How do I ask out my wife?
March 3, 2014 3:15 PM Subscribe
My wife and I used to go out fairly frequently - not partying but dinner, museum, movie, etc. Almost two years ago we had a child, whom we both adore. However, we have not been out since. We have had offers to watch the child so we could go out and she would not take any up on it. What can I say for my wife to accept a date with me?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (51 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
A few additional notes:
1) She actually gets upset that people offer - she thinks people are trying to push her into doing it - they think she is weird for not going on a date night, etc
2) She has had a number of people express shock that their hasn't been a date night.
3) We have had numerous "discussions" about it - so she knows I would like one. She seems to think its just about me getting out despite trying to say its about us.
4) I have not done a great job perhaps at articulating what makes it different. I talk about conversations and she says we have conversations at home, I say time to ourselves and she says we have time to ourselves when the child is asleep, I say it would be distraction free and she says no because while we were gone she would just be thinking about the child, why do to a movie when we have watch a DVD, etc. I try to express that it is a different experience than just doing these things at home, but she doesn't buy it.
5) It is affecting our relationship. It's making me somewhat blame our child, even though its not her fault, its making me feel unwanted - like the child is the only thing that matters to my wife and its making me upset with my wife for just not trying something that is clearly important to me.
6) Perhaps the key? My wife's parents worked A LOT as she was growing up. Her parents frequently came home after a dinner that she had started pulled from the fridge. She went to boarding school in her older school years. I seriously think she has a sense of abandonment and is over compensating by feeling as if she needs to spend every moment either with the child or doing something for the child - never herself and never me.
7) Yes we have other friends with young children who go on semi-frequent date nights - so examples abound.
* Any data, articles, etc that might help me make my point?
* Any non-data "look at this" ways to convince her date night is important?
* Is it possible I am doing something wrong? Taking the wrong approach? Am I crazy for wanting this? Should I just bide by time? How long 2 years? 3?
Anonymous email: Datenight123@outlook.com