Should I continue to date an egregiously bad tipper?
February 7, 2014 10:18 AM Subscribe
On our third date, a seemingly great guy didn't tip at all on the bill at a fancy-ish restaurant, despite the fact that we received special treatment from my friend who works there (who was not our server). Question part 1: is this a deal breaker? Question part 2: should I contact my friend to apologize on the guy's behalf?
posted by tomorrow to Human Relations (165 answers total) 23 users marked this as a favorite
Our first two dates (a movie and a picnic, respectively) were great and I was (am?) really excited about continuing to get to know this man. Last night we went to a fairly upscale restaurant where a friend of mine works as a server, and even though we weren't seated in her section, she sent over a complimentary appetizer and little pieces of chocolate after the meal.
When the bill arrived, he said "my treat" and reached for the folder to pay the bill. I thanked him and while I was just glancing around while he dealt with his card and the receipt later, I distinctly saw him strike through the tip line, and move the total of the meal down to the bottom line. He did not leave any cash in the folder, and he didn't hand anything directly to the server as we left. So...he left a $0 tip on a fairly expensive meal.
I felt embarrassed that I even saw him do this (I tend to think financial decisions are private, and that's it's rude to watch someone as they pay the bill--I just noticed by accident). And then I felt too flustered in the moment to really decide if I wanted to leave a cash tip for the server myself, which obviously would have been rude to the guy. But what the heck?! No tip on a fancy meal!? Especially when we received special treatment from my friend?!??
For context, he picked the restaurant. I'm not positive what his financial situation is like, but I think he's comfortable. He's 33 years old.
So...1) is this a deal breaker? I've worked in the service industry and I obviously have friends who do, and I think people who don't tip are pretty terrible. But is it worth talking to him about it? How would I broach the subject without incredible rudeness and awkwardness?
And...2) should I contact my friend and apologize on this guy's behalf? I know how restaurants work and I know she'll hear about our server getting stiffed. Also, would it be overkill to stop by the restaurant and leave a belated tip for our server?