Is history repeating itself?
June 6, 2014 10:48 AM Subscribe
Boyfriend has a history of commitment issues. Am I letting the past affect my future?
posted by askme to Human Relations (45 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I was with my current boyfriend previously for 3 years. Towards the end of the first go around he began asking me questions that made me feel like it was moving to the next level (ie. what furniture I would want to keep when we lived together?) We got in our maybe second real fight about my frustration on commuting to his place every weekend. That week we took time to ourselves, I knew he was pulling away but I thought it was because we both needed a time out. The following week he came to my house and broke up with me. I was very hurt and felt I had been lied too. We spent 2 years apart, no communication. Then a little over a year ago, he texted me out of the blue on suggestion from his then therapist. We met and began seeing each other again around March 2013. Christmas of last year he asked me what kind of a ring I wanted. In February he brought the subject up again, this time asking my ring size. Several other conversations occurred with him asking more detailed questions. We went to Hong Kong in April and he made a point to tell me that he was not going to ask me to marry him there, he wanted me to be able to celebrate with our family and friends. On May 22 I went out with a friend drinking and stupidly went to his house to ineffectively communicate how much I was ready to get married. In the conversation he told me he has purchased the ring. We've been bickering since then over petty things. A couple of days ago I tried to communicate with him about our bickering and the cause of it. Asking him to communicate with me about his feelings and thoughts but received no response, later that night he shut his phone off. I sent him an email saying "I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've been having feelings and fears similar to what we went though at the end of our last relationship. I think these fears are the cause of most of the arguments and bickering that have been going on. It may be a defense mechanism to help protect myself from hurt. I know there are insecurities on my part and I don't want to contribute in any way to the end of our relationship. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I look forward to our future and know we can work though anything." We haven't spoken in a couple days except for an email/text from him saying good morning and no response to the email. I've basically made plans for every day this weekend to keep myself busy. I know time will tell but people on ask.metafilter give such great advice I thought I would throw it out there.