Pornization of sex: do women like cum on the face?

February 8, 2010 3:22 PM

Women: Do you enjoy cum on the face? (NSFW, natch)

I was talking with the man in my life about the pornization of sex and used the cum on the face thing as an example, positing that women don't really enjoy that. He was surprised because his last GF was really into it.

So I come to you, women of Metafilter (and men who know women who are frank about this sort of thing). Do you enjoy cum on the face? If so, is it because you've seen it in porn and that makes it sexy, or is it just innately enjoyable for you?

TIA!

posted by anonymous to grab bag (78 answers total)

No.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 3:23 PM on February 8, 2010

I don't. It's pointless and itchy. I personally prefer it when ejaculation happens somewhere, uh, internal to me.
posted by KathrynT at 3:24 PM on February 8, 2010

Not if it's spelled "cum?"

Otherwise, depends on the come and the context. It's not something I crave, but it has its place in a repertoire of things to do with a partner.

(Not porn-influenced, as I don't really find any aspect of mainstream porn movies to be sexy.)
posted by desuetude at 3:28 PM on February 8, 2010 [5 favorites]

there are lots, and lots, and lots of articles online about this specific topic.

but, heck, i'll bite...

i love facials. i love ejaculation on pretty much any part of my body. i find it sexy and alluring and silly and fun. i can't be positive, but i'm pretty sure i received my first facial before i saw it in porn. in any case, when i first started hunting out porn, i searched for money shots, not because i saw them and thought they were sexy, but because i think they're sexy and wanted to find more pictures/videos/stories.
posted by nadawi at 3:28 PM on February 8, 2010 [7 favorites]

Yeah, not really my thing.
posted by Maisie at 3:29 PM on February 8, 2010

also - is there a reason you only seek out the female response? are you not interested at all if men who like men also enjoy come on their face?
posted by nadawi at 3:29 PM on February 8, 2010 [9 favorites]

In fact, for me, the "cum shot" is the least appealing part of most porn by a country mile.

heh heh see what I did there
posted by KathrynT at 3:30 PM on February 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Another vote for yes, sometimes I do like it messy, other times, not so much. Depends on the person and the mood.
posted by MuChao at 3:33 PM on February 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

I love giving oral sex because they love getting it, not because it's innately enjoyable to have a mouthful of meat or a big warm mess on my face. It has nothing to do with pornography, and I actually tend to dislike blowjob-porn. It's boring. Pleasing your partner is much more exciting!

just don't get it in my eye... damn that hurts.
posted by sunshinesky at 3:33 PM on February 8, 2010 [4 favorites]

nadawi, thanks for the google-keyword help. I didn't know these were called facials. We were talking specifically about woman, so I'm mostly curious about straight womens' experiences.
posted by paddingtonb at 3:34 PM on February 8, 2010

Of course, I was implying I also 'enjoy' facials, just that it has nothing to do with porn or 'innate' enjoyment.
posted by sunshinesky at 3:35 PM on February 8, 2010

fwiw - here is a blog post by madison young responding to an anti-face shot article posted at bitch media, if you're curious how a self-described feminist porn star feels.
posted by nadawi at 3:38 PM on February 8, 2010

We were talking specifically about woman, so I'm mostly curious about straight womens' experiences.

oh, well, then my contributions aren't needed. i'm bi.

this conversation almost always turns itself around to feminism and women's place in porn - and it would seem just as useful to the discussion, if not more useful to see how men who sleep with men feel about this particular sex act. it allows the discussion to be more than "it's demeaning to women!"/"feminism is about doing what you want!"...
posted by nadawi at 3:47 PM on February 8, 2010 [7 favorites]

Not really opinionated either way on the question itself, but as a helpful side note - PLEASE avoid the eyes! You would not believe how badly that hurts.
posted by lucky25 at 3:50 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

I always thought it was demeaning and objectifying. Then I was with a woman who told me that, to her, it was a celebration of the male orgasm and that it made her happy in the same way that I felt happy when I brought her to orgasm. When I pointed out that I didn't need to celebrate her orgasms with a shampoo afterwards she countered with, well, you do go wash your beard, and I had no answer to that. I still think it's demeaning. But there are women who like it. I suspect that there is a significant subset of those women who like it because they've been pornified and thus expect sex to be bomp chicka wow wow instead of two mammals rutting while the spaghetti sauce cooks and the kids are at basketball practice, but that's just conjecture.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:52 PM on February 8, 2010 [13 favorites]

Nope, don't like it, not one bit. Total deal breaker, I'd dump my b/f's ass in a heart beat if he insisted or complained. Growing up I heard one too many boys talk about "jacking off" (and much worse. also, their expression not mine) in the face of some girl that had bruised their ego in some way, so I ended up seeing it as disrespectful and domineering. As an adult I still occasionally hear men talk that way, and I sure see a lot of it online. I'm not at all concerned about changing my perception of it.
posted by zarah at 3:55 PM on February 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

I don't really care either way. If a guy is really into it, that's fine. If he doesn't care, I probably won't do it. It's pretty neutral for me. Unless it gets in my eyes. Then I'm pissed.
posted by decathecting at 3:57 PM on February 8, 2010

My lifetime of surveying women on this topic (tough job) suggests that the ratio is about fifty-fifty, so I imagine that this thread will break down about that way too.

Nadawi and sunshinesky pretty much nail the "yes" reasons I have heard from women, with "I like to watch it" also making it into the top ten list.
posted by rokusan at 3:59 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

i'd be pissed if i didn't get an advance request. when asked, i generally say yes. but not in my hair, please.
posted by anthropomorphic at 4:00 PM on February 8, 2010

No.

I don't think it has anything to do with objectification or feminism. Maybe it's some kind of vestigial Judaism, but I could go through life a very happy woman if semen were to just go into my vaginal canal or a condom.
posted by thebazilist at 4:01 PM on February 8, 2010

I've never tried it before, and it's specifically because I see it in porn and feel it's degrading. I'm too scared the guy will see me as lesser afterwards.

That being said, I enjoy it on other parts of the body.
posted by biochemist at 4:02 PM on February 8, 2010

Nah, not my cup of tea. Reminds me of the face mooshing with wedding cake - I don't like the idea of that much either. It's not the semen as such, as please don't spurt or squish anything onto my face.
posted by b33j at 4:06 PM on February 8, 2010 [4 favorites]

The best way I can think to describe it, in my opinion, is that it's the sexual equivalent of shoving wedding cake in your partner's face. Why take something that's supposed to be mutually enjoyable (ejaculation) and turn it into an aggressive/demeaning thing?
posted by amyms at 4:11 PM on February 8, 2010 [8 favorites]

Should have previewed. Jinx, b33j!
posted by amyms at 4:12 PM on February 8, 2010

...but I could go through life a very happy woman if semen were to just go into my vaginal canal or a condom.

This is me*. If it turns my partner on to do it on my face then I'll take it, no problem. But it's not something I particularly enjoy. It happens regularly enough, but in my experience most of the guys I've been with haven't been super crazy about either.

*Disclaimer: I'm a gay male who often repurposes my rectum into a makeshift vaginal canal because I don't have a real one.
posted by HotPatatta at 4:12 PM on February 8, 2010 [9 favorites]

Definitely not. Hate it, both in real life and in video/images.
posted by anderjen at 4:15 PM on February 8, 2010

No. If it happens on accident, not a big deal, but definitely not preferred.
posted by ishotjr at 4:17 PM on February 8, 2010

I don't mind it in and of itself, but if I know it's, erm, coming, then I spend the whole time worrying about getting ejaculate in my eyes and that takes away any enjoyment of any other part of the whole sexin'. So I'm not overly pro.
posted by gaspode at 4:25 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

NO. Degrading.
posted by dzaz at 4:26 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

Women have different tastes.

I do enjoy ejaculate on my partner's face so, yes.
posted by kathrineg at 4:30 PM on February 8, 2010 [5 favorites]

I don't like it, but it is one of my partner's biggest turn-ons/fantasies, and knowing that makes it worth it on rare occasions. Definitely something that should be discussed beforehand, especially because of things like the eyes.

Do I personally like it? No.
posted by questionsandanchors at 4:37 PM on February 8, 2010

My experience has been that women vary from extremely into it, to neutral, to extremely not into it, for all kinds of reasons..

In other words, exactly what the women (and non-women) in this thread have reported.
posted by Forktine at 4:39 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm in line with gaspode.
So, my answer is yes if I'm wearing goggles.
posted by The Biggest Dreamer at 4:43 PM on February 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

This is chatfilter at its best. But alas, I can't help but adding my two tablespoons, er, two cents worth.

It makes no sense to universally dismiss a sexual act as degrading. There are as many different sexual preferences as there are people who have sex. Whether the act is degrading or not depends very much on motivations, contexts, consent, the status of the relationship, etc. Degradation is more of an inflection, if you will, a way of doing something. Blanket Mackinnon-esque statements I think are missing part of the point.

Look, I've had sex with girls who absolutely love come on their face/body, and I've had sex with girls who absolutely hate it. The thing is, if the girl wants to be come upon, then it turns me on and it can be a really fun and sexy thing. However, if the girl doesn't want it, then it isn't at all sexy and I would find no joy in doing it. If she feels neither here nor there about it, but I really wanted to, I might ask nicely and try it and see what we think. We all have boundaries, but I'm also not above considering something out of my normal sexual comfort range if it would please my partner, and I would expect the same from my partner.

The thing about the porn is that non-freely-consensual sex acts are not sexy. Almost all porn has a at least a modicum of subtext of money, artifice, and a general lack of sincerity. Girls in porn are getting a paycheck and they're fulfilling a contractual obligation to a certain extent. Porn should not serve as a precedent for what is sexy or not, what is degrading or not, what is normal or not. It's porn - it is a rather drastically different sort of thing than sex between lovers.

It is more degrading to women to say that a certain fetish a woman may have is, as a rule, degrading, than is the act itself.
posted by Lutoslawski at 4:44 PM on February 8, 2010 [38 favorites]

I prefer not to have it on my face, thank you very much. It's sticky and makes too much of a mess. Swallow? Yes. Face? That'll be the last bj he gets from me.
posted by patheral at 4:52 PM on February 8, 2010

I really have only a few data points. The one's I've been with have usually mentioned they are not into it, but not opposed. Haven't done it myself, but not opposed. One feminist gf liked it on other parts of the body (what do you do when you're a kid using condoms?), but weirdly called it 'marking' which made me uncomfortable, as if it was ok to give your partner a gift asked for, but then implicitly criticized you for asking.

It is more a matter of convenience that it go on one partner or another rather than the furniture and there is something mirroring the actual act of procreation in at least. I guess for facials it isn't true in that sense and by some, therefore frowned upon.
posted by Ironmouth at 5:19 PM on February 8, 2010

No. As in, oh HELL no.
A Google image search of ocular herpes simplex speaks for itself, really.

The National Eye Institute (NEI) says an estimated 400,000 Americans have experienced some form of ocular herpes, with close to 50,000 new and recurring cases occurring each year. With 1 in 5 people carrying the virus, why play roulette with your vision? Even if you don't always go blind, I'd rather do what I can to not have to worry about it. YMMV, to each his own...
posted by aquafortis at 5:24 PM on February 8, 2010 [5 favorites]

I was chiming in to say pretty much what aquafortis said.

Plus: NO.
posted by cooker girl at 5:35 PM on February 8, 2010

I'm one of those individuals who, when roped into watching porn, will spoil the moment by muttering, "WHY?! YUCK! NO Woman likes having that put in her face!" So I'm more than a little surprised to see how many people are either indifferent or like it! You learn somethinig every day. I'll still cast my vote for no: Cleanup's bad enough without nasty drippiness on faces, bedsheets, pillows, etc.
posted by Ys at 5:37 PM on February 8, 2010

Sure. However:
- I also like being tied up, spanked, etc., and I think of facials as being sort of in that same kinky category. You can debate whether this makes me a bad feminist or not, but I personally don't care to get into that right now.
- I don't think this is the sort of thing one should surprise a women with - there definitely needs to be a conversation in advance about whether it's something she likes.
- If I were to pick the one exterior body part that I most prefer someone to ejaculate on, I would go with chest rather than face.

Also, I want to note that I am very anti wedding-cake-smooshing. What can I say, I'm traditional.
posted by naoko at 6:06 PM on February 8, 2010 [11 favorites]

Yep. Love it. It's a semi-regular event when we're not making sweet romantic love as such, more like banging our brains out through rampant lust. I don't love it in my hair, but I can live with it until I can rinse it out.

But on my face? Mouth open? Tongue out? Asking 'please' while assisting him? Hell yes. (But watching it in porn films does nothing for me. Leaves me cold.)

FWIW, it's never hit my eye. I'm fairly sure the medical problems that MAY occur if you don't shut your eyes at the right time wouldn't have stopped me trying, anyway.

And I always have such luciously soft skin the next day. I don't care if it's a myth, it's a damn fine skin conditioner, and one hell of a fun way to work on your complexion.

PS: Wedding cake smooshing disgusts me in a way that semen-dispersal never has.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 6:11 PM on February 8, 2010 [12 favorites]

face no,other body parts, yes. But not without prior discussion. I've had boyfriends do it without asking first and I find it very inconsiderate they didn't ask my opinion before shooting all over me.
posted by poissonrouge at 6:17 PM on February 8, 2010

Absolutely not.
posted by Neekee at 6:45 PM on February 8, 2010

Dude, if you watch closely enough it's pretty clear that even most porn chicks don't like this.
posted by The Straightener at 6:45 PM on February 8, 2010

Face, no. Body, yes. The one occasion with other anachronism where he was aiming at my body but due to a bit of pent up energy hit my face as well, fucking hilarious. Once I'd rinsed out my eyes and blown my nose (I think it was his face going from orgasm face to 'oh fuck it's on her face' to orgasm face to 'oh shit that went up her nose' to orgasm face to 'oh god not her eyes' to 'oh god I'm gonna die, but I'm gonna die satisfied' face).

I've never gotten a facial sans prior discussion (and I had one ex renege on the terms of the discussion which was fucked up) but I have had a partner pull out and come on my belly without warning. That was weird and felt gross, even though I don't have a problem with it otherwise.
posted by geek anachronism at 6:54 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

I agree with the general disgust about wedding cake smooshing but don't personally connect that to facials. I like it if my partner likes it and have been known to request it from time to time besides. But then I agree with malibustacey9999 and naoko about the other things too.

I also don't see how it is inherently degrading. If I get off on something another woman finds disgusting, isn't that my prerogative just to be a kinky girl? It's just sex, it's not some grand gesture of my sense of self. And comparing porn facials to real life facials doesn't even make sense. Getting paid to let a guy do that and letting a guy you like/love do that for fun is like apples and oranges.
posted by supercapitalist at 7:03 PM on February 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

NO. I'm with the "degrading" crowd.
posted by SisterHavana at 7:03 PM on February 8, 2010

Nope. Not interested, and in fact, it turns me off. (I'm a married, straight, female who does enjoy other porn and written erotica.)
posted by Savannah at 7:06 PM on February 8, 2010

accidental is okay, but i don't enjoy a deliberate application, mostly because i fear for my contact lenses.
posted by thinkingwoman at 7:19 PM on February 8, 2010

I like it, and I find it incredibly sad that it would be considered "degrading".
posted by FlyByDay at 7:35 PM on February 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

yep
posted by assasinatdbeauty at 7:35 PM on February 8, 2010

Funny, facials are part of my fantasy life but they never live up to expectations when 'applied.'
posted by honey-barbara at 7:37 PM on February 8, 2010

Body, sure. Down my throat? No prob. But please, not my face.
posted by blackcatcuriouser at 7:43 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm a straight woman. I just wanted to say that even though I'm not into it at all, there are maybe 1,000 answers I could give that would be eponysterical. (not all of the eponysterical answers would be true. But they'd be funny.)

I now leave you to ponder that.
posted by bilabial at 7:48 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

[few comments removed - please just answer the question or go make jokes and observations about jizz elsewhere, thanks]
posted by jessamyn at 7:54 PM on February 8, 2010

No. See Catcher in the Rye.
posted by ofelia at 8:00 PM on February 8, 2010

No.

Reading this thread, I'm also very glad I never had a partner who did this without asking.
posted by bluedaisy at 8:22 PM on February 8, 2010

I don't think you are going to see a strong coloration for easy answer.

Take my 2 previous girlfriends for instance who display different attitudes towards facials.

The first, most recent girlfriend actually requested it. She hadn't watch porn before and when I met her she came across as quite innocent to it threw me initially.

The second girlfriend didn't mind swallowing or receiving semen orally as long as she didn't smell it. Apparently the smell of semen activated her gag reflex.
posted by asharchist at 8:31 PM on February 8, 2010

I like facials so much that I give them to myself. No joke. I've been doing it since I was a teenager, when the internet was young and before X-tube was a twinkle in Al Gore's eye.

I could make any number of guesses about where this particular kink came from but I try not to think too much about what sex means. I don't care if it is a power thing or a degradation thing or a mommy/daddy thing or a religion thing. Because thinking about sex like that makes it a lot less fun. So long as it is something that you enjoy that you can engage in safely with other consensual adults (or alone!), then that's really all that's important. And the sooner we get away from telling people that their type of sex is wrong, the better off we'll all be.
posted by greekphilosophy at 9:12 PM on February 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

Yes! I'm in love with someone and I love every part of this person, including fluid matters. I'm not really interested in blow-job porn. For the record, I'm female, bisexual, a feminist, and am interested in far more questionable acts than a mere facial.

To all the "It's degrading" responses: Maybe this is a porn-triggered reaction? ...most of the facials in porn are degrading, but for most gals (and everyone else) with some come on their cheek, it's not happening while some dude with a camera tells them they're a dirty whore and pulls on their hair. It might be and that's cool too, but trust, there are a LOT of ways to get come on your face.
posted by supernaturelle at 9:14 PM on February 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

In instances where she is engaging in heterosexual sex and will not reach orgasm, my partner's preference is for a facial. In situations where she will climax after her partner, she prefers it in her mouth to be swallowed at orgasm. She is ambivalent when she is first to come, but not adverse to a facial in that situation. She is a self-described feminist.
posted by Willy Wombat at 10:00 PM on February 8, 2010

People consider this kinky? Really? Wow, I'm not sure what that says about me.

Anyway, it's not something I enjoy. I don't see it as intrinsically degrading, either, though I really don't see any consensual activity as degrading.
posted by desjardins at 10:07 PM on February 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

Yes, I really, really enjoy it. I don't find it degrading; in fact there have been times I've felt selfish for asking, because my partner worries that he's not showing me enough respect. But I like seeing him come, and I like feeling a little powerful demanding it. It's the opposite of degrading for me, in a funny way.

I agree with nadawi, and seem to be one of few who do. But women's tastes differ- mine run towards genuinely enjoying blowjobs and facials.
posted by thatbrunette at 10:22 PM on February 8, 2010

I don't know yet. No one's ever asked and I haven't ever offered.

I absolutely hate getting someone else's saliva anywhere on my face. Saliva anywhere else on my body is fine, but not the face. The worst kisser I ever dealt with was a slobberer, and sex with him was a lot less enjoyable because of that.

I love going down on a guy. Love love love love love it. I love taking it as deep as I can, I don't mind if it gets messy with my saliva and his semen all over my face, I love the feeling of his cock getting harder and larger in my mouth as he nears orgasm, I love the pulse as he comes, and I love swallowing.

I like to watch. I don't give hand jobs to completion very often, but one thing I like about it is seeing him come.

So on the one hand, I think I might not like facials because I'd be missing the build-up to orgasm and the feeling of him coming, and there would be less or nothing for me to swallow. I'd also worry about the interrupted open air orgasm the guy would be getting. I'd need a lot of reassurance that coming on my face made up for the loss of oral stimulation, and then I'd probably be OK if that was what he really wanted. The semen on the face wouldn't bother me as saliva does. I'd be able to watch him come, and that would be pretty nice. But I'd miss giving a full blow job, and I'd have to ask that I'd get to do that at least some of the time.

There's a chance that there could be a situation where a request for a facial, coupled with something off about the guy's treatment of me, could be a turnoff, but a facial in itself wouldn't be degrading. Assuming the guy wasn't a jerk, it would be, at worst, something I did as cheerfully as possible until I could get back to swallowing.
posted by rosebuddy at 11:01 PM on February 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

I like it more than swallowing and I do like giving head, so, yes please. Although, one time I got it in my eye and it started to swell shut. I was mortified over the prospect of having to tell an emergency room nurse why I was experiencing ocular distress. Keep your eyes closed!
posted by Foam Pants at 12:26 AM on February 9, 2010

no no no no, and no
posted by fifilaru at 12:27 AM on February 9, 2010

The National Eye Institute (NEI) says an estimated 400,000 Americans have experienced some form of ocular herpes, with close to 50,000 new and recurring cases occurring each year.

Yeah, I don't particularly worry about something that happens to 0.1% of the population. I expect swallowing cum is more likely to transmit disease - and I like doing that, too.

I like to cum on people or have them cum on me, but more often than not it's probably ended up in a mouth or a condom. I like watching facials, but haven't really folded this into my repertoire - giving or receiving. But I've never had a guy or girl object to me coming on their chests, for example.

As for the question of degrading, well I know some girls who feel like giving oral is submissive and others who think it's an excellent way to dominate. Different strokes for different folks...
posted by crossoverman at 3:47 AM on February 9, 2010

Porn and the money shot on film grosses me out. But in the Real World, I love having my partner put his cum wherever he likes. On the face is a favorite. :-) (This was not always true though... I have gone thru various phases regarding bodily fluids in my life. I'm 42.)
posted by RedEmma at 9:53 AM on February 9, 2010

Also, i concur with people that say the "degrading" thing really seems to come from the way it's filmed in porn. I consider it a sort of benediction--a full acceptance of my partner's body and his orgasm. Is it degrading to sit on a man's face and cover it with my juices? I think not.
posted by RedEmma at 10:05 AM on February 9, 2010

Here are some loosely connected thoughts on the subject:

- There is no monolithic 'female' experience, feeling, thought or idea. Questions like that are loaded and you're begging to get personal ideas framed as universal truths if you ask them.

- I'm pretty sure that this sort of thing can't be an up-or-down vote. As with most sexual experiences, tone, mood, setting, partner, timing, energy all play a factor. Even someone who on paper is "into it" might not be in the mood to or willing for various other factors beyond some sort of kneejerk squick.

- For some who have spent a lot of time with pornography, particularly during their formative years, there can certainly be an element of introjection going on. I think the overall "pornification" / women's liberation via the stripper pole has a lot more to do with introjection than out and out self hatred.

- They can totally be fun. Awful, too (esp. if eyeballs get in the way).
posted by SassHat at 11:53 AM on February 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'm male, but extremely experienced. It is not a big deal to me, it has very rarely been anything any man wanted to do, either way. It is exciting and amusing, both, if it gets there after flying an appreciable distance. But I would never make a man feel bad for shooting off all over. I take that as a compliment.

However, if someone asked me if I wanted/would accept a "facial", I'd have a hard time not throwing him out of bed. I loath the term, and would be turned off to an extreme by a guy that used it. I'm weird that way.
posted by Goofyy at 12:19 PM on February 9, 2010

Yes, I love it. For me, it is part of a submissive act. And, I don't mind getting dirty.
posted by E-Boogie at 12:30 PM on February 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Considering that it's possible to view all oral sex performed on a woman as a "facial" (what, you don't end up covered? It's like a lotion bath, ladies, and no part of the face is really safe from it... thankfully), I'm not sure how it can fairly be seen as especially degrading to receive a man's climax, other than maybe as an artifact of some prudish mores that dictate sex is something that only men are supposed to want, while women (or submissives) participate in only reluctantly, as part of a social dance of deniable desire. Some of the "heavens no!" responses seem to ring a bit like "Oh lordy, no, never with the lights on!"

(Or if it is degrading, then heck, let's take turns degrading each other. Sounds fun that way, actually.)

Historical context, maybe: I used to know a guy involved in 70's porn, back when it was just leaving the old-school cinemas and moving to videotape, a transition he went along with for awhile but, it seems to me, that he didn't exactly enjoy either.

I remember a conversation we had about how facials were one of the new, hot thing everyone was starting to do more of on video, though, and he was very interested in that from a business perspective. The reason he gave wasn't about degradation, but about how it "kept my star's face on the screen during the climax", in essence giving the film a sort of perfect storm moment without requiring odd cuts between orgasm and reaction. Given that women are almost always the highly-paid stars of straight porn, even today (how often do you even see a man's face?) that does make a certain amount of sense.

As for why it's a "big deal" in porn and some men's sex lives/fantasies, I think the answer is very intertwined to the big screen experience: people, and perhaps especially men, are very visually oriented and stimulated by images. And again, anecdote supports this: in my observation, many women close their eyes and drift off into purely physical sensations during sex, while men who get more and more excited tend to open their eyes wider and wider... to see more. It makes sense that a strong visual image would be highly effective for them.

Anyway, just some small data points for consideration.
posted by rokusan at 1:58 PM on February 9, 2010 [3 favorites]

I tire of its prominence in pornography, but since I've taken all possible measures to limit my exposure to upsetting pornographic or demeaning images of women, that doesn't haunt me anymore and so yeah, I like it fine. When I'm really randy it's a kind of foreplay for me. I'm sure that has a lot to do with the long, hot, trust-rich relationship I'm in, though. I don't just want anybody to do it as a thrill, ew no no.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:21 PM on February 9, 2010

Oh, I guess I'll clarify, I don't dig it because it's degrading, I dig it because it makes me flinch, tense up, makes my heart race. And I like being eyeball close to the cock because whoomp there it is.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:23 PM on February 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

WRT to degradation, consider that having most other bodily excretia propelled onto one unwillingly is considered degrading (saliva, snot, feces, urine). And the key word in there is 'unwillingly'. Like so many things with human sexuality, the key is communication to determine what is in or out of bounds.
posted by plinth at 4:02 PM on February 9, 2010

When I was writing the regular Girls of MySpace and College Girls features for Hustler (which I know that you all clipped and kept), there were a series of pro forma questions that I asked every girl, inherited from the poor souls who wrote the columns before me. They were, basically, favorite position, anal yes/no, and facials yes/no.

From those interviews, the overriding answer was that all the women enjoyed facials, half of them enjoyed anal, and three-quarters would respond that their favorite position was "whatever the man wanted."

There is, of course, a fair amount of obvious selection bias in this data. A recurrent problem for me in conducting these interviews was that nearly every woman was just flailing about, trying to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear, not what she actually believed. The mention of introjection by SassHat is apt. This led to amusing exchanges, like trying to clarify whether a particular model preferred swallowing or getting a facial, as she claimed she liked both more than anything else.

The thing is, the vast majority of women aren't porn stars and have no real interest in being porn stars. Which means that the market pressures on their sexuality are less acute, and so they've developed their own tastes and preferences and experiences. They may like it, they may not. They may like it sometimes, they may like it rarely, they may tolerate it, it may be a deal breaker. In my experience, most women aren't wild about it, and there's a fair amount of pressure from media like Cosmo or Maxim to see the facial as simultaneously degrading and risque, hot because of the taboo but taboo because of the implied power differential. And porn certainly doesn't help, given the nigh pervasive leitmotiv of exploitation and misogyny of porn videos. But then, there are plenty of women who enjoy it, who look forward to it, who ask for it.

So, really, using this as an example of the pornification of sexuality is kind of facile and naive—as are conversations about pornification in general—when really, all you can say is that the vast majority of women really hate the surprise facial.
posted by klangklangston at 4:47 PM on February 9, 2010 [7 favorites]

Yes, yes, yes. I think it's hot in videos, in pics and in real life. It always turns me on and I am always disappointed in porn that doesn't have some kind of money shot. Yeah, it's Nasty. For some of us, nasty=hot.

For the record, I consider myself a staunch feminist. I know it sounds contradictory to some, but a man can cum in my face and still respect me in the morning. There are probably guys who can't, but those are to be avoided. These are probably the same jerks who are incapable of respecting any woman who "gives it up." I'm sorry, but life is short, sex is fun, and I can't waste my time messing around with losers who can't help me get my freak on AND be gentlemen at the same time.

Similarly, I can, in the course of sexual play, do various things to my bf that are "degrading" but they are done with the intention of turning him on. After sex, I go back to treating him with respect and loving kindness. No problem.
posted by apis mellifera at 9:25 AM on February 21, 2010 [2 favorites]