What can I do in the short and long-term to process and cope with my dog's death?
I had to put my sweet, loving, stubborn, wonderful German Shepherd to sleep last night. He had cancer for a long time, I knew it was coming, and he went from a happy, normal dog to an unhappy dog in a matter of three days and it was very clearly time. I took him to the park on Sunday
, and on Monday morning, there was blood everywhere. Prednisone, a better day, and then everything fell apart on Wednesday night. I had a vet come to the house and it went as well as I could have expected. But I woke up this morning in tears, and I the enormity of the loss is just starting to hit me.
There's a lot of sadness, and a lot guilt. I keep turning over in mind the mornings I overslept and he got a short walk down the block, the times I took him for granted. I should have taken him to the park more. I did my best, but I worry that my best could have been better. Everyone says he was lucky to have me - I was lucky to have him.
The house is so quiet, and covered in dog fur. And blood. I have to clean up the blood today - I can't deal with seeing it anymore. I have to figure out what I'm going to do with his stuff. But I can barely bring myself to eat anything, never mind scrub the floors. I was thinking I'd keep, for sentimental reasons, his collar, leash, and favorite toy. I might also keep a couple bowls and his crate in case I find a stray. I will keep his blankets and use them for myself. I will throw out his beds. I will give away his food and other toys to neighborhood dogs.
I miss him so much. I will always miss him, right?
I'm single, my life is kind of a scattered mess, and I don't like my roommate and I'm planning on moving soon. Life was honestly pretty lonely before I found my dog. I don't want to go back to being that person. No one greets me at the door when I come home. We were a two-animal unit, dog and momma, and now it's just me. Just me sucks.
I don't believe in an afterlife. The rainbow bridge stuff just bugs me, honestly.
I just miss my baby bear so much. Does this get better? Are there concrete steps I can take to feel better? I went to a yoga class, and I cried. Maybe I'll just run a lot. What do I do? What did you do when your dog died?