Good (free) resources for overcoming sexual/emotional abuse?
December 7, 2013 8:09 PM Subscribe
How to heal after living with a sex addict? I am looking for good sources of personal empowerment concerning sexuality (female) and possibly examples of men who actually love deeply and see sex as an expression of love as well as passion...any leads?
posted by anonymous to Grab Bag (10 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
For the first half of my life, sex was surrounded by religious shame. Later on, like many young and insecure girls, I used sex as a way of feeling appreciated and special - though it was mostly unfulfilling for me physically and emotionally. Long story short, I married a sex addict, and my sexual confidence went from bad to worse. In order to avoid facing his sexual dysfunction, he blamed me for being too fat compared to the girls in his porn videos (I was a size 8), and consistently chose porn and sex parties over making love to me, no matter how hard I tried to please him...Thankfully, that relationship is over, but now I'm left with a cocktail of shame and insecurity surrounding my sexuality.
I feel ugly, used up, and -of course- angry at his attitude, but just knowing that he has issues and I SHOULDN'T take them personally doesn't silence the internal beliefs I've formed about myself and my body. Generally, I feel like an object now whenever a man directs sexual attention toward me - even if we're dating! In the bedroom, I feel anxiety about pleasing my partner, and I want to feel confident. I also feel like the only way I know how to be in bed it to just turn up the slut dial, but I long for actual connection...
Yes, I have a therapist. She doesn't seem to have any great insight for me. Just the normal, 'give yourself time to heal, and try to believe you're beautiful' kind of stuff...
Who has better advice? Or, is there a book or a website, a class or anything that could help me to get free from BOTH the objectification and insecurities I've internalized AND the lingering deep shame around being sexual in the first place?