up drinking so you can take a look at it every time you feel tempted. It could be a piece of paper in your wallet, a post it note on the bathroom mirror, or maybe a note in your phone.
When I was quitting smoking, I made up a little calendar, and for each day I didn't smoke, I gave myself $x that would go towards something I really wanted to get myself but hadn't purchased yet because it was kind of expensive. If I caved and did smoke, I would take away $x instead of adding it. It was a nice little reward system.
With alcohol, when I quit, here are some of the things I noticed:
1. After some initial fogginess, my brain felt a lot sharper.
2. I lost some weight and generally looked and felt healthier.
3. Better sleep.
4. No more feeling guilty about drinking.
5. More energy
6. More time to pursue other things.
This is a great time to take up new hobbies! I started knitting and crocheting, but there are lots of other things you could do. Like starting to bike, joining a gym, learning a musical instrument, taking a class, or any number of other things.
It may not be easy, but I do think you'll feel better in the long term. In the early days, though, the most important thing is to just stick to your commitment to yourself no matter what.
Good luck!
posted by litera scripta manet at 9:30 AM on December 31, 2014
Now you can drive to places at night.
But if you don't want to drive to places at night, you still don't have to. If someone asks you to, you still have the right to say no. You're not obligated to drive just because you're sober. Not drinking doesn't come with obligations to do anything. It might open up some more possibilities, but you're not obligated to take any of them, and you're not a bad person if you don't.
You can take up healthy hobbies like going to the gym. Or you can sit at home and watch TV or play video games. Either way, you're still healthier than you were when you were drinking too much. Don't feel like you have to be perfect.
If you want escapism, you can have that without drinking. You can watch TV, read, play video games, and lots of other stuff. Again, you're better off than you were, even if you are not perfect.
If there is some person or type of person who doesn't drink and you don't want to be like them, not drinking doesn't mean you have to be like them. There are lots of ways to live without drinking. Whatever things that person or type of person did that you found annoying, you can almost certainly not drink and not do those things. There are non-drinkers in every gender, race, culture, and religion. (Yes, that does include Russians and Irish, around 20% of them according to the WHO. Really.) There are families and groups of friends where some members drink and some don't.
Some people are weird about people who don't drink. Try to avoid situations where you have to interact with those people. Some people might just say awkward things on finding out you don't drink. They're the ones being weird and awkward, not you (unless you really are telling people you don't drink in a jerky or judgy way). Learn to tell people you don't drink without implying judgment on anyone who does. And remember, you don't have to explain to anyone why you're not drinking any more. It really is none of their business if you don't want to discuss it with them. Polite people will realize this and back off. If someone is not polite, that is their problem and not yours.
posted by Anne Neville at 11:13 AM on December 31, 2014 [2 favorites]
But if you don't want to drive to places at night, you still don't have to. If someone asks you to, you still have the right to say no. You're not obligated to drive just because you're sober. Not drinking doesn't come with obligations to do anything. It might open up some more possibilities, but you're not obligated to take any of them, and you're not a bad person if you don't.
You can take up healthy hobbies like going to the gym. Or you can sit at home and watch TV or play video games. Either way, you're still healthier than you were when you were drinking too much. Don't feel like you have to be perfect.
If you want escapism, you can have that without drinking. You can watch TV, read, play video games, and lots of other stuff. Again, you're better off than you were, even if you are not perfect.
If there is some person or type of person who doesn't drink and you don't want to be like them, not drinking doesn't mean you have to be like them. There are lots of ways to live without drinking. Whatever things that person or type of person did that you found annoying, you can almost certainly not drink and not do those things. There are non-drinkers in every gender, race, culture, and religion. (Yes, that does include Russians and Irish, around 20% of them according to the WHO. Really.) There are families and groups of friends where some members drink and some don't.
Some people are weird about people who don't drink. Try to avoid situations where you have to interact with those people. Some people might just say awkward things on finding out you don't drink. They're the ones being weird and awkward, not you (unless you really are telling people you don't drink in a jerky or judgy way). Learn to tell people you don't drink without implying judgment on anyone who does. And remember, you don't have to explain to anyone why you're not drinking any more. It really is none of their business if you don't want to discuss it with them. Polite people will realize this and back off. If someone is not polite, that is their problem and not yours.
posted by Anne Neville at 11:13 AM on December 31, 2014 [2 favorites]
You need a new and relaxing evening routine. Can you take a nice bath every night?
posted by Jacqueline at 11:52 AM on December 31, 2014
posted by Jacqueline at 11:52 AM on December 31, 2014
This question is timely for me, as I have exactly, as in to the day, 8 years with no alcohol.
I decided to stop drinking for a year on December 31st 2006. It wasn't a New Year's Resolution, per se. It just worked out that way. A full 8 years later, exactly, I have not had one drop of alcohol. I had struggled with alcohol, and addiction in general, for years, and although prior to quitting I managed to reduce my use to the point where I was functional, alcohol was still woven deeply into my life, my coping, my identity, my entertainment, my social group and much else.
On that night 8 years ago, when I decided to stop for "just a year," I remember being frightened. Petrified at the thought even. Depressed as you say. It was a truly scary thought for me. Ironically, that is one of the most reliable things that has kept me away from alcohol so long. I never want to go back to a place where I am depressed or scared of having to live without alcohol. It is a very distressing place to live. It is also a complete lie and a byproduct of alcohol use itself. Living a life where alcohol seems essential is what now scares me and is one of the things that has kept me sober well beyond my initial one year plan.
I won't lie, the first year was tough for me. There were many days I found myself walking slowly by bars. Or in bars with a club soda and some white knuckles. The year prior to actually quitting taught me something though. Twice I stopped drinking for 3 months and decided that I could obviously control my drinking and would have a beer or something. 3 months later I realized my drinking had ratcheted back up to where I started and stopped again for another 3 months, only to have the same thing happen. So on that night 8 years ago, I admitted that I was not able to moderate myself and decided to quit for a year, to make that commitment, and assess things then. I bring this up because if you happen to "relapse" or whatever, it might just be part of your sobering up process.
That first year I had a physical calendar that I x'ed out days as they passed. I also added a smiley, frowny or neutral face for how the day was for me. I quickly realized there were a lot more :) than :( or :|. This helped me when I was getting that alcoholic fortune-telling thinking that would tell me "Nothing would ever be good again" or "I need drinking to feel ok."
Another thing that helped me greatly was always giving myself permission to drink, but only tomorrow. This keeps you from doing the impossible, i.e., living a year without alcohol in one go. All you really have to do is make it to bedtime... much easier than living a whole year without it. Getting to bed without alcohol was also a lot easier if I legitimately gave myself permission to drink the next day if I chose. Invariably, I woke up relieved and quite happy that I didn't drink and wasn't hung over and my commitment to myself was still intact. This was my take on the "one day at a time" idea, and it's something I still have to trot out once in a while, even though living without alcohol is second nature to me at this point.
You may want to distance yourself from alcohol, but ultimately it is your choice to pick up a drink on a given day or not. Just like it's your choice to rob a store or not. You can clearly see how robbing a store would work out pretty poorly for you, so you don't do it and you don't need to separate yourself from cash registers in order to prevent it. You just see that it's probably not a good idea for you to hold up that bodega, so you don't. This is the sort decision not drinking has to become in order to stop, even for a year. It just has to become a decision that you don't see is a good idea for you personally, at this time, no matter what anyone else in the room is doing, or how much you think it would help you feel better. Some of it is willpower, sure, but most of it is clear thinking.
And that's it. Clear thinking. More than a fear of returning to a place where I feel I need alcohol, and more than my clear perception that I can't moderate my alcohol usage, and more than the demonstrable evidence I can live a life of mostly good days without alcohol, the thing that kept me sober so long after my one year commitment was the realization, after that first year passed, that I was just beginning to sober up. It took that year to realize how infused my thinking, my preferences, my desires were with alcohol or alcoholic thinking. It took that year, which was filled with quite a bit of effort, for the fog to begin to lift. When you drink a lot, you feel that you are sober on those Tuesdays and Wednesdays or whatever days you happen to not drink, if you have those days at all. But in reality, for me at least, I realized alcohol was still hugely influential on my thinking. It influenced what restaurants I wanted to go to, who I wanted to see, where I wanted to go. Only after a year did I begin to think clearly without it, and that is what made me commit to another year of sobriety, a year that turned out quite difficult and perhaps the hardest for me to stay sober.
There will always be reasons to drink again. I have a laundry list of crappy things that happened to me over the last 8 years including surgeries, homelessness, unemployment, audits and other really fun stuff that were perfectly good excuses for a double. But there were also always my reasons to not drink, some of which I have listed above. In order to quit, even for the year, you need to find your reasons. You need to build them. You need to believe in them, but more than believe, you need to see they are truer and healthier than the type of thinking that tells you that you need alcohol for a happy life. Find your reasons. Build them. Hold on to them. Happy new year and best of luck.
posted by milarepa at 1:00 PM on December 31, 2014 [8 favorites]
I decided to stop drinking for a year on December 31st 2006. It wasn't a New Year's Resolution, per se. It just worked out that way. A full 8 years later, exactly, I have not had one drop of alcohol. I had struggled with alcohol, and addiction in general, for years, and although prior to quitting I managed to reduce my use to the point where I was functional, alcohol was still woven deeply into my life, my coping, my identity, my entertainment, my social group and much else.
On that night 8 years ago, when I decided to stop for "just a year," I remember being frightened. Petrified at the thought even. Depressed as you say. It was a truly scary thought for me. Ironically, that is one of the most reliable things that has kept me away from alcohol so long. I never want to go back to a place where I am depressed or scared of having to live without alcohol. It is a very distressing place to live. It is also a complete lie and a byproduct of alcohol use itself. Living a life where alcohol seems essential is what now scares me and is one of the things that has kept me sober well beyond my initial one year plan.
I won't lie, the first year was tough for me. There were many days I found myself walking slowly by bars. Or in bars with a club soda and some white knuckles. The year prior to actually quitting taught me something though. Twice I stopped drinking for 3 months and decided that I could obviously control my drinking and would have a beer or something. 3 months later I realized my drinking had ratcheted back up to where I started and stopped again for another 3 months, only to have the same thing happen. So on that night 8 years ago, I admitted that I was not able to moderate myself and decided to quit for a year, to make that commitment, and assess things then. I bring this up because if you happen to "relapse" or whatever, it might just be part of your sobering up process.
That first year I had a physical calendar that I x'ed out days as they passed. I also added a smiley, frowny or neutral face for how the day was for me. I quickly realized there were a lot more :) than :( or :|. This helped me when I was getting that alcoholic fortune-telling thinking that would tell me "Nothing would ever be good again" or "I need drinking to feel ok."
Another thing that helped me greatly was always giving myself permission to drink, but only tomorrow. This keeps you from doing the impossible, i.e., living a year without alcohol in one go. All you really have to do is make it to bedtime... much easier than living a whole year without it. Getting to bed without alcohol was also a lot easier if I legitimately gave myself permission to drink the next day if I chose. Invariably, I woke up relieved and quite happy that I didn't drink and wasn't hung over and my commitment to myself was still intact. This was my take on the "one day at a time" idea, and it's something I still have to trot out once in a while, even though living without alcohol is second nature to me at this point.
You may want to distance yourself from alcohol, but ultimately it is your choice to pick up a drink on a given day or not. Just like it's your choice to rob a store or not. You can clearly see how robbing a store would work out pretty poorly for you, so you don't do it and you don't need to separate yourself from cash registers in order to prevent it. You just see that it's probably not a good idea for you to hold up that bodega, so you don't. This is the sort decision not drinking has to become in order to stop, even for a year. It just has to become a decision that you don't see is a good idea for you personally, at this time, no matter what anyone else in the room is doing, or how much you think it would help you feel better. Some of it is willpower, sure, but most of it is clear thinking.
And that's it. Clear thinking. More than a fear of returning to a place where I feel I need alcohol, and more than my clear perception that I can't moderate my alcohol usage, and more than the demonstrable evidence I can live a life of mostly good days without alcohol, the thing that kept me sober so long after my one year commitment was the realization, after that first year passed, that I was just beginning to sober up. It took that year to realize how infused my thinking, my preferences, my desires were with alcohol or alcoholic thinking. It took that year, which was filled with quite a bit of effort, for the fog to begin to lift. When you drink a lot, you feel that you are sober on those Tuesdays and Wednesdays or whatever days you happen to not drink, if you have those days at all. But in reality, for me at least, I realized alcohol was still hugely influential on my thinking. It influenced what restaurants I wanted to go to, who I wanted to see, where I wanted to go. Only after a year did I begin to think clearly without it, and that is what made me commit to another year of sobriety, a year that turned out quite difficult and perhaps the hardest for me to stay sober.
There will always be reasons to drink again. I have a laundry list of crappy things that happened to me over the last 8 years including surgeries, homelessness, unemployment, audits and other really fun stuff that were perfectly good excuses for a double. But there were also always my reasons to not drink, some of which I have listed above. In order to quit, even for the year, you need to find your reasons. You need to build them. You need to believe in them, but more than believe, you need to see they are truer and healthier than the type of thinking that tells you that you need alcohol for a happy life. Find your reasons. Build them. Hold on to them. Happy new year and best of luck.
posted by milarepa at 1:00 PM on December 31, 2014 [8 favorites]
I gave up drinking for most of 2013 when I was pregnant, and while I wouldn't have called myself a problem drinker, I was definitely in the habit of having one or two beers most nights and was finding it a hard habit to break out of. The prospect of not being able to drink at all was the thing that I was most worried about when we started trying to get pregnant, but to my surprise, it ended up to be easy once the rubber hit the road. It turns out I'm one of those "bright line" folks who do better with an all-or-nothing approach (versus a moderation approach) to bad habits, because the cognitive burden of figuring out whether a drink tonight was okay or not okay if I was trying to moderate my drinking overall was *tiring*, and I didn't have a great track record of turning down drinks when they were offered.
In fact, I've enjoyed the unexpected benefits of not drinking during pregnancy so much that I continued to mostly abstain through the first year of my kid's life, ostensibly because I was breastfeeding but more accurately because drinking has started to seem not particularly appealing and I don't usually want a drink even when others are partaking. For me, the biggest benefits have been:
1. Sleep! My sleep was never bad before, but it's amazing how much more refreshed I feel when I'm sleeping more deeply and I'm not waking up slightly dehydrated.
2. Transportation ease. I was surprised how much easier my social life got once I didn't have to strategize and/or negotiate with my husband how we were going to get home (read: who was going to not drink, or only have 1 drink) after going out with friends or going out on a date. For Christmas, I didn't have to spend the night at my parent's place (as my siblings did) because I wasn't having wine with dinner, and I could just... drive home with my kid when we were done. I live in a pretty car-oriented place where you have to drive to get places, so this might not be the same if you live somewhere with great public transit, but man was this an unexpected and freeing side effect of dropping booze.
3. Better relationship. I am surprised and embarrassed, still, how many cranky fights I picked with my husband after two beers--when I did not feel at all drunk--that have disappeared when the alcohol disappeared. If you asked me how I feel after a drink or two, I would tend to imagine that loose-jointed happy feeling--but the reality is that much more often, alcohol was exacerbating my tiredness and making me feel a low-grade crankiness every evening that peaked right around the time we were going to bed.
If you had told me in January 2013 that I'd pretty much stop drinking that year and not pick it up again even after I was done being pregnant and breastfeeding, I don't think I would have believed you. It was just too much part of my routine, and I felt like I had shitty willpower about sticking to my intentions to drink less when faced with that tempting, tempting beer in the fridge every night. But once the benefits kicked in, I kind of wondered why I hadn't done it a while ago. Good luck to you--I hope you find it has many pleasant unexpected benefits.
posted by iminurmefi at 2:14 PM on December 31, 2014 [1 favorite]
In fact, I've enjoyed the unexpected benefits of not drinking during pregnancy so much that I continued to mostly abstain through the first year of my kid's life, ostensibly because I was breastfeeding but more accurately because drinking has started to seem not particularly appealing and I don't usually want a drink even when others are partaking. For me, the biggest benefits have been:
1. Sleep! My sleep was never bad before, but it's amazing how much more refreshed I feel when I'm sleeping more deeply and I'm not waking up slightly dehydrated.
2. Transportation ease. I was surprised how much easier my social life got once I didn't have to strategize and/or negotiate with my husband how we were going to get home (read: who was going to not drink, or only have 1 drink) after going out with friends or going out on a date. For Christmas, I didn't have to spend the night at my parent's place (as my siblings did) because I wasn't having wine with dinner, and I could just... drive home with my kid when we were done. I live in a pretty car-oriented place where you have to drive to get places, so this might not be the same if you live somewhere with great public transit, but man was this an unexpected and freeing side effect of dropping booze.
3. Better relationship. I am surprised and embarrassed, still, how many cranky fights I picked with my husband after two beers--when I did not feel at all drunk--that have disappeared when the alcohol disappeared. If you asked me how I feel after a drink or two, I would tend to imagine that loose-jointed happy feeling--but the reality is that much more often, alcohol was exacerbating my tiredness and making me feel a low-grade crankiness every evening that peaked right around the time we were going to bed.
If you had told me in January 2013 that I'd pretty much stop drinking that year and not pick it up again even after I was done being pregnant and breastfeeding, I don't think I would have believed you. It was just too much part of my routine, and I felt like I had shitty willpower about sticking to my intentions to drink less when faced with that tempting, tempting beer in the fridge every night. But once the benefits kicked in, I kind of wondered why I hadn't done it a while ago. Good luck to you--I hope you find it has many pleasant unexpected benefits.
posted by iminurmefi at 2:14 PM on December 31, 2014 [1 favorite]
for me:
emotional stability
better sleep/ less insomnia
fewer arguments / less drama
better sexual 'performance'
less irritation
less humiliation/ increased confidence
less denial
increased ability to keep my mouth shut
increased mindfulness
less apathy
no more broken promises
more energy
less worry about my breath
increased ability to draw other personal boundaries
i don't beg for forgiveness anymore
no more dark circles under my eyes
more honored commitments
fewer complaints about my snoring
i can sit still in peace, not in a stupor
morning coffee is more enjoyable
more time to be creative
clearer judgement
increased appreciation for nature
less wanting in general
fewer greasy breakfasts/ crappy hangover food / healthier diet
i remember movies
less weeping
fewer stares
feel healthier
more sick-days at work to use
more fun time with my children
increased focus at work
better listener
fewer dangerous situations
i don't have to pace myself
less sneaking/ less lying
more dignity
fewer nightmares
increased empathy
less self-centeredness
more patience
fewer trips to the mini-mart
increased communication with loved ones
feel less trapped
less delusion/ anxiety
more opportunities to connect
read more books
less spilled paint
posted by mrmarley at 7:21 AM on January 1, 2015 [2 favorites]
emotional stability
better sleep/ less insomnia
fewer arguments / less drama
better sexual 'performance'
less irritation
less humiliation/ increased confidence
less denial
increased ability to keep my mouth shut
increased mindfulness
less apathy
no more broken promises
more energy
less worry about my breath
increased ability to draw other personal boundaries
i don't beg for forgiveness anymore
no more dark circles under my eyes
more honored commitments
fewer complaints about my snoring
i can sit still in peace, not in a stupor
morning coffee is more enjoyable
more time to be creative
clearer judgement
increased appreciation for nature
less wanting in general
fewer greasy breakfasts/ crappy hangover food / healthier diet
i remember movies
less weeping
fewer stares
feel healthier
more sick-days at work to use
more fun time with my children
increased focus at work
better listener
fewer dangerous situations
i don't have to pace myself
less sneaking/ less lying
more dignity
fewer nightmares
increased empathy
less self-centeredness
more patience
fewer trips to the mini-mart
increased communication with loved ones
feel less trapped
less delusion/ anxiety
more opportunities to connect
read more books
less spilled paint
posted by mrmarley at 7:21 AM on January 1, 2015 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by craven_morhead at 3:45 PM on December 30, 2014 [3 favorites]