Roommate Troubles: Should I bother keeping in touch.
May 12, 2014 3:56 PM Subscribe
I've made my roommate's life kinda shit the entire school year. Should I just get out of her life, or try to keep in touch in case I become a better person?
posted by bluekazoo to Human Relations (14 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Quick stuff about me: I'm a 21 year old woman who's graduating college in a month. I'm dealing with incredible feelings of pressure to pass my classes and secure a job before I graduate. Also, I have an incredible feelings of self loathing and worthlessness that I also have to deal with, so those are probably going to show up when I'm mentioning my issues.
Since I needed housing for my last year of college, I became roommates with my friend A. A was a good friend of mine for about 2 years (we're both girls, fyi). Even though she had tons of flaws which drive me up the wall, she was great to hang out with, but I've done the following things to piss her off:
- I've always been jealous of her social and dating skills. I feel like I've made smarter financial and career decisions and that I've shown more perseverance than her in school. Yet all her friends she has seem to love her more than most of mine love me. I know math =/= social skills but it still seems a bit unfair. My social skills were always lacking but only now have I been so self-conscious about them.
- I've been terrible at telling her what I want or need. I have convinced myself she is a more worthwhile person than me (which I conjectured based on how people seem to judge the both of us) so I've followed the belief of "It doesn't matter what I need as long as she's happy," except she still manages to care about me despite the nonsense I've made her endure.
- I've managed to make all of her friends hate me too. I believe our non-mutual friends think nothing of me (compared to her) and so I either make myself detestable by "proving" this hypothesis to them by being pitiful or (worse) by trying to disprove this belief which they probably don't have. I do things which I think will prove that I'm cool even though it's painfully obvious I'm deeply uncomfortable which only makes them dislike me more or begin to dislike me for having no self respect. Or I just act like I've got a stick up my ass and then they go away. Also, my jealousy makes it impossible for me to be in the house while she's having sex with her boyfriend or is having fun with him in some other awesome way. Go me! I've single handedly ruined A's social life and sex life!
OK, to the question finally: Should I make any attempts to remain her friend aside from the random texts I send her (which I plan to make fewer and farer between)?. I'm moving out about a month to my hometown (which is 4 hours away), and we both agree we'll both be happier for that. I just don't see why she'd want to be my friend anymore, especially since I've just been a complete passive aggressive monster this entire year.