How should I tell my grandpa I am pregnant and getting married?
December 9, 2014 7:13 AM Subscribe
I am so excited to be having a baby due in July. My partner and I were planning to start a family and marry in the new year, but were surprised early (my IUD failed!) and now everything is getting pushed forward. I will marry just before the new year I need help figuring out the best way to deal with my grandpa.
Complicating factors:
1) I don't have a great deal of contact with my family. I live in another country very far away, my childhood was abusive and I am happy to be far away, unfortunately that means people like my grandpa, as nice as he is, doesn't have a firm grasp on how my life is at the moment. I rarely visit. I write him a letter every month or two.
2)I am estranged with a certain family member "x" who will twist things the second they have the chance... I have to take that into account.
3) I was recently in a different relationship, it ended almost a year ago. My grandpa knows this and will think its very quick/ I was irresponsible etc.
Perhaps this relationship has started fast, but its something I have wanted for a very long time. And in no way would I stop this pregnancy just so I could work on everyone else's timeline.
And I wasn't irresponsible... I'm 33 and this is the first time I have ever been pregnant with someone since I have been meticulous about birth control and wanting to be with the right person- and the father to be is a fantastic man, we feel lucky every day.
4) I had an ill advised marriage over 10 years ago when I was in my very early 20's- my grandpa disinherited me, but then put me back in later. I would like to not be disinherited again.
5) We are so happy. This is a much wanted baby and we are very much in love and ready to be married to each other. It pains me that this looks like an accident and rushed. In no way is that how we feel about it. And age wise it couldn't come too soon as my soon to be spouse is in his 40s and I am in my early 30s.
6) So we are marrying very quietly with no family present on either side. None of my family will have a problem with this (aside from him) or be hurt. My grandpa wouldn't even attend if he were invited, he is 90 and doesn't travel any more.
Its just the telling him so that I sound like a normal adult, or as close as possible.
This will be his first great grand child.
What are my options here?
Complicating factors:
1) I don't have a great deal of contact with my family. I live in another country very far away, my childhood was abusive and I am happy to be far away, unfortunately that means people like my grandpa, as nice as he is, doesn't have a firm grasp on how my life is at the moment. I rarely visit. I write him a letter every month or two.
2)I am estranged with a certain family member "x" who will twist things the second they have the chance... I have to take that into account.
3) I was recently in a different relationship, it ended almost a year ago. My grandpa knows this and will think its very quick/ I was irresponsible etc.
Perhaps this relationship has started fast, but its something I have wanted for a very long time. And in no way would I stop this pregnancy just so I could work on everyone else's timeline.
And I wasn't irresponsible... I'm 33 and this is the first time I have ever been pregnant with someone since I have been meticulous about birth control and wanting to be with the right person- and the father to be is a fantastic man, we feel lucky every day.
4) I had an ill advised marriage over 10 years ago when I was in my very early 20's- my grandpa disinherited me, but then put me back in later. I would like to not be disinherited again.
5) We are so happy. This is a much wanted baby and we are very much in love and ready to be married to each other. It pains me that this looks like an accident and rushed. In no way is that how we feel about it. And age wise it couldn't come too soon as my soon to be spouse is in his 40s and I am in my early 30s.
6) So we are marrying very quietly with no family present on either side. None of my family will have a problem with this (aside from him) or be hurt. My grandpa wouldn't even attend if he were invited, he is 90 and doesn't travel any more.
Its just the telling him so that I sound like a normal adult, or as close as possible.
This will be his first great grand child.
What are my options here?
"Hi, Grandpa. I'm eloping with a wonderful man, and we're going to have a baby soon. Would you like to come meet your first great-grandchild?"
The old man's an adult. Just give it to him straight. If he can't deal with it, that's his problem. You aren't obligated to consider his opinions about your life choices. His opinion, like his asshole, is his problem.
posted by starbreaker at 7:17 AM on December 9, 2014 [10 favorites]
The old man's an adult. Just give it to him straight. If he can't deal with it, that's his problem. You aren't obligated to consider his opinions about your life choices. His opinion, like his asshole, is his problem.
posted by starbreaker at 7:17 AM on December 9, 2014 [10 favorites]
Response by poster: I welcome all ideas for phrasing!
I am leaning towards writing a letter (I normally communicate that way) because his hearing isn't great... but he might THINK a phone call would be better. I feel I would better get the point across by letter, and, well, the hearing. Thoughts on that are welcome as well.
posted by catspajammies at 7:23 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
I am leaning towards writing a letter (I normally communicate that way) because his hearing isn't great... but he might THINK a phone call would be better. I feel I would better get the point across by letter, and, well, the hearing. Thoughts on that are welcome as well.
posted by catspajammies at 7:23 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Just tell him. I think you're overcomplicating this. Besides, grandchildren and great-grandchildren can do absolutely no wrong to most grandparents.
posted by xingcat at 7:23 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by xingcat at 7:23 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Is there any reason why you have to tell him about the pregnancy right now? Why not just tell him you are marrying, and break the news of the pregnancy later? Is he really going to do the math? Even if he does, babies come early all the time...
posted by yawper at 7:27 AM on December 9, 2014 [38 favorites]
posted by yawper at 7:27 AM on December 9, 2014 [38 favorites]
He's ninety and maybe it's really time for a visit in person. Can you plan on bringing the baby to meet him? If so, tell him that too. Or tell him after the baby is born.
posted by mareli at 7:30 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by mareli at 7:30 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Yup, this is the kind of thing that's best done in stages.
Dear Grandpa,
Louis and I have decided to marry quietly in a small ceremony. I know you'll be with us in spirit and we hope to visit with you soon so you can meet him. He's wonderful and we're both very happy.
Then a couple of months later:
Dear Grandpa,
I have fantastic news. Louis and I are going to be parents! We're expecting the baby in the late spring.
Trust me, your Grandpa loves you and wants the best for you. He will be thrilled!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:36 AM on December 9, 2014 [25 favorites]
Dear Grandpa,
Louis and I have decided to marry quietly in a small ceremony. I know you'll be with us in spirit and we hope to visit with you soon so you can meet him. He's wonderful and we're both very happy.
Then a couple of months later:
Dear Grandpa,
I have fantastic news. Louis and I are going to be parents! We're expecting the baby in the late spring.
Trust me, your Grandpa loves you and wants the best for you. He will be thrilled!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:36 AM on December 9, 2014 [25 favorites]
Oh!
Be sure to send him pictures.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:36 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Be sure to send him pictures.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:36 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Tell your Grandfather your happy news in a letter first, and don't even share with the rest of your family for a while?
Like, make it something special between you and him?
And yep. It's time for a visit!
Congratulations!!
PS - I don't talk to my abusive birth family that lives far away. You're not missing much to severely limit contact with folks who abuse, bully, or tell lies about you. In fact, it's the smart thing to do.
posted by jbenben at 7:41 AM on December 9, 2014 [7 favorites]
Like, make it something special between you and him?
And yep. It's time for a visit!
Congratulations!!
PS - I don't talk to my abusive birth family that lives far away. You're not missing much to severely limit contact with folks who abuse, bully, or tell lies about you. In fact, it's the smart thing to do.
posted by jbenben at 7:41 AM on December 9, 2014 [7 favorites]
As a practical matter, even if you weren't getting married, you should wait to tell others about the pregnancy. The risk of miscarriage is significantly higher in the first trimester, which is why many people wait until 8-12 weeks to tell anybody.
posted by saeculorum at 7:43 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by saeculorum at 7:43 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
I agree that splitting it up is a fine option. Marriage announcement now, baby announcement later.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:49 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:49 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks so far!
A trip now is difficult, its just a bit too far and a bit too pricey. I'd rather make one after the baby arrives.
regarding waiting until 12 weeks to say anything. That time and the wedding are the same week... So I am starting to think about it now. I think my grandpa would prefer to know in advance about the wedding. In any case, it is all coming up quite quickly!
posted by catspajammies at 7:50 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
A trip now is difficult, its just a bit too far and a bit too pricey. I'd rather make one after the baby arrives.
regarding waiting until 12 weeks to say anything. That time and the wedding are the same week... So I am starting to think about it now. I think my grandpa would prefer to know in advance about the wedding. In any case, it is all coming up quite quickly!
posted by catspajammies at 7:50 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I would both call and write. I would write a longer letter with the good news and the day I posted the letter, I would call him. "Grandpa, I just posted a letter to you, but I wanted to tell you directly because I know how happy you will be for me. I am getting married! Isn't that great?"
As for the pregnancy, I would wait to tell everyone until the 12th week, but that is a matter of personal choice. I would tell Grandpa at the same time as everyone else. Word travels fast and you want him to hear it from you not the other relative that distorts things. I also wouldn't worry too much about the other relative. The truth speaks for itself.
By the way, this is all wonderful news! Good luck.
posted by 724A at 7:50 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
As for the pregnancy, I would wait to tell everyone until the 12th week, but that is a matter of personal choice. I would tell Grandpa at the same time as everyone else. Word travels fast and you want him to hear it from you not the other relative that distorts things. I also wouldn't worry too much about the other relative. The truth speaks for itself.
By the way, this is all wonderful news! Good luck.
posted by 724A at 7:50 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Agree with the folks saying to tell Grandpa about just the marriage now, and hold the baby news for later.
Writing a letter announcing you're getting married sounds like a great idea: it'll give him something to savor, over and over. I would also suggest you do that right away, so as to give less of an impression that the wedding was rushed or anything --- telling him "we ran off and got married this weekend" or "we're getting married next week" would sound far more rushed than telling him now that you're getting married next year. If at all possible, include a photo or two of you and your SO.
Dear Grandpa: I want you be the first to know, Tommy and I are planning to get married next summer! I wish you could be here for the wedding, as I would love for you be the one to give me away. But I totally understand if you can't make it, and I'll bring him to you as soon as we can arrange it. I hope Tommy and I have as wonderful of a life together as you and Grandma did. Love, your granddaughter, Cats.
Hold off on telling him about the baby until, say, February or March, so he doesn't end up thinking the only reason you're getting married is the baby: you want to leave him with the impression that the baby is a result of your love, not that the marriage is a result of your baby.
And mazel tov!
posted by easily confused at 7:52 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
Writing a letter announcing you're getting married sounds like a great idea: it'll give him something to savor, over and over. I would also suggest you do that right away, so as to give less of an impression that the wedding was rushed or anything --- telling him "we ran off and got married this weekend" or "we're getting married next week" would sound far more rushed than telling him now that you're getting married next year. If at all possible, include a photo or two of you and your SO.
Dear Grandpa: I want you be the first to know, Tommy and I are planning to get married next summer! I wish you could be here for the wedding, as I would love for you be the one to give me away. But I totally understand if you can't make it, and I'll bring him to you as soon as we can arrange it. I hope Tommy and I have as wonderful of a life together as you and Grandma did. Love, your granddaughter, Cats.
Hold off on telling him about the baby until, say, February or March, so he doesn't end up thinking the only reason you're getting married is the baby: you want to leave him with the impression that the baby is a result of your love, not that the marriage is a result of your baby.
And mazel tov!
posted by easily confused at 7:52 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
I agree with the folks who say not to share the pregnancy news in the same letter. Don't link these two things for him. History is filled with "early babies" who were full term. I'm not saying to lie. I'm saying not to give him all the information.
Your wedding is a joyful thing. Write him a letter about that. You don't have explain yourself or why. "We are so eager to begin our new life together..."
Also, when you tell him about the pregnancy, you don't need to do it at exactly 12 weeks and you don't need to share precise dates.
People can put two and two together. That doesn't mean you tell them four.
Some folks might count back after the baby is born. That's pretty rude, really. And once you have your lovely child in arms, people care about that a whole lot less.
If you are at a distance to your family, take advantage of that and limit the information that you share. It's more difficult for you, but better in the long run.
posted by bluedaisy at 8:13 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
Your wedding is a joyful thing. Write him a letter about that. You don't have explain yourself or why. "We are so eager to begin our new life together..."
Also, when you tell him about the pregnancy, you don't need to do it at exactly 12 weeks and you don't need to share precise dates.
People can put two and two together. That doesn't mean you tell them four.
Some folks might count back after the baby is born. That's pretty rude, really. And once you have your lovely child in arms, people care about that a whole lot less.
If you are at a distance to your family, take advantage of that and limit the information that you share. It's more difficult for you, but better in the long run.
posted by bluedaisy at 8:13 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Because of person "x" make sure you tell him first. Before you tell anyone else or the news finds it's way back to them through an accidental friend of a friend seeing a Facebook feed or whatever. Having lived with someone in their lives that likes to spin stories to their own advantage, you want to get the truth to him from you first. If you are holding off telling him about the baby, which I think is great idea if you didn't have this trouble maker, you have to be 100% sure news will not get back home about it any other way. Otherwise the truth twister will have a field day with it and you look like the "guilty" party for keeping it a secret.
posted by wwax at 8:14 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by wwax at 8:14 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Your grandpa is 90. He's seen some things, even if he's very conservative about things like divorce.
I might tell him you are eloping now, and tell him about the baby later. He can do the math when his great-grandchild arrives, but I'd bet he probably won't mention it.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:23 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
I might tell him you are eloping now, and tell him about the baby later. He can do the math when his great-grandchild arrives, but I'd bet he probably won't mention it.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:23 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
I agree. Wait to share the news about the baby. I was 15 weeks pregnant when we told my family, 18 weeks when we told my in-laws, and 20 weeks when we went truly public about it. No one thought that was "late." And you'd be well past your wedding. Congrats on both, by the way!
posted by Kriesa at 8:28 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by Kriesa at 8:28 AM on December 9, 2014
Best answer: A bunch of people are suggesting that you are overthinking this (I especially like the line about his opinion, like his asshole, being his own problem), but I'm not sure they're addressing what you buried in the middle of your post: "I had an ill advised marriage over 10 years ago when I was in my very early 20's- my grandpa disinherited me, but then put me back in later. I would like to not be disinherited again."
That disinheritance seems at odds with your affection for your grandpa, as opposed to the feelings you have for other members of your family, especially the abusive ones. Is that's what's worrying you? A disinheritance by a judgmental grandpa once he hears about your shotgun wedding? (And even if you tell him about the wedding now and about the baby later, he'll probably figure out eventually that you had a shotgun wedding.) Was the inheritance substantial, and the earlier disinheritance a financial decision to avoid waste by an irresponsible grandson-by-marriage, rather than a moral judgment? If so, describe your relationship and your fiancé in way that shows grandpa what a great guy your new man is and what a great place you are at. Or, if it's serious money, get a prenup.
Its just the telling him so that I sound like a normal adult
A normal adult writes, "Gramps, Guess what? I'm getting married in January! My fiancé is named ____, we met ___, and he's a ____. I've waited so long for this kind of relationship. We're so happy!" And so on.
But maybe an adult worried about being disinherited for a second time due to her life choices writes something different. Is that your problem?
posted by hhc5 at 9:11 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
That disinheritance seems at odds with your affection for your grandpa, as opposed to the feelings you have for other members of your family, especially the abusive ones. Is that's what's worrying you? A disinheritance by a judgmental grandpa once he hears about your shotgun wedding? (And even if you tell him about the wedding now and about the baby later, he'll probably figure out eventually that you had a shotgun wedding.) Was the inheritance substantial, and the earlier disinheritance a financial decision to avoid waste by an irresponsible grandson-by-marriage, rather than a moral judgment? If so, describe your relationship and your fiancé in way that shows grandpa what a great guy your new man is and what a great place you are at. Or, if it's serious money, get a prenup.
Its just the telling him so that I sound like a normal adult
A normal adult writes, "Gramps, Guess what? I'm getting married in January! My fiancé is named ____, we met ___, and he's a ____. I've waited so long for this kind of relationship. We're so happy!" And so on.
But maybe an adult worried about being disinherited for a second time due to her life choices writes something different. Is that your problem?
posted by hhc5 at 9:11 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: I should have been more clear about my first marriage.
My ex-husband was a really good guy, and we are still good friends but we had different religious backgrounds... and that was the sticking point for my grandpa. I do love him, and accepted his views, and we've enjoyed some visits in the last few years. I think that part of him is harsh, but I do love him.
You will all just have to take my word that I have a nice normal life and am a nice normal person- but X in particular has very craftily painted me as not nice and incommunicative with everyone because I have been boundaried with X individually and since I live abroad its very difficult for me to deal with and I have been the scapegoat for a long time. Which is why I choose to live very far away and not have lots of visits and drama with these people.
On this particular occasion in my life I would like to keep things nice with my grandpa and avoid any drama whatsoever, since this is the happiest time in my whole life.
Everyones answers have been so so helpful!
posted by catspajammies at 9:41 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
My ex-husband was a really good guy, and we are still good friends but we had different religious backgrounds... and that was the sticking point for my grandpa. I do love him, and accepted his views, and we've enjoyed some visits in the last few years. I think that part of him is harsh, but I do love him.
You will all just have to take my word that I have a nice normal life and am a nice normal person- but X in particular has very craftily painted me as not nice and incommunicative with everyone because I have been boundaried with X individually and since I live abroad its very difficult for me to deal with and I have been the scapegoat for a long time. Which is why I choose to live very far away and not have lots of visits and drama with these people.
On this particular occasion in my life I would like to keep things nice with my grandpa and avoid any drama whatsoever, since this is the happiest time in my whole life.
Everyones answers have been so so helpful!
posted by catspajammies at 9:41 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Best answer: but we had different religious backgrounds...
Ah. So grandpa is very religious. I think I can work with this.
First of all, the good news is that old fashioned conservative types sort of, in a lefthanded way, approve of shotgun weddings. It is not like you are calling to say "I got knocked up, dumped the guy and I am doing the single mom thing." That would probably be grounds for disinheritance again. So you need to work on finding a way to communicate (possibly in stages, as some folks have suggested) "I am in love, we wanted to marry, there was a whoopsy and he's a stand up guy and is doing right by your granddaughter" or something along those lines. Grandpa will be possibly be kind of a jerk and be all "damn straight, he better by do right by my granddaughter," but it is the morally correct thing to do in the eyes of very conservative people: Own up and make it right, by god. So it's not like he will be thrilled that it's a shotgun wedding, but he will likely approve of it in some sense.
Second, I got married at 19 and planned to have kids in my late twenties, only the kids apparently had another idea and I turned up pregnant at age 21. I cried because I knew I would have to tell my very conservative mother and all that. Ugh. I also spent time thinking about what I would tell that child, because all I knew was judge-y "you weren't really wanted -- you were an accident" kind of language. So I thought long and hard about how I would tell that child the truth without hurting said child.
He knows he was not exactly planned, but wasn't exactly unplanned either. He knows he was wanted, I just had planned to have him later. He has always been told he was "unfashionably early" and "a surprise birthday present from the universe" (he was born the day after I turned 22) and "the best birthday present I ever got" and things like that.
So, if you think it is okay to tell grandpa about the baby sooner rather than later, it might be possible to frame it in religious/spiritual terms and let him know that "I finally met The Right Guy. We are in love and already had plans to marry, but god/the universe (whatever language works for you here) had other plans and smiled upon us and granted us an early Christmas present. Congratulations, you will be a great grandfather next year and we have thus moved up the wedding to accommodate god's plans for us. Given that I am not getting any younger, we feel so fortunate and I wanted to share this with you and only you as I love you dearly. The rest of the family has not yet been told."
Congratulations! and good luck with grandpa. :-)
posted by Michele in California at 1:53 PM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Ah. So grandpa is very religious. I think I can work with this.
First of all, the good news is that old fashioned conservative types sort of, in a lefthanded way, approve of shotgun weddings. It is not like you are calling to say "I got knocked up, dumped the guy and I am doing the single mom thing." That would probably be grounds for disinheritance again. So you need to work on finding a way to communicate (possibly in stages, as some folks have suggested) "I am in love, we wanted to marry, there was a whoopsy and he's a stand up guy and is doing right by your granddaughter" or something along those lines. Grandpa will be possibly be kind of a jerk and be all "damn straight, he better by do right by my granddaughter," but it is the morally correct thing to do in the eyes of very conservative people: Own up and make it right, by god. So it's not like he will be thrilled that it's a shotgun wedding, but he will likely approve of it in some sense.
Second, I got married at 19 and planned to have kids in my late twenties, only the kids apparently had another idea and I turned up pregnant at age 21. I cried because I knew I would have to tell my very conservative mother and all that. Ugh. I also spent time thinking about what I would tell that child, because all I knew was judge-y "you weren't really wanted -- you were an accident" kind of language. So I thought long and hard about how I would tell that child the truth without hurting said child.
He knows he was not exactly planned, but wasn't exactly unplanned either. He knows he was wanted, I just had planned to have him later. He has always been told he was "unfashionably early" and "a surprise birthday present from the universe" (he was born the day after I turned 22) and "the best birthday present I ever got" and things like that.
So, if you think it is okay to tell grandpa about the baby sooner rather than later, it might be possible to frame it in religious/spiritual terms and let him know that "I finally met The Right Guy. We are in love and already had plans to marry, but god/the universe (whatever language works for you here) had other plans and smiled upon us and granted us an early Christmas present. Congratulations, you will be a great grandfather next year and we have thus moved up the wedding to accommodate god's plans for us. Given that I am not getting any younger, we feel so fortunate and I wanted to share this with you and only you as I love you dearly. The rest of the family has not yet been told."
Congratulations! and good luck with grandpa. :-)
posted by Michele in California at 1:53 PM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Congratulations and much happiness - for both a wonderful new husband and the joy of your child!
I'd definitely write Grandpa first and tell him what's going on, putting an emphasis on how happy you both are and how you're really excited about bringing your little one to meet his great-grandpa one day, etc. In the letter, I'd tell him you're going to call hiim on Dec 20 in the evening - or whatever works for you - to wish him a happy Christmas and share your excitement with him because you care about him very much.
By sending the letter first, he'll know before you call and if he's going to cuss and mutter about it (or roar) he can get it out of his system before you get him on the phone. By that time, he'll have calmed down and hopefully he'll be more ready to be happy for you.
If he does give you a hard time about the timing, tell him that things happen when God wants them to - your birth control has never failed before but it did this time and you got pregnant immediately, which means, to you, that it's supposed to be that way. Regardless, it IS the way it is and this baby will have the two happiest parents in the universe.
I managed to get my daughter to my grandfather when she was just a tiny baby, just a few months before he passed away, and I still get teary-eyed when I remember how tender he looked at her when I placed her in his arms. I'm so glad we got there in time. This was 48 years ago and I had to take a Greyhound bus with her on my lap to get to his house, 12 hours away from mine - and a cab to and from his house - so it wasn't easy or cheap, but it was so worth it. If you can find a way to do it, try to get the baby to Grandpa for a short visit; if you can't manage that, send lots of pics and videos.
Again, congratulations!
posted by aryma at 9:38 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I'd definitely write Grandpa first and tell him what's going on, putting an emphasis on how happy you both are and how you're really excited about bringing your little one to meet his great-grandpa one day, etc. In the letter, I'd tell him you're going to call hiim on Dec 20 in the evening - or whatever works for you - to wish him a happy Christmas and share your excitement with him because you care about him very much.
By sending the letter first, he'll know before you call and if he's going to cuss and mutter about it (or roar) he can get it out of his system before you get him on the phone. By that time, he'll have calmed down and hopefully he'll be more ready to be happy for you.
If he does give you a hard time about the timing, tell him that things happen when God wants them to - your birth control has never failed before but it did this time and you got pregnant immediately, which means, to you, that it's supposed to be that way. Regardless, it IS the way it is and this baby will have the two happiest parents in the universe.
I managed to get my daughter to my grandfather when she was just a tiny baby, just a few months before he passed away, and I still get teary-eyed when I remember how tender he looked at her when I placed her in his arms. I'm so glad we got there in time. This was 48 years ago and I had to take a Greyhound bus with her on my lap to get to his house, 12 hours away from mine - and a cab to and from his house - so it wasn't easy or cheap, but it was so worth it. If you can find a way to do it, try to get the baby to Grandpa for a short visit; if you can't manage that, send lots of pics and videos.
Again, congratulations!
posted by aryma at 9:38 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by catspajammies at 7:16 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]