I Want You to Want Me
August 1, 2014 11:13 PM Subscribe
Is this some sort of mid-life crisis, a hormone thing, or both?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (12 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I am an average, soon to be 42-year-old woman. Stable, predictable, employed, and married with kids.
For the past six months I've been feeling like I want to attract all of the men. I want people to find me attractive. I want my husband's friends to find me attractive. I have fantasies of having other men desiring me. I'm thinking of what I'm going to wear, do, and say so they will find me attractive. I find myself having crushes on my husband's friends. This has happened more than once. More than anything I want them to want me. I want my husband to want me of course and he does. I'm thinking about how I can seduce him more as well and generally being more pleasant and trying to be attractive.
I'm thinking about it all of the time. I won't buy or wear clothes unless they are "feminine" (no "boy" clothes that I used to wear: sneakers, sweatshirts, oxfords, etc.). I am wearing makeup every day. I'm not dressing provocatively, just taking more care than normal to be more "appealing" and "feminine". I'm not eating as much as I normally do. On top of this I am regretful for all of the years that I've dressed plainly or more conservatively. I feel like I've wasted my youth by not putting my best foot forward when it came to grooming, beauty, clothes, exercise, etc. I've always been into my physical appearance but I never cared on a daily basis if I looked "feminine" and there were times when I've "let myself go" when my kids were younger. I have more serious regrets but this is a real regret lately. I know this all sounds crazy.
I am happily married and my husband and I have a great sex life. I would like sex more than once a week but our libidos are at different levels in our forties. I want it more and he wants it less. I don't want to force it because it's hotter when he really wants sex so I wait for him to initiate.
Is this some kind of hormonal surge? A need for validation? A mid-life crisis? Am I suffering from insecurity or a desperate feeling to prolong my youth? Part of me feels like all of my sexiness is going to fade away. I don't necessarily want to feel like this anymore and I don't want to care if my sexiness fades away because what does that mean anyway? What does it matter if strangers or my husband's friends find me sexy? I still want it though and sometimes I would love to know. I feel like it's making me into someone I'm not. I find myself being more shy and conscientious of my words around men instead of just being myself. I've dropped some of my interests because they are "unsexy". I have a fear that nobody will find me sexy now that I'm turning 42 and heading towards fifty.
If you had to analyze this what would you say and how can I get over it? I just want to be normal again, desire my husband only, and be myself. Thank you for any comments or advice.