Should I elope?
June 22, 2009 9:34 AM Subscribe
Should I elope to avoid potential drama?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (32 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
My fiance and I are both in our mid thirties. His mother is his only living parent, and she is a lovely, lovely person. The rest of his family is small, less than ten people. My family, while not enormous, is larger. Both of my parents are living, but I do not have close relationships with either of them. My mother is mentally ill, and my father is just a difficult person. I see them fairly frequently, at least monthly, so it's not the kind of situation where we don't talk at all. We just don't talk about anything personal, if that makes any sense.
My fiance and I have talked about eloping by ourselves, just going somewhere and getting married, and that seems like the practical choice for convenience, our finances, and lack of immediate drama. But... I keep thinking that I would like the parts of my family that are not crazy to be there when I get married. I'm not talking about a big wedding, just a small ceremony followed by dinner.
My relationship with my fiance is a contentious issue with my parents; I am white, and he is black. The rest of my family does not have this problem. There are members of his family that are not particularly thrilled by his choice of spouses, but I feel fairly certain that they will keep that to themselves. I cannot trust my mother in this regard. I believe that my father will be a little more circumspect, but I can't actually guarantee either of them will come if I invite them. I'm afraid my mother is going to say something absolutely horrible and make people uncomfortable.
Has anyone been in this situation before? What did you end up doing, and would you have handled it differently?