We do (A + B) * (C + D) * (E + F)
July 21, 2014 9:54 AM Subscribe
I need to write a short blurb describing the services our group provides, which is basically defined in three dimensions, eg. "We provide services (A + B) for data types (C + D) in domains (E + F)." I imagine this is something faced by technical writers, is there some best practice for writing this sort of thing so that it is readable in plain English?
posted by bjrubble to Writing & Language (6 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Our two candidates right now (names changed to protect the guilty):
1. Org provides ServiceA, and ServiceB, for DataTypeA and DataTypeB. This includes DomainA, DomainB, DomainC and DomainD.
2. Org ServicesA, and ServicesB, DataTypeA and DataTypeB, including DomainA, DomainB, DomainC, and DomainD.
My concern with both of these is the many commas and conjunctions. The data types and domains are all relatively long technical terms (eg. "hydroacoustic"), so the overall structure of the sentences and grouping of terms doesn't scan very easily.
This needs to be very short and readable, it is basically a subheading in a document. The PTB insist that it cover all these features, since this is basically advertising the group within our organization.