There's plenty of literature out there about creepy men, "nice guys" and other types of that sort. Where are all the resources for this regarding *women?* Google is only giving me examples like she put [something gross] in my food or she made inappropriate references to getting pregnant. I'm looking for something more subtle. Bonus points if it's aimed toward socially-awkward nerdy types.
I'm a 23 year old woman. I don't consider myself creepy. However, there was a recent post
where someone continued to contact a woman after she'd asked to be left alone, and the response was resoundingly "wtf? that's creepy."
I didn't read his post that way, and that worries me. I found it irritating that he had failed to pick up on multiple social cues, but I considered his actions more socially awkward than creepy. Now I'm worried *I* might be creepy. This is the long and short of it, for those not wanting to continue on to the nitty-gritty details.
Anyway, I've done this - not as this person has - but I've had a few break ups where I'd cry/beg/plead enough that the person would ask to be left alone, and then I would continue to cry/beg/plead. After I did stop contact 100% I'd have a nasty habit of checking their social networking avenues, although I wouldn't make further contact. I also have a habit of snooping through e-mail or Facebook after a break-up, which already makes me feel creepy but I've run into enough snoops that I could palate it.
Then there was this among the advice given in that thread: "It sounds like you wanted her to help manage your anxiety and discomfort, and my guess is that this is really what made her want to pull away. Even when your anxiety is caused by an interaction with a specific person, involving that person in your process of resolving the anxiety can be inappropriate and toxic. Honestly addressing issues is great, but at some point, that can shade into you forcing someone into a role that doesn't fit their relationship with you."
This poster could have been talking to me. I have an anxiety disorder and I frequently say or do things I feel *might* be inappropriate, but I do it anyway because I'm so used to pushing myself through anxiety (another person touched on this in that other thread as well, but I can't find the post.) I even have a rule that if something makes me anxious I *have* to do it.
A recent example involves the current BF. I accidentally caught him on online dating sites once; since then I've intentionally snooped thrice, found something each time and flat-out told him "So I looked at your web history today and..." I've also broken up with him and taken him less than 24 hours later every time. A few years ago, I learned the hard way that breaking up with someone multiple times before I'm 100% sure I don't want to be with them causes the other party unnecessary pain. I knew myself well enough to know I *would* take him back whenever I left... but I still went and did the thing anyway.
(In the previous case, the person didn't trust me to stick around, was having problems with their romantic feelings for me for trying to shut them off so many times, and ultimately was tired of having their heart broken... they didn't leave me over this but it was a large reason they stopped trying.)
Since then I've definitely unloaded on him about my fears and anxieties revolving around that, and I also tend to mention any anxieties I get from interacting with him in general. I tend to do this with anything that upsets me with anyone I'm close to; I may bring up that I'm having trouble dealing with it and why, or re-open the conversation and try to understand why it happened. I know people don't like this, especially after they've already apologized, and if someone did that to me multiple times I'd drop them like a hot potato. But I did it anyway because Anxiety.
I also do the over-explaining thing when apologizing, which I also learned in that thread comes off as making excuses. I tend to get told I'm making excuses a lot and I never understood why until that; I explain why I did things to other people because I like to know why other people do things. I hate receiving apologies with no explanation of "why," and I always thought it was universal.
A final example would be this website; whenever I post an Ask Me question I feel it *may* be inappropriate to do so because I'm worried I post to Ask Me too much. But I usually submit anyway because I don't know 100% and Anxiety.
The fact that I didn't realize how NOT OK some of the above was? Kind of sucks. So long story short, I'd like some books, websites, articles, blogs, something written that explains what creepy behavior in women looks like. Along the lines of Dr. Strangelove, but more detailed and not just an aside in an article written about men.